PAS Evaluation?

[rltfox]

Has anyone ever taken their child/stepchild to a PAS Evaluator? It is becoming quite apparent that we are dealing with a CP who is guilting & manipulating the child into submission. Basically the child is made to feel guilty by going against CP or for loving NCP.

We may/may not use this for court purposes, but the main focus right now is how to deal with it & help the child to deal with it.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Are we able to take him to an evaluator without the CP's permission? Also, how do you find someone who deals with PAS-type cases? Thanks for any input!

[stepmomfor2]

It's good that you recognize the PAS and want to help the child deal with it.  Gosh, I know what you're experiencing, we've been dealing with it for 5 years now, and it is sad and exhausting.  The child psychologist didn't seem to know what PAS is, but I think he understood what I was describing to him.  I have read that courts, lawyers, and even GAL's are not familiar with the term "PAS", but I think they do understand the description of it and examples I've given to them.  

BM took DH through a custody battle, complete with GAL.  This GAL was  very interested in listening to the tapes we recorded of BM using PAS/HAP.  At that time, DH and BM had joint custody, 7 days on/7 days off (DH now is CP, BM has no visitation).  We were taking the skids to a child psychologist and scheduled it during our time; BM could have cared less, so BM's permission wasn't necessary.  We were taking the skids to help them deal with the divorce and changes; not just for dealing with the PAS that affected the skids to the point of confusion and crying when returning from BM.  Quite by accident though, the psychologist diagnosed SS8 (then 5 y/o) with ADHD, and SS is focusing so much better after being on medicine, and is doing excellent in school.

I have used Google to learn about PAS (typed in Parental Alienation Syndrome), but recently I found a website that talks about PAS and HAP:

http://www.hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/

After reading about the two, I have decided that HAP better describes our BM's behavior (although PAS is definitely also present).  It's all pretty interesting, especially since in the beginning I was so naive and clueless, I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on and didn't know why BM's behavior was so bizzare!  I didn't understand why there was such constant turmoil and drama when DH was so agreeable to BM's orders and at-whim changes, and also so dedicated to the skids (never late, never badmouthing BM, etc.)  

I'm glad to know that there are true causes for BM's evil and vindictive behavior.   Although I'm in no position to diagnose BM, the website describes the behavior of each syndrome, and helped me understand that BM's antics, language, and interactions with the skids are not at all normal.

Good luck, and let us know how things go!

[CustodyIQ]

It's an excellent idea.  I'd use the word "therapist" instead of evaluator, as the goal is to help the child.

You may want to get in touch with Richard Warshak, the author of "Divorce Poison" in case he has any referral to a good clinician in your city.

His website:  http://home.att.net/~rawars/