Need advice!

[bethannept04]

My boyfriend is divorced (over 4 years ago) and has a 7 year old son as a result of the marriage.  Shortly after the divorce, his exwife moved 8 hours away and took their son.  I believe that she thought that my boyfriend would follow her out there and that they would reconcile.  However, that did not happen.  My boyfriend does not have a lot of money, however, he does work and pays child support directly out of his check.  When they first moved away, she would allow her son to talk to his Dad on the phone.  At one point they were supposed to come and visit, however, the week before they cancelled the trip.  My boyfriend was heartbroken.  Since then (that was back in November) the phone calls have dwindled.  It is at the point, where my boyfriend calls his son and never gets a call back.  They haven't spoken in months.  He called his son on his birthday, (in May) never got a call back.  He did not even receive a call on Father's Day!  I have no idea how to help my boyfriend deal with this.  He HATES to talk about it and he is obviously depressed.  He is thinking about giving up rights to his son.  Is she legally able to prevent their son from speaking to his father??  I mean, he pays child support (24% of his paycheck) every month!  Somebody please offer me some advice on how to deal w/ this.  I have his ex's e-mail address was thinking about contacting her, but I know that my boyfriend would be so angry w/ me if he ever found out.  I just really do not know what else to do!  Please help!

[gwodzisz]

Is there a custody agreement on file between the two of them?  If so, the terms of contact are included in the agreement.  If they are divorced, there is more than likely a custody agreement and I would definitely get a copy of it to see what it states.

If ex is violating the agreement - not letting him talk to his son and not cooperating with visitation - you could file a Motion for Contempt against ex.  

It may also be a good idea to send a certified letter to ex with the terms of the custody agreement included so that she knows that your boyfriend plans to start enforcing the agreement.

I know that 8 hours is far away and the custody agreement may need to be modified so that he can get his visitation when it is more convenient - I doubt every other weekend is very convenient with 8 hour travel time each way.

[notnew]

I know you care about your BF, but trying to be the go-between is not a good idea.

The 2nd poster is right. If orders are in place, then your BF can exercise the legal options available to him. He has to make this choice. You can certainly help him with paperwork, encouragement and emotional support, but he has to make the moves himself.

It is a fine line you have to walk, be involved, but don't take charge. Let him know you love him and support his efforts. All of us have gotten down from time to time and considered giving up. I think for most it is temporary thought that goes away in a few days.

Encourage him to give the courts a shot and see what can be done to improve things if at all.

I hope things work out for the best.

[reagantrooper]

 "He is thinking about giving up rights to his son. "

Are you Fing kidding?? I hope you are wrong on this. What about his Sons right to a Dad? If your BF is truly considering this then I say his Son would be better off with out him!!

Now if your BF was just frustraded and truly loves his boy (which I bet he does) then he needs to STOP his Fing whining and FIGHT for his Son. He needs to educate himself on these matters and DOCUMENT everthing. He needs to get a GOOD lawer. (I cant aford one is not going to fly) He needs to do whatever it takes too get into his Sons life. He needs to put a stop to the abuse that is happening to his Son now.

Good luck!!!!!!!!

[bethannept04]

Sounds like everyone has some good advice.  I cannot put myself in his situation.  I can only imagine how it would feel to have my Dad relinquish his rights to me.  However, at the same time my boyfriend has this theory that if he steps away, that in time his son will realize the reality of the situation and want a relationship.  I have told him that I would be more than happy to help him gather the documents that he needs to put an end to this.  In fact, after reading peoples' advice yesterday, we had a discussion.  He said that from the start, he never had a lawyer.  He doesn't even know what kind of custody he has.  His ex and him ended things on a good note together, and, at the time, he trusted her to make the right decisions for his son.  Obviously, he was wrong!  I'm not sure how he could find out what his custodial rights are.  Does anybody know???  I guess this would be the first step in finding out what his rights actually are.  This is a very painful situation for all involved, my boyfriend is not being selfish - he just wants to do what is right and most healthy for his son.  Thanks!

[charlie967]

Does he have a copy of their divorce degree?  I would think it would discuss custody there along w/the info about how much child support he pays etc...if he doesn't have it then he should call the county office where the divorce was granted and ask what their procdure is for getting a copy of his degree and anything else that pertains to their situation.  There will be a charge and it differs in every county.  Once you get that you can see what exactly he has and go from there.

And in my opinion about your bfs theory about his son realizing the reality and then wanting a relationship.. I think that is a lot to ask.  If the mom has moved his son away and won't let him see his dad I'm sure she is not trying to help the relationship at all.  There is probably going to be a lot of PAS and that child may be brainwashed and not want a relationship w/dad.  I think if you bf wants a relationship he needs to get the paperwork and see what type of custody and visitation and then start using his custodial rights.  So far he hasn't really fought or forced visitation so she doesn't think he will.  The longer he waits to enforce his visitation the harder it will be.  Just imagine what she might be telling his son about his dad.  I'm not saying she will because I don't know her I'm just telling you what happens alot and that this is more reality than the son just realizing what is going on.  And if he signs his rights away I can almost guarantee that that will be something else the biomom can use to say see he doesn't care or love you.  

As far as emailing the biomom, I wouldn't do it.  My advice for you is to stay out of it.  You emailing her will probably just make her mad.  You can help him behind the sceens so to speak by getting info for him but he has to be the one to take charge of the situation.  I'm not trying to make it seem like you're unimportant but it really is between the two of them.  The best thing you can do for him is be there for him for support because he is going to need it.  

Good luck w/everything.  I really hope your boyfriend thinks twice about signing his rights away if he even can now.  And I hope this doesn't come across bad but I just wanted you to know what the reality is.