My situation

[dad2476]

I was told about a month ago by my wife that she was going to file for divorce. She quickly told me that she wasn't going to file for a while so that I would have time to get on my feet. We made it for 5 years on our own before moving into her mom's house a year and a half ago. I kept asking her to leave with me and get our own place. She always balked at the idea after acting as if she was wanting to be a free standing family again. So, a week later, I found my own place. I only work 20 hours a week because I am a full time student. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together that was completely born with love. My little girl is a "Daddy's Girl!" Knowing how much I love this child, my wife decides 2 weeks after telling me was going to wait a while to file, telss me that she has papers for me to sign. She tried to get me to sign the papers as soon as I saw her. I declined. After reviewing the "Temporary Orders" she had drawn up by her mom, the paralegal for my wifes lawyer, I was astounded to read that the orders were that I would sign over sole custody and control of my daughter. Also that I would have visitation rights. I am not a visitor! I contributed to this childs life, financially and more importantly, her conception. My wife would not have this beautiful little girl if it were't for me! Now she wants to treat me like a criminal and punish me because she wants a divorce? I am already in a position where I don't get to see my 13 year old son because his mom has the state of Colorado on her side. I do not want to be pushed out of another childs life! Especially, because it took me 3 1/2 years before I got my wife pregnant. I wanted to make sure that she would always be my wife and love me because I would not be in this position again. Goes to show you that people can completely fake a person out by acting a certain way for so many years. Anybody ever heard of BTK? She doesn't seem any different than him with acting a certain way but harboring a deep secret that everything says and does is a lie. I will not sign over sole custody! I will ot let her control me anymore! I will not let her drive me away from the only person in this world that still loves me! The only one that I truly love. My daughter.

[Kent]

You MUST file first!

To do this, you have two options:
1) Hire an attorney, and insist that he/she files TODAY
2) Go to the courthouse, and ask the clerk to asist you finding the right forms, and file yourself.

Personally, I'd hire an attorney to do this for me.

Whoever files first has the upper hand!

Stay clear of smoking, alcohol, drugs, or anything else that can be used against you.
Do NOT angage in any hostilities towards your wife.

You made a big mistake moving out; that's abandonment. But it's done, you have to try and make the best of it.
Which state are you in now?

Good luck.

Kent!

[dad2476]

I left because she wanted me out. Is that still abandonment? I live in Kansas. She has already filed for the divorce. I just haven't signed the papers.

[Kent]

Yep, that is abanondment.

And if she already filed first, you'll have an uphill battle.

Unless you can prove that she's abusing the kids, a prostitute and/or doing drugs in front of the kids, she will end up with custody.

Just start documenting everything, and be a civil as you can be.

Kent!

[reagantrooper]

No I dont think this is abondonment at all, far from it! Yes you should have stayed in the house and just ignored her and carried on and let her do what she was going to do. Thats water under the bridge.

If she filed then there must be a tempory CS, Parenting time order. Is there and what does it say?

Does she aledge any abuse?

You need to educate yourself and this site is a great place to start!

Whats the deal with your Son? Why dont you see him? You can bet your ass this will be used against you by this Mom. So be prepared for it.

[Kent]

Any judge will see this as abandonment. You left voluntarily; there was no court order or anything like that. Especially if she claims that one day you just packed and left.

If she filed doesn't mean there is a temporary CS order; this is generally determined during the first hearing, for which you will need to be served.
Check with the courthouse though, she may have given your old address in an attempt to not have you at this hearing, so she can get a default judgement.

Same thing for parenting time order.

Be prepared for any kind of abuse charges (mental, sexual, physical, etc. etc.)

Kent!

[notnew]

Don't let it start off on the wrong foot or you will spend the rest of your children's lives living with the screwed up stuff that happens RIGHT now.
 
Keep us posted!

[dad2476]

Okay, she hasn't actually filed because she asked me to help her pay for it. I was mistaken before. I am really pretty sure that she will not accuse me of any abuse. About the abandonment issue, I am very disturbed by this because I would never leave my family. The reason I left, was because I was in a position where my wife had told me she wanted to end our marriage, and I was living in her mom's house, and was totally uncomfortable. It was a place where the woman I had gave my life to for the past 8 years, hated me and would whisper and get quiet when I was around. My ex mom in law systematically destroyed my marriage to her daughter. Could any of you be in a position like that and want to stay there? Would you stay there? In regards to my son, I was 17 when he was born. I was definitely not ready for parenting, and had no clue what my rights were as a Father. Now, his mom controls everything and when he starts to come around and starts to enjoy himself at my house, she takes him away again and won't let me see him. I sure know how to pick them don't I?

[Kent]

Whatever happened, happened. You can't turn back the clock.

Look forward.

Regardless the circumstances, moving out is always a bad option.
If she wants you to help pay to file for divorce, that is great. But only on your terms.
There are good parenting plans available on this website, use them in your divorce filings, and do not file anything joint unless it is what you want, and she has signed it.

Kent!

[dad2476]

Would you help pay for a divorce that you didn't want? I'm wondering because I have never been in this position before and don't know the "Etiquette" involved in divorce.