Father's at school...

[micj05]

Okay guys how involved in you in your children's school? If you are the NCP do you ask questions, make yourself known to the teachers or do you wait on the CP to fill you in?

[Cookiemomma4]

I know I am not a father, but I do deal with a few of them ;)  My hubby is making himself very well known with the school.  He has already met the teacher and principal at a generic orientation night and personally introduced himself at that time.  It was followed up by a quick email thanking them for their time and a letter mail including self addressed/stamped envelops and a request for anything that is sent home to be signed or giving information also be sent to him (sometimes obviously a copy is warrented).  He also reitterated at that time that he will make himself or me available for anything that the classroom may need help with, or are able to supply anything that they are still in need of.  Although his daughter's first day of school was just yesterday, he will also be calling on Friday to see how the teacher thinks her week went (In the future this may be reduced to an email but for now he wants to get his name and voice out there if nothing else.  THESE PEOPLE CAN BE YOUR BEST FRIENDS AND GREATEST ALLIES!!   USE THEM OR YOU ARE SENDING A CLEAR MESSAGE THAT YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED OR AS INTERESTED AS YOUR EX.

On the other hand, my ex always waited for me to inform him of everything (when my son was in public school, he is now homeschooled) and it got to the point that I felt as if  I was calling him everyday.  I supplied my son's teachers with some addressed and stamped envolopes to send things to him.    At the end of the year, at a parent teacher conference, the teacher didn't even know who he was and I had to introduce them.  Lets just say that if his goal was to let the teacher know that he was interested in his son's education and well-being, he failed in his goal!  

Anyway, I have lots more to say on the topic, but I will leave it at that for now!

[IceMountain]

I live 4 hours from my son, so I can't be as involved as I would like to be.  I participate in school conferences, IEP meetings, go to school fun days, have lunch with my son once a year, collect box tops, soup labels, and can tabs and e-mail his teacher, principal or school secretary with questions.  I send evelopes so his report cards and attendance records can be sent to me, along with progress reports and testing scores.  I visit his school's website regularly and keep a copy of his school calendar.

The school isn't always real timely on getting stuff to me, so I usually have to give a little push in the beginning of the year.  I don't let them ignore me because I have as much of a right to all information as his mom does.  And speaking of mom, I don't trust her to give me copies of anything because she picks and chooses what she wants to share.  (report cards come with attendance cut off, etc.)  If I get it from the school then I know I'm getting a full picture, and it is just easier than struggling with the ex.  Unfortunately the school can be reluctant to share information sometimes, but I am persistent... it's my son's education after all!

[micj05]

I ask this question as a mom who has primary custody. BD lives 1 hr away and has EO wknd parenting time. We both know that dd starts school this year. I offered/ invited him to be a part of the school interviewing process and he declined. He has yet to ask anything at all about her school start date, teacher, or even what school she is attending. I don't keep things secret or try to exclude him. He always has something negative to say about how active dh is in dd life yet he doesn't make any effort at all when it comes to staying current with things that don't happen on his visitation. I'm feeling really "put off" (can't think of a better phrase right now) about the idea of possibly having to send him a formal invitation for her first day of school. Right now I'm pretty much feeling like if he cares he would show at least some intrest, regardless how slight, in her schooling. I am getting very frustrated at having to hold his hand and force his attention.

[wysiwyg]

I suppose that is not such a black/white question as there are so many variables.  What I mean is from reading the above answers, live close , or far, some parents do some dont.  

In our case, I (SMom) work for a division that deals with 7 school corporations, so I get some "inside info" as well as some preferential treatment!  This works well for SS and our daughter as we get emails from teachers and administrators.  HOwever, BM has had so many scenes at school with demands and contempt issues that they have told her any further correspondance between her and the school has to go through her and the school's attorney's.  So we - dad and I - try and limit the involvement with the school for SS so as to only include important issues like grades and problems.  

[step_momma_2boys]

My DH is pretty active in my 2 SS's school life, considering we live 2 hrs away.  We pick them up directly from school EOW and go in and talk w/ their teachers most of the time.  We email frequently as well, just so we can get nearly daily happenings of SS's school life.  For the last 3 school yrs that SS's have been living w/ BM, all the teachers say how amazing it is that they see us more than they see BM.  In fact, this last school year, one of SS's teachers sent a letter to BM saying how she was very concerned that SS does not turn in his homework, but is always playing catch-up w/ homework.  And how it only gets turned in when he has his weekends w/ his dad and me.  I'm sure that didn't make BM very happy!  But, hey... she's the one that needs to get more involved!  It's really sad that the parent that lives w/ the kids are less involved w/ them than the NCP.  

[Sunshine1]

We have the exact opposite.  DH has custody of his 2 sons.  DH is quite aware of what is going on in school but I am the one that is there the most.....aaaak the dreaded SM.  LOL  My son has severe special needs and I am at the school at least minimum 3 times a week.  The teachers all know me WELL.

We go through the same routine EVERY year with BM.  She heads up to the school during the orientation, makes her stink, goes to great lengths to portray herself as the mother of the year that was unjustly reduced to a NCP and then *POOF*, she disappears.

She has been to one school conference in 5 years...and only for one child so she has missed 9 out of 10 school conferences and one class field trip.  Last year I ended up going to younger SS conference and the teacher said we haven't seen or heard from her at all this year.  She never MET younger SS teacher last year.  She favors older SS if she participates at all.  She showed up to drop something off and the teacher had to tell her to leave with her 3 kids 5,4,&2.  She had every intention of hanging out in the classroom with him that day.  How embarrassing for a 3rd grader!

If she smells one wiff that I may know the teacher, she never comes around.  She is just going to love this year's teacher.  She's our neighbor!!!!!!  Gosh I love small towns!!!!!

Oh and BM lives 45 minutes away, which this year one of her other 3 kids starts kindergarten this year so I imagine she will keep busy pestering her teachers. Thank goodness.

[micj05]

So should I jut let his lost (not having an intrest in her first day....) be his lost? Dh and I do all of her activities and appts. We are both very active and involved. I know that the ex resents dh's involvement but at this point I don't really care. At least dh doesn't have to be prompted to ask about dd schooling and things. For heaven's sake...the man Googled her teacher as soon as we got her room assignment in the mail!  

[Sunshine1]

You go on and keep doing what your doing!  You have every right to be involved and trying to make someone be a PARENT...well as you can see on both ends NCP Moms and Dads alike those dogs just won't hunt!

They usually only become involved when the mood or motivation to do so suits them or there is a court appearance near.

[padad]

I have a daughter in the south an in the beginnig of the year i sent out the Request for Record letter w/envelopes. I email the teachers and other school personnel. The problem i have is that the CP works in the same school district, so its harder for me to get "accurate info".Perfect example my daughters teacher last year was reluctant to share any info re: daughter. I sent a nasty gram to the principal and i finally saw a report card. DAughter had straight A's last year, this year it turns out she's below her grade level in tha imp subjects. I dont know how this happened but her teacher this year is very concerned!!!!

Obviously if i didnt keep in touch i wouldnt know any of this, b/c according to CP "she doing great"