Do I have a chance?

[AMGs DADDY]

Let me start with the story..."T" and I met, dated, and moved in together with her 2 children.  I took care of all of them like they were my family.  That is how I felt.  "T" wasn't recieving child support from their father.  We were going to get married, but just before that date arrived, I found out a lot of "not so good" things.  She had been lying to me about money, family, friends, jobs, where she graduated from, you name it. I even found out then that she had another kid who lives with her dad.  She and her kids had moved around from place to place, friends house to grandma's house.  Regular gypies.   Well being the nice guy that I am I decided to give her a chance, after all people change.  The very day I confronted her on these issues, in a nice way, she told me she was pregnant.  Wanting to do the right thing, I decided to set a date a little farther down the road and work this past mysterious life style out.  She then told me she lost the baby.  Things got better between us, I figured she had been through enough losing a baby and all.  As soon as problems arose again, (bogus checks, warrants, lie after lie), she became pregnant again.  The pregnancy was going well, or so I thought, until I came home from work one day and found a suicide note.  She begged me to take care of her kids, she was sorry for what she had put me through.  I took action of coarse.  She went to the quack house for a while and was dismissed with orders to continue treatment. (Which she has not) I helped her through it , our baby was born.  She is a very beautiful baby and so far no problems.  At times "T" would become frustrated and start fights with me (violent ...she would throw things at me, break things).  Still being the nice guy I am, and loving her and the kids I hung in there.  Last month we went on vacation with my sister and her husband.  My sister caught "T" trying to convice her husband to mess around.  That was it for me.  She stays from place to place again.  Since she moved out and left her belongings, I have found more things, such as she filed for food stamps, sooner care, finacial assistance on behalf of my daughter stating to the government that I deny paying child support.  I have proof in all of this, even the suicide letter.  Right now, we are getting the baby on a 4 day rotation.  I can't stand this.  She comes back to me fussy for a couple days like she is starving.  "T" would never harm her, but I feel like I could provide for my daughter and care for her.  This woman is crazy and I am afraid if she tries to end it all again, she might try to take someone with her.  "T" won't even get a job.  The lawyer I talked to basically told me that a baby needs her momma and that the suicide wouldn't even make it in court.  Do I have a chance in getting full custody?  My sister thinks I need to seed out a woman lawyer.  I am afraid I will lose all rights because of unjustice.  Please help

[BelleMere]

I agree with your sister, tho - you need a lawyer who is willing to be your best advocate, not one who will shoot you down before you get out of the gate. so, ditch this lawyer and keep looking. I have a good friend who is in the process of getting full custody of his daughter based on his ex's mental instability. It's taken a lot of time, and a good lawyer, but eventually it's become clear to EVERYONE that the situation is not good for the child. So, be patient - document EVERYTHING even with photos if you need to, and make sure other people see what you see. Also look in the articles section of this website for ways to counter the newborns need their moms argument. Of course in an ideal situation where everyone is healthy and competebt, babies DO benefit from having both parents around - but many men have had to raise their babies on their own and done fine jobs, so frankly it's bullshit.

[AMGs DADDY]

Thank you so much for giving me a sense of hope.  Can you point me in the right direction?  Should I find another lawyer and seek full custody right off the bat?  I don't know where to start.

[ocean]

I would find a lawyer that will fight for you. Yes, I would fight for full custody now. You have some proof now. Do you have hospital records from when she was in there? (and the discharge paper that states she should still be going to XXX). Right now it sounds like you already have 50/50 so you are in a good place now to file.
Good luck!

[notnew]

That lawyer you saw is a goofball. What state are you in?

You need to interview several lawyers, maybe a woman would be helpful, but the best lawyer is a GOOD Family Law/Custody lawyer no matter what the gender.

You need to file papers for custody ASAP. The one who files first usually "wins" (not a good term, but who gets to keep the kid). The proof you have should be able to be used as evidence. Your lawyer may also advise a psych evaluation for "T".

What if she decides to move away while she has the baby? You need to protect yourself now. She has warrants? What kinds of charges? This is a serious situation and the sooner  you take action, the better position you will be in to protect your child. If you allow her the upper hand and she gets custody established in her favor, you will have a lifetime of battles. Trust me, I KNOW. It is nearly impossible to get custody changed no matter how bad the custodial parent is. When momma has the baby, she can be a crack whore and as long as it "appears" the child is being fed and clothed, they most likely won't do a damn thing, even if you have the most stable, wholesome, financially secure environment in the land.

DON'T HESITATE. Get it done NOW.

Keep us posted!

[AMGs DADDY]

Does anyone know of a good attorney in Oklahoma?

[notnew]

I wish I did. Your best bet is to look for a family law speciality. Also, need to find out percentage of fathers seeking custody they have represented and their success ratio. I have seen postings on the site of an association in CA that certifies family law lawyers, but I do not know if they exist in any other states.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

[msme]

What part of Ok are you in? Are you near the TX line? There is an excellent Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist in Wichita Falls, TX. He does practice in OK. He got my son sole custody of his 3 children, one of whom isn't biologically his, from a real pbfh & a very biased man hating judge.

Let me know if you want his info. He is worth the trip. You can also go to //www.Martindalehubble.com & research lawyers in your area. It is a highly respected rating system for lawyers. Just make sure that whomever you choose is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist.

Remember, you are HIRING him/her. They WORK for you! When interviewing lawyers, always ask these questions.

1. What percentage of their firms practice are fathers seeking custody?

2. What is their success rate in defending these types of case?

If the answers are not to your liking, keep looking. You wouldn't want a lawyer who specializes in getting custody for mothers & hanging men out to dry by their wallets.

Also, if you live in a small town, do not use a local lawyer, unless you know a lot about him & the judge you will be in front of. The "good Ol' boys" will not do anything to butt heads with a judge they have to be in front of all the time, & may put their own best interests in front of yours.

Just remember, a cheap attorney is like a cheap tatoo. They usually aren't very good & it can cost a whole lot more to repair the damage.

Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[AMGs DADDY]

yea man, I would greatly appreciate that!! I would sell my soul for my daughter.  She is my life. With her money is no object.  I will find it one way or another.  Please get me the info on this guy ASAP.  

[msme]

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!