We Lost

[KathyNY]

That's good advice, and I will tell FH about it.  We talked to BM last night and she's okay with our coming up to visit for Halloween.  She even gave us the # of a hotel closer than the one we found (our was 10 miles from their house, hers is .53 miles and it's the one they stayed at when they were looking for their house, so she knows it has an indoor pool & a dining room, which were our requirements, in case we don't know what else to do w/ the kids in town).  

I had FH ask BM for SS's school schedule/calendar last night.  The Law Guardian told us he was having it put in the court order that we be given all school info (school name & phone #, teacher's names, etc) and be named as emergency contacts.  We'll make it a point to introduce ourselves and visit SS's classroom when we're there, since we'll be there Monday & Tuesday.

Thanks again for the ideas.  This has been so hard already- today is SS's 1st day of kindergarten and it's so unfair that BM gets to have that all to herself.  They agreed together to have kids, yet she gets all the rewards now, and their dad gets none.  Having stuff to focus on, like this, is what helps me through.  I just wish I knew what to do for FH.

[msme]

until you get there to contact the school. As soon as you have the info, have him write a friendly letter of introduction to the teacher & cc to the principle. Keep it short & sweet. Do not mention court except to say that there is an order providing full access to school & info. & you will provide the school with a certified copy asap.

Move on to your upcoming visit & ask what you can do to assist with the holiday celebration & mention any talents that might be shared with the class. Thank her/him for their kind attention & understanding.

Also, include a supply of SSAE for anything that goes home, like notices, reports, etc. Provide his email addy & ask if the teacher has one for parents to keep in touch with her.

If he breaks ground before hand, gently, he won't look as much like a storm trooper if he finds himself facing an obstical when he gets there.

Good luck & God bless you.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[BelleMere]

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[KathyNY]

Congrats on adopting your Skids!

[dipper]

Kathy, I am so sorry to read this.  I have been in your shoes, but our situation was that bm moved ss two hours away (two hours driving time).  It took two years for the courts to finally listen to what dh said, so persistence is key.

Also, as for your fiance and what you can do.......I think he needs time to grieve the loss of his dream.......and, I have read the key person on one forum here say over and over that you have to live your lives...

Dont let this defeat the two of you...it hurts - hurt doesnt even say enough.  But, you can still be happy.....take it one day at a time.

[KathyNY]

How?  I'm not meaning to be negative and I'm not on the defensive or anything like that (just for clarification).

You say that we have to live our lives...but my fiance's life IS his kids!  Yes, he CAN live w/out them, but everything he does is for them.  He gets up in the morning and goes to a job he hates because it provides for them.  He keeps relationships w/ family members he probably wouldn't because extended family is important to him, for his kids.

How can we "live" when we can't even "feel" right now?  We're so numb with grief and pain nothing else seems to matter.  Living our lives included planning our wedding, talk of having a baby together.  None of that matters anymore.  Those kids always came first and there were times that I resented it, them, him, BM because of it.  But now I'd give anything in the world to have them back.  I put them first myself, without even realizing I'd started doing it, they became MY life, and now I don't have one w/out them either.  Our life together doesn't seem right- because it wasn't a life with two of us- there were four of us.

[msme]

to bring a certified copy of your custody order with you. Also, make contact with the school as soon as you can. Get in touch with the teacher & make yourself know as an interested parent. If the school has a website, you should be able to see what is going on & prepare for it.

You should also send the mother a letter of intent to exercise visitation & send it certified, return receipt requested, in enough time to get the receipt back before you leave. You should probably also get a proof of mailing receipt, just in case she doesn't pick up the certified letter. They hold it for 2 weeks before returning it.

My son's ex would never answer the door when the mailman came with certified's. Then she stood in court & swore that she didn't know anything about anything & that she was never notified. When his lawyer fanned out about 15 returned, unopened, certified letters, the judge told her that she had better not refuse any more.

She may try to block you from going to the school but with your order, a copy of the letter of intent, & her signed receipt for it, you should be able to tactfully persuade the school to let you participate.

Remember, the definition of tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell & have them thank you and ask directions.

Good luck & God bless you all.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[KathyNY]

That's good advice, and I will tell FH about it.  We talked to BM last night and she's okay with our coming up to visit for Halloween.  She even gave us the # of a hotel closer than the one we found (our was 10 miles from their house, hers is .53 miles and it's the one they stayed at when they were looking for their house, so she knows it has an indoor pool & a dining room, which were our requirements, in case we don't know what else to do w/ the kids in town).  

I had FH ask BM for SS's school schedule/calendar last night.  The Law Guardian told us he was having it put in the court order that we be given all school info (school name & phone #, teacher's names, etc) and be named as emergency contacts.  We'll make it a point to introduce ourselves and visit SS's classroom when we're there, since we'll be there Monday & Tuesday.

Thanks again for the ideas.  This has been so hard already- today is SS's 1st day of kindergarten and it's so unfair that BM gets to have that all to herself.  They agreed together to have kids, yet she gets all the rewards now, and their dad gets none.  Having stuff to focus on, like this, is what helps me through.  I just wish I knew what to do for FH.

[msme]

until you get there to contact the school. As soon as you have the info, have him write a friendly letter of introduction to the teacher & cc to the principle. Keep it short & sweet. Do not mention court except to say that there is an order providing full access to school & info. & you will provide the school with a certified copy asap.

Move on to your upcoming visit & ask what you can do to assist with the holiday celebration & mention any talents that might be shared with the class. Thank her/him for their kind attention & understanding.

Also, include a supply of SSAE for anything that goes home, like notices, reports, etc. Provide his email addy & ask if the teacher has one for parents to keep in touch with her.

If he breaks ground before hand, gently, he won't look as much like a storm trooper if he finds himself facing an obstical when he gets there.

Good luck & God bless you.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[BelleMere]

.