Father's Rights: Scared of losing son

[scareddad]

After reading all the posts, I thought this may be a place to get some answers.  Thanks in advance to anyone who responds.

My wife and I have been married for 3+ years and have an amazing son who just turned two.

I have an addiction and have been receiving help for the past year and half.  I have been going through recovery for awhile (with success) but my addiction has caused my wife a lot of pain over the years.

I want to make clear that my addiction has not caused any physical or financial problems.  It has caused a lot of emotional damage.

I am doing everything in my power to set things right.  However, she has recently decided that she does not want to continue our relationship because she cannot get past the pain I have caused.  We have been down this road a few times, but I think she has come to the conclusion that she can never forgive me.

Despite our problems our son is great. I love him with all my heart and it would crush me to lose him.  He has been my angel through some tough days and my reason for wanting to get help.


The fears I have are as follows:

1) My wife has recently taken our son out of state to visit her family and has informed me she does not want to return.  Do she have the right to take him?  Do I have an options for getting them to come back.

2) My wife is from a foreign country.  She has dual citizenship and so does my son.  I am very scared she will decide to leave the country.  Can I do anything to stop her?

3) Since I am a recovering addict, do I have any rights in the eyes of the courts?

[Kent]

1) Yes, she can take him there. No, she is not allowed to not return him.
If she does not return, you need to file for custody immediately. Any day you wait will be held against you, and after 6 months her new location will take jurisdiction.

2) In your court filings, you will want to have your son's passports held by the court (usually your attorney), and a court order that your son is not to leave the country.
If she applies for a new foreign passport, and still takes him, you can file child abduction charges, and if her country is a signatory country of the The Hague Convention on Child Abduction, then eventually the child should be returned. However, this may take anywhere from 2 to 5 years, sometimes longer.

3) You have the same rights as any other father. However, your previous addiction will be held against you, and weigh heavily.
You MUST stay clean, offer the courts to submit yourself to periodic and/or random screenings (I assume it's drugs), participate in help groups, get counseling, take parenting classes, anything you can think of that will look good to the judge.

Good luck!

Kent!

[reagantrooper]

In the absence of any court order you should go "visit" with your Son and return with him to the home and file for divorce and custady. You need to take this action ASAP and without letting her know what your plan is. You need to do this before she leaves the Country with your Son.

What are you addicted to?

What country is she from?

[Kent]

Since she has already stated that she doesn't want to come back, she will be very cautious, and things could go wrong in a heartbeat.
Then she could file assault charges against you, and you'll be lucky to get supervised visitation. Next to that, with an assault charge against you, she will be free to go wherever she wants to.

Kent!

[scareddad]

1)  She is from the Dominican Republic.  I am not sure what type of relationship the US has with tihs country.  Any ideas?

2) I did not think the type of addiction mattered.  I think the most important thing is that I am getting help.  Does it matter?

Latest update is that she is willing to come home, provided she can find someone to come with her.  She drove to her destination with her sister (who lives there) and is nervous to travel back with our son alone.

I have offered to pay for the persons flight home and offered to fly out myself and drive back with them.  I also suggested that if she would like to travel alone she could split the trip and stay in a hotel.

She is not a horrible person, just someone who is deeply hurt and thinks our son is "her" son.

I have been doing a lot of research and seen a lot of references to documenting events.  Should I being doing this now?  Will it help me?

[reagantrooper]

Big difference between lets say cigaretts and herion. Its all good that she says she will come home. I think you should get your sons passport and rip it up. The next time she pulls this crap she just may leave the Country then you and your Son will be screwed.

[tf11]

I'm a big fan of documenting EVERYTHING. There are many ways to do it.
I like to keep logs of events, positive things, negative things, generally everything that's happened.

You never know when you'll need to pull a precise date and/or place of an event for something..usually a court action..

I would err on the side of documenting everything.....

The quicker you can provide information to those who need it (the court, your  attorney, etc.) the better off you will be.

[mistoffolees]

Find an attorney and ask them about filing for custody immediately. If you have a letter from her or any other indication that she's not going to return, it will help a lot. As someone else suggested, ask the court to hold her passport.

The biggest factor that you have to be able to prove is that the move will be the welfare of the child. At age 2, there's a strong presumption that visits should be frequent and relatively short. You can probably argue that if she's in Florida, you won't be able to visit often enough to be an important part of the child's life. Of course, the downside is that at age 2. he hasn't developed a lot of friendships or relationships at school, so there's not as much intrinsic harm to relocating him. My daughter is 8 and the fact that she's lived most of her life in the same house, has the same friends, and has always gone to the same school argues pretty strongly for NOT moving her out of state. You won't have that advantage.

I really can't comment on #3 other than to say that the ultimate issue will be how it affects the child. I would suggest that you NOT spell out what the addiction is, but let's put it this way - if it's a drug or alcohol addiction, there's a good chance that it will have a very negative impact on the child. If it's a sex addiction and you are discreet, the child need never know about it. If it's gambling (and you are able to keep the finances under control), again, the child will probably not be greatly affected. Without knowing the details (which, again, I would encourage you NOT to disclose here), it's hard to be specific. But focus on what's best for the child. An attorney will probably be necessary - if for no other reason than to protect you against your ex's attempts to blackmail you.

Good luck.

[timtow]

You need to go talk to a lawyer in your jurisdiction.  The details of the addiction will matter.  Be careful not to minimize, in your own mind, what's gone on over the last few years, and be straightforward with your lawyer.  And I agree, keep the child's interests at the forefront.  The most important thing is that he has a clean daddy.  If you've been busy with addiction and recovery, and your wife has been holding things together, odds are good that most of the childcare and attention to maintaining a home and social world for the child have fallen to her.  If that's how it's been, think hard about how much work -- consistent work -- and stress custody involves, and think about how compatible that load is with your ongoing recovery.