Such a thing as too much therapy?

[WhatToDo]

BM has SD going to therapy once a week with her and once a week by herself. Now she wants DH to take his daughter to therapy once a week with him. Therefore she would be going to therapy Monday with BM, Wednesday with DH and Thursday by herself every week. Isn't this a little excessive? SD is only 6 years old.

[Sherry1]

nm

[WhatToDo]

Okay...here goes...I would say it's a combination of all the following...

BM went to prison for 15 months and custody was given to SD's maternal grandmother who is emotionaly abusive. After the 15 months, my DH finally got to see his daughter after about 3 years of having no contact with her. (the mother moved and kept him from seeing her) Then BM regained custody (pending a custody hearing) and she moved SD from the grandmothers, to a new apartment, and after 1 month, moved AGAIN across the state from us. So SD was moved constantly.

After she moved across the state, she kept us from finding her for 4 months. BM's boyfriend (who SD also calls daddy ) left the country for 5-6 months. So, she basically lost both her "dads" at the same time. DH got to see his daughter once in December, once in Febrauary and once in April (we lived over 300 miles away and couldn't afford more visits)We now live 10 miles away from BM and SD, and BM has cut off all contact with us once again. We haven't seen my DH's daughter since April.

Only contact we had was about a month ago when the mother called wanting DH to take SD to therapy. This came after BM told him on the phone a couple weeks before, that she was done dealing with my DH and basically she wasn't going to let DH see his daughter again. BM said her lawyer was sending papers for my DH' to sign and then he could take SD to therapy. (we don't know what these papers are going to say)  We have not received anything from her lawyer and she still won't answer the phone. SO we really don't know what's going on.

We recently found out that BM was using drugs on an every day basis right before she went to prison.

So, SD has had people come in and out of her life for her entire life. She had grandparents and aunts and uncles (DH's side) that were all a part of her life and then when she was about 2, the mother left the state and started causing all these problems. SD hasn't seen most of DH's family since she was 2. She met a couple of them last summer but hasn't seen them since. BM won't allow anyone contact with SD.

Yes we are going to court for contempt. The hearing is less than a month away. We have everything documented and emails and phone records showing denial of DH's court ordered visitation and BM not answering her phone so DH can have his court ordered phone visitation.

Just seems that BM is making SD need all this therapy. I think she needs SOME therapy...but 3 times a week?

[Sherry1]

If everything you are saying here is correct, then you need to file for sole custody.  What does your attorney say?

[WhatToDo]

Since we just moved across the state, we are going to do a change of venue. Basically we are going for contempt in the old jurisdiction since court is on the 6th.  

DH has an appointment to meet with an attorney in our new location in a couple weeks so after we do a change of venue, (and after the contempt hearing) we are going to go ahead and fight for sole custody here with the new attorney that practices strictly family law. (unlike our current atty. who is telling us that it's not the right time to fight for custody)

We are hoping that after the contempt hearing, DH can see SD more and establish a stronger relationship with her until we get a custody hearing scheduled with the new atty.

[Sherry1]

and if you can get a court order to get her drug tested, you shouldn't have any problems getting custody.  In the meantime, I would suggest your DH go to all counseling sessions he can to demonstrate he is doing whatever is in the best interest of his daughter.

[WhatToDo]

We have court records from her hearing, saying she had failed 6 out of 7 drug tests. BUT, this was 2 1/2 years ago. She has implied that she would never do anything like that but she doesn't know we have her court records. So we thought we could at least get her tested based on these prior tests. DH wants to go to the therapy sessions so the therapist can hear from him and maybe quit believing all the lies BM is telling the therapist about him.  But she said she wasn't going to allow him to go to the sessions until he signed these "papers" from her lawyer. We have tried finding the therapist but we have had no luck, so we can't call her ourself to set up a meeting. We're just waiting for these so called papers and go from there.

I'm betting that BM has decided not to send any papers since she got notice of the contempt hearing AFTER she asked DH to take SD to therapy.

[Sherry1]

you are probably right, you will not get the "papers" now.  

[WhatToDo]

Court is on the 6th of December for the contempt case but since we don't yet have an atty at our new location, we don't have a court date.

It's actually too bad that DH can't take SD to therapy. At least he'd be getting a couple hours a week with her instead of the 0 minutes he has been getting for the last 6 months.

[marcuswelby]

The maternal grandmother got ustody before BM went to prison.   Why didn't dad get custody at this time?

You mentioned there was a second custody hearing in which the court gave BM custody.  Did DH petition for custody at that time?

I'm not sure I'd push the drug issues.  You say the drug tests were failed prior to prison which was at least more than a year ago.  Figure she was clean for the 15 months of prison.  Random urinalysis is generally a part of probation, so it's more than likely she can demonstrate a long period of sobriety and/or completion of some sort of rehab.  Talk to your attorney, but the court probably won't look down on her after years of sobriety.  

As to the therapy, Mom is giving the appearance of doing whatever is necessary to maintain her daughter's mental health and well being by attending family sessions with her.  DH would do well to follow suit and demonstrate an equal effort.

DH can consider it reunification therapy and a time to renew his relationship with his daughter.   At 6 years old, it's going to largely be play therapy and a time for them to bond with the establishment of healthy boundaries, hopefully.