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What would you do?

Started by YdoIcare, Dec 03, 2006, 10:47:32 AM

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I need your advice today!! I'm a newbie here.  

DH has a situation...

SD hand delivered an Orthodontist quote for $300 (our half per BM) from BM yesterday (not in an envelope) during our visit with SD this weekend. You could tell that SD was a little uncomfortable with that, but we didn't say anything. Although DH just stood there staring at it, like he didn't know what it was!


Background: This is an expense that BM said she'd cover when we told her we couldn't afford it. We couldn't/can't afford it at the time, but also feel that SD needs to earn them. Braces are a big responsibility for the $$ and SD is showing NO responsiblity in her classes at school...she has failed at least 3 classes each report card this school year, since being back with her mom. SD was failing 4 classes each report card w/ BM when she came to us about this time last year. We are currently in court trying to address this situation.

Regardless, DH had a conversation with BM where he confirmed with her that she was not expecting any $$ from us and she said she wouldn't ask for anything...we assumed she agreed to this because she didn't provide support to us for SD with so much as two cents,while SD lived with us for 8 months out of the last school year and she KEPT 3 MONTHS of CS WHILE SD WAS IN OUR HOME!!!!!

Please note!  WE DID NOT ASK FOR ONE THIN DIME for all of the counseling, psychiatrist visits, prescriptions and voice lessons that we provided SD while in our home, not even for general necessities! We thought she would offer...What a joke!

Anyway...DH and I are not sure how to respond to this 'Bill'.

Should DH...

1) Call her and tell her he's not sending anything? I was thinking we should put it in writing, although we do record conversations.

2) Send her a bill for 1/2 of the expenses that we incurred last year? and maybe a request of reimbursement of say...$250/mo in CS?  We pay $450/mo and are not in arrears to this day! *My mischievous side likes this one*  Can DH threaten to file for back CS for those 8 months?

3) Consult our attorney? (We do have one on retainer) per our current custody modification dispute.


4) Just ignore it?

We don't want any $$ back from her really, (although it would be nice)...but we're not inclined to give her anything over support for quite some time, siting the above points. Do we have a leg to stand on?

NOTE: DH, BB and SD are being 'evaluated' by a psychologist right now per court order. We want to make sure that we do the right thing and the more adult thing, if you KWIM. Although doing the adult thing is a little harder than I thought it would be.  

Please help, we're just not real sure what we should do.

Thanks for reading


What is does the last court order say about child support/medical costs? It is really goes to what was last court ordered. Do not pay anything until you get a bill from the dentist with what the insurance is paying. Most dentists will be both parents or you can send in payment directly to the dr. office. Be careful what you put in writing write now...since she has custody now, she can go get child support from you regardless of what the situation was in the past. Also, child support/medical is SEPARATE that the custody so how she is doing with mom will not affect the outcome of money issues...
Good luck!


If your court order says you are supposed to split the costs, then you are supposed to split the costs.

You shot yourselves in the foot by not following the court order if that is what the court order says.

You shot yourselves in the foot by not filing for primary custody when SD was living with you for 8 months or filing for a change in the CS.

Not asking for CS was a mistake that you two made. She is not obligated to pay you anything if no order is in place. AND any payments made without an order will be considered a "gift" and not as child support payments in most cases (Socrateaser can give you the low down on this).

Braces are not something that should be earned. She needs them, she gets them. It is a health care issue. Name brand shoes, jackets, clothes, trips, proms, those are the kinds of optional things she can earn with good grades.

You should be following the order.

How should you respond to the bill? Ask for a copy of the full bill from the dentist and pay 1/2.

Start following the rules. Your actions are detrimental to your case and to the child's best interests. This is how the court will see it and they will also see this bickering as frivilous.

I don't mean to offend. Just telling you how I see it.


I see it that way too.  I had braces for 5 years and I am pretty sure if I had the option to the "earn" them I would of tanked every class to get out of wearing them.  It wasn't very fun.

It is easy for a her to get braces now then when she is an adult or older when there is much more pain involved.  Children's mouths are more moldable that a 30 year olds.

DH is her father and should pay for half of his daughter's needs, if CS is already covering the needs part then the additional services that are required for the child should be split...and you should be following your order.


It depends on what the court ordered medical/dental is.  IF you are ordered to pay half then you must pay half.  Braces aren't usually put on a child if they don't need them so having to "earn" them isn't even an issue (or shouldn't be).  If it is a need it should be supplied. Period.