New and in need of help

[MichelinMan]

Long story short ..My ex disapeared for 4 years telling me my daughter was not mine ..She  told me this after she started seeing a guy who was very controlling and told her she wasnt allowed to talk to me ..Now that they have got a divorce the ex has come knocking on my door telling me sh eis mine..I want something in writing  and a paternity test .As of now she sends my kid to her ex husbands every other weekend and i see her every weekend her mother is suppose to have her....I could never type the whole story it would take me forever  but if someone has a first step for me to take in getting a paternity test and starting some visitation that would be great

[mistoffolees]

I'd probably start by talking to an attorney. Too many things can go wrong even in the simplest situation and you're going to want to protect yourself as well as maximizing the chances that you'll get what you want.

For example, if you take a paternity test and the child is yours, it's not too much of a stretch to see you getting a bill for 4 years worth of child support.

Good luck.

[Ref]

to get a good family law attorney. If you can find one that specializes in Father's rights, that would be even better.

I think the problem most of us come across is trying to save money when the situation first comes up and completely screwing ourselves. Spend the $$ now and avoid terrible future consequences.

Keep asking questions here. You will be amazed at how many others share your story.

Best Wishes
Ref

[WHN]

My husband and I went through something kind of like this with his kids, the difference is SHE left the kids with him (three kids, to be exact, two toddlers and an infant) and basically only came back into their lives when I came into the picture...3 yrs later.  
She got mad because we got engaged and basically told him that she'd pick the oldest (who was in kindergarten at the time) up from school and he'd never see her again, then stated that that child wasn't his anyway.
Well...Within days I had dragged him to an attorney and he handled it from there...We made a lot of offers for visitation and such but she'd agree to nothing, she refused to quit drugs and succumb to drug testing, she refused to pay support of any kind, and wanted us to pay her gas money to pick up and drop off the kids since she was not allowed to take them to her home (due to her boyfriend dealing drugs out of that house) unless she moved and got her own residence.  Well...In the end, several thousand dollars later we ended up getting more than we'd originally asked for, she got less visitation that she'd wanted, and currently she doesn't even take them for the time she's alotted.  She misses holidays, calls and says she's coming and doesn't show and ignores our phone calls.  
In any case the VERY first thing we did, because my husband was afraid she was not lying, that his daughter might not be his, was go and establish paternity.  He's known her as his from day one, she was 5 yrs old, he wasn't giving her up.  We filed a declaration of paternity (because a birth certificate apparently means very little) and because of the years invested the child is, by law, his.  There has NEVER been a paternity test but if you're willing to give up the child if she's not your biological daughter, then I'd say that should be your first step.
You won't get nailed for back child support unless you had an order in place, unfortunately that was something we learned, too...I'm sure that varies state to state so you should probably check that out but I can't imagine it's terribly different.
Either way, good luck...