I need my son!

[xixao]

Hi,

I'm new to these forums, and have a situation I'm hoping to find some help in.

I was with a girl for 4 years, and we were engaged to be married for a year. We have a 16-month-old son.

November 8th, 2006, she provoked a fight, in which she threatened me with custody, and locked herself in the bathroom with my son. She was acting crazy, and my son was screaming. I picked the lock to the bathroom, to find her pressing him against the shower door. I told her to put him down several times, and she refused. I grabbed the arm closest to me (her right arm), and took him from her. She then used him to pull me into her knee, which she planted firmly in my groin. After she refused to release us, I slapped her, and she ran to the police to file A&B charges against me. She produced bruises on her LEFT arm, which had not been touched during this incident. She also claimed that I had BOTH arms twisted behind her back, and threw her to the floor. According to her statement, she somehow kept my son in her arms through all of this...

I was arrested and spent that night in jail. The court released me on Personal Bond, preventing me from returning to my house or having any contact with her. She then proceeded to dictate a parenting schedule of Tues & Thurs from 6p-8p, and 4 hours on the weekend.

There is a trial set for Feb 26th, at my request. A temporary order was just signed, giving me every other weekend from 5p Friday to 5p Sunday. It also ordered me to pay $664/month child support, and gave her family first rights to watching my son when she is in school or work, against my wishes to be awarded those rights.

She has a history of mental instability, witnessed by people in my family and who have lived with us in the past. The law doesn't seem to care. She has complete favor and I, being the father, am continually being subjected to the gender bias we've all come to know and love...

I need my son. She's far too unstable to properly care for him. She never even used to seem interested in caring for him. She would sleep until late hours in the afternoon, dropping brownies in his crib when he woke up, and going back to bed. I took care of everything.

Someone PLEASE tell me what I can do to win custody. I can't sit back and let the law make a determination in her favor, solely based on her gender. Anything anyone can do to help would be most appreciated.


Thank you!
Steve

[HelpingHands]

You'll need to hire an attorney!

He can request psychological testing, request her mental health records, etc. Get as many witnesses that will testitfy in court that she has witnessed her instability.

I would have called the law the minute she locked herself in the bathroom with my child and let them know she is unstable. But you can't change the past. Your attorney may be able to convince them that you were acting in your child's interests by keeping her from injuring him and in the process she was hurt. Don't try to do this alone.

Write to socrateaser and ask for his guidance in the meantime. Follow his guidelines or he will not respond.
http://www.deltabravo.net/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=106

[xixao]

Hi,

Yes, I've hired a few attorneys. The one handling the custody/support situation is from ADAM (the American Divorce Association for Men). I also have a criminal attorney working on my case for the trial on the 26th.

I will write to socrateaser as you suggested. Thank you for your response.


Steve

[Hawkeye]

More importantly, your son needs YOU. Sounds like you might want to hire a Private Investigator to check her out on occasion.

Document, document and document everything you can in a spiral notebook. Be sure to list times/dates of child exchanges or any other contact with this malicious mother.

Whenever possible, bring along someone willing to be a witness for exchanges. At least carry a pocket cassette recorder or video camera of some sort. You may be able to establish a pattern of hostility on her part. My ex used to "set-up" visits, just to bait me, then for whatever feeble "reason" would cancel or back out, hoping I would make a fuss. Of course, she tried to turn those around as "stalking or harrasment".

Once you have specific, court ordered "visitation" times, take advantage of every one offered, and be sure to carry (at least a current) copy of any court orders, so you can reassure the police, if need be, that you are only trying to excercise (what little) of the rights you have. On rare occasions, I've met a sympathethic officer who actually tried to negotiate the situation.

Whatever you do, don't throw any gasoline on her fire. If she refuses your "parenting time" with your son, just walk away, knowing you have the future to look forward to. Keep in mind, you're not walking away from your son, but away from a volitile situation with this wacko. That may be key to keeping him safe, while with her. If she can't "press any of your buttons" she might give up and begin to cooperate.

[Jade]

>More importantly, your son needs YOU. Sounds like you might
>want to hire a Private Investigator to check her out on
>occasion.
>
>Document, document and document everything you can in a spiral
>notebook. Be sure to list times/dates of child exchanges or
>any other contact with this malicious mother.
>
>Whenever possible, bring along someone willing to be a witness
>for exchanges. At least carry a pocket cassette recorder or
>video camera of some sort. You may be able to establish a
>pattern of hostility on her part. My ex used to "set-up"
>visits, just to bait me, then for whatever feeble "reason"
>would cancel or back out, hoping I would make a fuss. Of
>course, she tried to turn those around as "stalking or
>harrasment".
>
>Once you have specific, court ordered "visitation" times, take
>advantage of every one offered, and be sure to carry (at least
>a current) copy of any court orders, so you can reassure the
>police, if need be, that you are only trying to excercise
>(what little) of the rights you have. On rare occasions, I've
>met a sympathethic officer who actually tried to negotiate the
>situation.
>
>Whatever you do, don't throw any gasoline on her fire. If she
>refuses your "parenting time" with your son, just walk away,
>knowing you have the future to look forward to. Keep in mind,
>you're not walking away from your son, but away from a
>volitile situation with this wacko. That may be key to keeping
>him safe, while with her. If she can't "press any of your
>buttons" she might give up and begin to cooperate.
>
>


If what the original poster states is true, he will want to take a witness with him during exchanges.  This way if she does act out, it isn't a he said, she said situation.

[HelpingHands]

Always take a witness with you for exchanges. Always.

[xixao]

Well, right now, the Personal Bond prevents me from returning to my home, so my family handles all the pickups and dropoffs...

[reboundmom]

>Always take a witness with you for exchanges. Always.

Don't want to hijack here, but in reference to the question of a witness for exchanges:

My pick up is equidistant b/t the two households (15 miles apart). The EOW plan calls for me to p/u dd at the appointed location at 6PM Fridays and return her @6PM on Sunday.

I do not have an available witness for the Friday p/u as I live in an area w/severe traffic problems. It takes an hour and a half to get to the exchange on Fridays. I do this by leaving work early and taking a photo w/a date and time stamp to show that I am arriving in a timely fashion.

My question is this: how many single parents have an available witness to go for a 2 hr car trip every other Friday at 4:30 PM? Is this a realistic suggestion?

[mistoffolees]

Unless you have a pretty good friend with lots of time on their hands, that's not very practical.

You could suggest that the pickup take place in a safe, public place - like a police station.

[reboundmom]

>Unless you have a pretty good friend with lots of time on
>their hands, that's not very practical.
>
>You could suggest that the pickup take place in a safe, public
>place - like a police station.

Exactly. That's where it is:-)