Father in need of help desperately

[navyguy12180]

Here is where it begins, or rather it begins yrs ago, but you probably want to see the "case" as it stands today.

 

   3 weeks ago i filed for custody of our daughter.i did this because the motherwe will say her name is Brenda, asked me to do it because she is only getting 50 dollars of the 160 a week i pay to child support. her reason for this is " why pay them 160 when im only getting 50, get joint custody so we can have your child support taken away and u just give it to me". so like a fool i agreed. our court date was scheduled for 7/25/07 (yesterday) @ 215pm. co i came home from visitting my mother at 11 am, to find the NYS police at my door. i invited them in and they said they wanted to discuss something with me. i agreed. they started asking me when, where, how often i have my daughter, does she stay over night, where does she sleep, does she bath on her own or does she require help...on and on. by now i already know where this is leading but cant cant quite fathom it. I mean what father who does nothing but love and cherise there child could. so finally they tell me exactly why they are here. it turns out Brenda filled a complaint with child prtective services on 7/23/07 (two days before our first appearance), claiming that i had "innapropriate contact" with our daughter. CPS then did then shuttled our daughter to an unknown location to "interview" her. at this point when the State Police left i hurried to be able to make the court appearance. when i got there our childs, law guardian was there and she asked me questions about the family court case. at this time i told her what just happened. as soon we got into the court she told the judge that BRENDA just told her about the alligations which was B.S. that part doesnt really matter but i feel you should get a feel for the type of ppl im dealing with. so natural the judge post poned everything untill the investigation is over. after court i raced to the office of the CPS. i met with the investigator at CPS who is handling this report. nice lady of about 21 or 22. come to find out she is the one that interviewed our daughter. with all do respect how much experiance could she really have in this type of situation? so we had a lengthy conversation that didnt really accomplish much and i was actually the one giving out more information and answering more questions from her even though i sought her out. any ways the most important thing i learned was that the interview with my daughter was not video taped, nor was it recorded. all that was done is she wrote out notes AFTER she did the interview.

 

   In this day in age you are probably well aware of the research done on how kids of preschool age are so easily made or coerced or led (choose your word) to say, or admit or accuse most anything or anyone of anything. i spent the entire day searching the web for any information on this. I went to Yahoo search and typed in "leading questions child molestation" and got 247000 hits. the very first link i clicked on had me dumbfounded. Here is the link and you draw your own conclusion  

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/bridges1.php#Intro

 

i think at this point perhaps i should go into mine and Brendas relationship. obviously we are no longer together as of 2 yrs ago. she has since found another man to support her and had a child with him. any ways its been an on and off again friendship. from the way i see it when I have money were friends when i dont im the devil in her eyes. when i give her what she wants guess what were friends, when i dont give her what she wants guess what?...you guessed it. 4 mont5hs ago i tried to get custody of our daughter, unknown to her. what i didnt relize was that she got a copy of the petition. oh my God you should heard the telephone conversation we had...or i should say she had. Ive never heard such cussing and foul language before in life (and i spent 3 yrs in the navy). so any ways 2 days after the phone call i had Child protective services at my house, saying that they heard i didnt have any food in my house and that i had power tools everywhere , which wasnt true and eventually they told me the allegations were unfounded and they were closing case. im trying to show you a pattern here, there are more instances of this same behavior but i would be here at this computer untill next week, and i still have to goto work in the morning.

 

  so you see my dillema hopefully. at this point i would like to say that I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO MY DAUGHTER that could even possibly considered innapropriate. My view is that anyone who would or even has thoughts of doing something to there child or anyone elses for that matter needs to have there testicles cut off fed to them and then be administered syrup of epicac so they can be forced fed again. Then SHOT.

 

     Of course im scared of what may come of this, but mostly im afraid for my daughter and what something like this will do to her. obviously if Brenda has led her to say these things isnt that some sort of abuse in its own right. isnt a child of 3.5 still very fragile and to play with her version of reality a disastor waiting to happen. for her to grow up thinking that yes, my dad do this to me, or even when she does get older and relizes that i didnt this but yet im convicted and spend god knows how much time in prison. eery day she would have to live with herself knowing that her mother put that seed there and she went along with it. the "game".

 

so that my story and again this all just happenned today. tommorrow is another day and hopefully i will find out more. i plan to keep you all posted on events as they happen. since i plan to represent my self because i cant afford an attorney and i dont quialify for a public defender, i will post copies of all documents i receive in regards top this case. hopefully there is someone out there that maybe able to help. maybe theres some ppl out there that just want to show they care, or perhaps i can raise some questions and awareness as to the unfairness of the custody battle.  to all you fathers and mothers going thru the same thing as i am, hang in there, fight, dont give up, and God Bless You.

 

Time Is Running Out

Brandon

[FatherTime]

Hi Brandon,

Welcome.  

First of all, I'd like to start where you finished.  

"maybe theres some ppl out there that just want to show they care, or perhaps i can raise some questions and awareness as to the unfairness of the custody battle"

Forget about changing anything or raising awareness.  Focus on you and yours for now.  Very important.  

The courts can see the timing of the report in relation to your filing of court papers.  However, they have to investigate the report of "innappropriate contact" by law.  Don't hold that against them.  Don't judge them too soon.  

You should look into filing civil charges against the mother in small claims court and file for criminal proceedings to be brought up on the mother for filing false charges. (varies by state)  EXPECT NOTHING.
So don't waste too much time.

I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU CONTACT AN ATTORNEY.  Your emotions will get the best, THE BEST, of you.  Stay calm, stay educated (or get educated), breathe and enjoy any time that you get with your child. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, pay your child support (which more than likely supports your local commissioner).

As for visitation.... record all occurrences from now on in a journal of some form.  (see http://www.parentingtime.net - Optimal) Record all persons' names if known, times, place, and other relevant information.  You need to do this in order to begin to protect yourself.  I wouldn't start videotaping or recording audio because it can be perceived as aggressive.  (let alone being male can cause you to be perceived as aggressive.)

I'm not an attorney, liewyer, judicial officer, counselor, therapist, G.A.L, nor am I an authority on any subject.

FatherTime

I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU CONTACT AN ATTORNEY.
Talk to a local atty or liewyer.  One may help you on a sliding fee or pro bono.  I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU CONTACT AN ATTORNEY.

[[email protected]]

Brandon,

I am going to give you some of my background so that you can understand where I am coming from.  I am a divorced mother of 2.  I came from a marriage of domestic violence and my daughter WAS sexually abused by her father, who is still currently in the navy.  His criminal trial regarding the rape and sodomy of my daughter is beginning the end of this month, after a nearly 3 year fight for justice.  I have a preponderence of documentation, physical, dr. documentation, therapy disclosures, and pictures of her battered body and my son's eyewitness testimony.  Now, without going into extreme detail on my own case, I want to make a statement to you.  It makes me completely enraged when I hear stories of false allegations, because it is the women (and men) making these false allegations that make it that much harder for people in our circumstance to get protection and justice.  

A legitimate case of sexual abuse will begin like this:  If the abuse began while the child was young (preschool), there will be instances where the child expresses knowledge of sexual acts or parts, etc. that are not appropriate for their age.  I missed these signs, because they will be disturbing or shocking accounts that you know could not have happened because the people or person described in the tale may not even exist.  However, it is not the actual specifics that are important, it is the inappropriate knowledge.  There may also be inappropriate sexual behavior.  Also, look for symptoms such as unexplained anxiety, inability to concentrate, violent outburts for no apparent reason...especially toward you (a sexually abused child often feels or is even told that you know and don't care), night terrors, scared around a certain person or certain types of persons (such as scared around men or people that fit a certain description), frequent genital itching, frequent urinary tract infections or yeast infections.  These are just some of the signs and symptoms.  Also, a child will usually exhibit one of 2 extreme behaviors: fearful and withdrawn, or overly friendly with no inhibitions.  There is rarely a middle ground.  Also the child may exhibit destructive behaviors with themselves (hitting themselves, cutting themselves, pinching themselves) or others.  If none of these symptoms exist, then a CPS worker that is citing sexual abuse has not investigated properly.  I would also suggest that you begin to have your daughter checked out by a third party, such a a dr. or nurse, at the beginning and ending of each period od time you spend with her.. This will provide documentation of her physical state when she is with you and documentation if abuse is occurring while with your ex-wife.  When she is with you, YOU MUST take lots of pictures and video, as it will go to establish a pattern of her behavior around you...whether or not she is fearful and anxious, or relaxed and happy, etc.  Enter family counselling with her, so there is professional documentation and opinion.  If you have not already, attend every parenting class available to you, including classes about recognizing the signs and symptoms of abuse.  Check out books on these subjects from the library and submit printed a printed copy to the court of the books you have checked out and read.  The key: document everything, I mean EVERYTHING.  Contrary to many people's popular beliefs, it is very, very difficult to make a sexual abuse charge stick.  A woman that is only trying to manipulate and lie for the sake of custody WILL NOT report to police authorities and pursue under the law.  WHY???  Well, several reasons.  It takes a lot of evidence to even get a DA to agree to put out a warrant, and it has to be more than the testimony of the child.  Also, if there were enough evidence to prosecute, the father going to jail means no more child support or benefits for mom.  Most women that are alienators are very motivated by money and see the child as their possession and means of financial gain.  My fiancee is going through a case of parental alienation right now.  It is unfounded with no evidence or grounds for abuse.  In fact, the evidence of abuse is against her, but because of her gender, CPS and authorities are refusing to investigate properly.  Again, the key to all of these situations is WHO HAS THE PROOF.  DOCUMENT< DOCUMENT< DOCUMENT!  After 3 years, I have finally been able to obtain a protective order for my children and we are finally able to be seeing criminal charges and a trial occurring.  The truth will always prevail...it just takes more time than we want it too sometimes.  The only way to win in the courts is to have hard evidence on your side.  It is not enough just to know what the truth is, you must prove it.

[[email protected]]

I want to clarify, that my fiancee has not been accused of physical or sexual abuse towards his children.  Her statements to drs. have been that he "bipolar" and "doesn't work".  (He is a disable vet on a pension.)  Also, I have spoken with the exwife and monitored conversations between him and her, so I am informed as to where the problem actually lies.  I have also spoken with the girls and listened to conversations that took place between them and their father.  As I am aware from my own experience, people can twist reality.  So I made it a point to see things for myself.  One other thing I might suggest, if you have joint legal custody and have phone conversations with your daughter...go get recording equipment for your phone (you can usually find it at Radio Shack).  As long as your ex-wife is not on the phone in the conversation, the tapes could most likely be admissable in court because you, as a legal custodian were consenting to your daughter being taped (and of course yourself).  Also, even though tapes between you and your ex-wife may not be admissable in court as evidence, the conversations could be played for a CPS investigator or Guardian Ad Litem to support your claims.  the other thing, do your best to communicate with the ex-wife in varifiable means for court, i.e. e-mail and certified mail.  There is little point trying to hold a phone conversation with an unreasonable person that will not behave rationally.  You might as well communicate in a manner that can be presented in court.