Refused to pick up Cert Letter, refuses to discuss issues

[tikkim]

This is probably a worn out topic.

My DH is a great, involved dad to three great kids -all under age 10, all girls.  He has joint/shared custody - a three day rotation schedule - but BM is "custodial parent"; however, he's had them more nights each year for the past 3 years than BM has - mainly due to BM's issues - she's had stalkers, hospitalizations and out of town boyfriends.

Here's our biggest issues and what he included in a letter he sent to her certfied mail while she was on vacation (and in town) but she refused to pick up the letter.  

When they discuss things in advance, such as soccer enrollment, BM has agreed to pay for things and then won't give DH the money.  For example, even though CS is meant to cover extra-curricular activities, school supplies, or clothes, DH will discuss with BM and they agree to each pay half.  DH pays the full amount and then when he tries to get her share, she tells him off.

Last year when she was not working, and the kids needed backpacks I suggested that Dh and I pay half for them if she would take them.  She agreed readily and I was happy since I wouldn't have to take htem shopping in all the craziness of back to school.  Instead of taking them to look for backpacks, she took the money and took them to the waterpark for the day.  That was two days before school started...the following day Dh and I took them to get backpacks.  She still refuses to reimburse us any of the money!

Its not like we haven't done a lot for her - we paid a huge chunk on her mortgage to help out and give the kids stability.  We waited over six months after she got a good job (her first decent job) before asking for  reduction in CS....

So, anyway, he quit paying for things in advance - although it breaks his heart because the kids won't get to play soccer or do karate and such.

The other issue is medical/dental appts and medicines.  BM won't take them or schedule appts or buy maint. meds for the one eldest child.  She'll call the night before and tell us she can't get off work, even though she's been notified months in advance.

So, DH has sent the cerf letter, as outlined in the CO, when there are issues of disagreement and she won't get it.  When he tries to talk to her on the phone, she gets beligerent and denigrating with the children present.

We want to file for custodial placement and contempt of court - on these issues and others.  

Any thoughts, suggestions?  WE are in WV.

[ocean]

Do you have in court ordered to pay half of activities/health? If you do, then send her the receipts certified but not signature. The post office will send you the card stating they delivered. If she does not pay in the alloted time, then take her to court for contempt.

If you do not have it in your degree, the next time you go for child support bring it up and get it ordered. In the meantime, I would pay for whatever you can afford. Keep track and if she ever asks for half of anything you will not owe her. If the kids need a backpack or want to do soccer, sign them up...bring them...They will remember who brought them to the dr and activities.

Be careful with trying for full placement unless you have enough evidence. Once a judge sees you do not speak to each other, one of you will get the every other weekend visitation...and it is usually the father...
Keep up doing the extras and document all you do with the dr's and schools.

Good luck!

[tikkim]

yes, there's a co - it use to be 85/15 but now its 70/30 (us being 70%).  She won't pay anything - so we ask her if we'll pay half of an extracurricular activity, will she pay half (we just want the kids to get to do stuff like soccer).  She says she'll pay 1/2 but then doesn't.  

A good example is from last year before she started working.  DH and I both work so I told her if she'd take the kids to get their school stuff/backpacks, I'd pay half (I hate shopping, and she had the time).  I know CS is for this (we pay her 500.00 /mo) but she was really struggling financially and I didn't want to shop!
She agreed readily but then took off to the water park and spent the money there.

Our state is shared custody so Dh has never had EOW - he's always had equal time from the divorce on.

[MixedBag]

I've run into similar problems over the years.

Jurisdiction for me is WV too.

Since DH's court order says certified, then ALWAYS do certified due to the order.

IN ADDITION, since she won't pick it up, send the same letter "Priority Confirmed Delivery" because there is no action required by the receiving person.  Then print off the confirmed receipt off the internet.

My EX won't talk to me on the phone because there is no trust and he says "you just lie"

My EX won't send e-mails because he thinks I can alter them.

So we send letters....and yes, if I don't send it priority confirmed he pretends he never got it.

As for the letters.....here's where I really think he's shot himself in the foot.  He won't sign any of his letters so that I don't get a copy of his signature......and scan it into a computer and "sign" other stuff on his behalf.  

But if he is worried about me "altering" an e-mail, it's much easier to come up with an unsigned letter.....

It boils down to games -- and he wants to play them instead of coparenting like he should.

Yes, many parents have this problem -- not only you.  In fact, my EX and Camilla are probably printing this off even before you get a chance to read it.

Use priority confirmed delivery in addition to certified.  And save yourself a few pennies by doing it on-line

[klehman]

Go along with mixed bag on this.  My DH's ex stopped picking up the cert mail, too.  I don't use the Priority delivery Confirmation, although I should.  I've relied until now on the Certificate of Mailing -- original certified, copy I can prove was mailed, but not received.  I figure eventually she's not going to be able to persuade anyone that she really didn't 'receive' them all...

Also, you should be able to file the modification through the Child Support office for unreimbursed expenses.  I can't speak for WV, but in PA, it's a $ 20.00 fee to file, and they garnish the wages...

[gemini3]

I just hang on to any correspondence and send it with the child support check.  :-)  She closed her case with the enforcement office because she prefers to harrass me every month, so I use it to my advantage and put all the stuff I want her to sign for in with the support check.  If she wants the check she'll have to sign for everything else too.

[ohu812]

I went through this during the first few years after divorcing husband. DH has still never paid one dime over child support (hasnt been faithful with support either). I decided that I would pay for whatever my boys want or need and will never ask or depend on DH. It actually works out great. I dont have to listen to lame excuses,poor me stories, and there is nothing for us to fight about.I also went through the certified letter game. For two years I sent cert. letters (medical bills,school functions,doctor appts,insurance papers,etc). He picked up the first letter and mailed mine back to me by certified mail then he never picked up another one. After about two years of this he decided I was in contempt and filed. When we went to court he was liable for every dime of medical bills and premiums (over 5,000.00) even though he didnt pick them up. Your orders dont state ex has to pick them up just that you have to send them. The judge also added interest,increased child support,put restrictions on visitation, gave him 30 days in jail, and cited him on four contempts and of course the contempt against me was unfounded. Basically just do on your part what your orders state and realize you cant control the other parent. I also always remember that family law judges have seen 100 people before your ex that have tried the same crap (trying to get out of being a parent) and they get tired of it and know the game better than the ex does.