I was ambushed yesterday in Westmoreland County, PA

[wlr107]

My wife and I are seperated as of July. She is in PA and I accepted a teaching position in SC, where we both agreed I should go to get loans paid off.

She asked me what I wanted in the custody, and I said I wanted to be fair, joint legal and joint physical custody - 1 month with her, one month with me. (The girls are 2,4-not in school).

She got an attorney last friday, I don't have cash for one, with giving her all my extra cash to help her and the girls.

Well, in our initial conference, her attorney produced two letters from two of my wife's friends...both were total lies.

And just so I can't have the girls with me.

Anyone know of an attorney in PA that will take payments, as I need one, and can afford 100.00 a month.

wlr107

[Ref]

First of all, you have to consider your legal expenses as THE most important investment in your and your children's future. Forget college and retirement. This is more important. For one, once an order is set, it is very hard to change. This means, if you go cheap and have a bad agreement you are stuck with it for the next 16+ years. On the other hand, of you treat this like the investment it is and beg borrow and steal, you will have a better chance of getting the best for you and your family for the next 16 years.

You are going to want to deal with a family law attorney, someone who specializes in Fathers' Rights is best. Many will take credit cards, so you can use that as payment and to limit the expense to $100/month.

Also, do not give anymore cash. Not a dime unless you want it considered a gift. You might still be responsible to pay retroactive childsupport, eventhough you have been giving her money anyway. I think the best thing right now is to do a quick calculation of what you will have to pay and put it in a seperate savings account until a court order is done.

When you do get a parenting plan, get everything spelled out. Dates, times, pickup points. Who has rights to school and medical records. Phone visitation. Get an attorney and then come back here if you need help refining things.

I did a quick look-up for attorneys in the area you discribed and these guys might be worth looking into. Remember, don't think of it as additional debt, but an investment in your future or even "don't get screwed" insurance.

Good luck
Ref

http://www.sweeneyfamilylaw.com/PracticeAreas/Fathers-Rights.asp

[John-J-Jay]

Ref,

simple question you state in your post once a order is set it is very hard to change. are you referring to a temporary order or a order that's been established?
with temporary orders what do you have to show to change the order as compared to a order that's been established for quite sometime?


Wlr107
do you have temporary orders in place since you have been separated or was there a written agreement between the two? the reason I ask is because if you have established some sort of pattern it should hold some significance with the courts. What I'm saying is if you have had the children with this type of visitation pattern she might have to prove something has changed in order to stop the current schedule.

[John-J-Jay]

Ref,

simple question you state in your post once a order is set it is very hard to change. are you referring to a temporary order or a order that's been established?
with temporary orders what do you have to show to change the order as compared to a order that's been established for quite sometime?


Wlr107
do you have temporary orders in place since you have been separated or was there a written agreement between the two? the reason I ask is because if you have established some sort of pattern it should hold some significance with the courts. What I'm saying is if you have had the children with this type of visitation pattern she might have to prove something has changed in order to stop the current schedule.

[Ref]

In my experiance, final divorce orders are very difficult to change but temporary ones are difficult too. The problem is that once the status quo is established (kids have settled into the home and start going to school etc), judges don't like to change it, unless there is MAJOR MAJOR provable problems.

As far as what it takes to change an order, I think that is best asked of a lawyer that knows the judge in your case. For perm. orders, you need to estabish a significant change in circumstances.  This means that something MAJOR has to have changed since the last agreement. If you have something you think might be significant, ask on this board and I am sure someone has an educated guess on if it would pass the test.

Good Luck
Ref

[John-J-Jay]

Ref,
the only thing i have is my 2nd marriage didn't work. That being said i have a couple of charge offs on a couple of credit cards because i had to re-establish myself financailly. I make over $70K a year so have enough income but i hit hard times when my 2nd left us. 2nd marriages are tough!!!!

The only thing i can think of is my 2nd wife will try to team up with the 1st and make false allegations. However, if she did it would be he said he said sorta of thing. The only reason my 2nd ex would do this is to try to get me to loose custody of my child i've had all her life (11 yrs). But we never had family violence. just normal arguments. So if she claims that were's the police reports, medical reports etc? there isn't any because it never happened......

positives~
almost 11 years of status quo.
child doing great in school.
i've paid 100% of my child's living without having support from ex.
ex left when child was 1.
ex moved 850 miles away etc.....

[brwneyedmom]

stating that I had hit my child so hard that he required emergency medical care and sutures.  I kept my cool, and simply asked him to reproduce the medical reports in court.  I stated that there weren't any reports because there wasn't any abuse.  He completely backed off and then accused me of watching over our child TOO closely.  

[wlr107]

>Ref,
>
>simple question you state in your post once a order is set it
>is very hard to change. are you referring to a temporary order
>or a order that's been established?
>with temporary orders what do you have to show to change the
>order as compared to a order that's been established for quite
>sometime?
>
>
>Wlr107
>do you have temporary orders in place since you have been
>separated or was there a written agreement between the two?
>the reason I ask is because if you have established some sort
>of pattern it should hold some significance with the courts.
>What I'm saying is if you have had the children with this type
>of visitation pattern she might have to prove something has
>changed in order to stop the current schedule.
******We had no schedule at all. I was allowed to see the girls over Labor day weekend, have 2 calls, then it all stopped. I have my court order now, here is what s going on now: See the post:
Wife not following Court Ordered PHone call schedule...."

She is now ignoring the schedule...and I just want to see my girls. If you would like to see ampyfying nfo on what has happened since the order came down. e-mail me. wlr107  @  yahoo.  com

[Ref]

I wish I could say that DH hadn't had similar experiences. My advice is to get everything documented. When you go to pick up your kids at the time allowed by your schedule, bring the parenting agreement with you and a witness. Even a movie camera held out in the open would be something.  All communication should be in writing to the extent possible. I brought the program, Readnotify.com. It is the best invention EVER!. BM refused all communication unless it was verbal or sent through non-trackable USPS. She lied so much that the judge thought it would be best if DH and BM communicate through email. That pissed off BM because she refused DH's multiple requests to communicate that way. Anyway, this program lets you know if and when an email was opened and if it was forwarded. It lets you know (but not that accurate) where the email was picked up and how long it was read. DH uses the hidecert.certified.com feature. This allows him to attach a tracking code on the email he sends without the recipient knowing and her gets a certificate email stating that it was sent out. This way he cen show in court (and did VERY successfully) that BM received communication she denied getting. Sending letters certified is another method.

Phone visitation is another thing. Keep a dayplanner next to the phone and keep track of all the times you called and the outcome, in as much detail as possible. Every couple of missed calls (every 10 days or so might be good) I think you should send a cerified letter to BM stating that you had called on the dates specified and at the time specified and did not get to speak to the kids because they weren't made available. Tell her that you expect her to follow the court order and that if there is any issues with her making the time that you expect to hear from her. If is continues you will have little choice but to go through court again but you hope it wont come to that. Put in there that you miss your kids and you just want what is best for them. Keep it as professional as possible. Remember, anything you put in writing is meant for 3 people to read, your ex, the judge and your kids. So make sure to use the apporiate tone.

Good luck and I am sorry about your situation.

ref