Maintaining a Relationship With Kids

[frzrclan]

Thank you for all of the replies and I am glad to have sparked some debate on this topic. T

he Constitution quarantees "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" (I am sorry that I don't know the exact number of which amendment this is). Although, I doubt that any parent has sued on this topic yet, the destruction of the parent child relationship with a very good reason directly controdicts these principles. As such, I believe that most Constitutional rights lawyers would say that, as long as I am up on my child support payments (as I am) and when I ask for only enough time with my kids as needed to maintain some kind of parent child relationship, the Court's denial of that time violates this constitutional right.

Yes, I do live a long distance from my kids. This is why I asked for at least 8 weeks in the summer and I recieved only 5. Because of this distance and with the help of the psychologists, I now see my kids for 2 2.5 week blocks in the summer.

Rather than being "confused" I feel that I understand perfectly well how the system works. It has been made corrupted and dysfunctional by the "Dead-Beat Dad" label and the "child support industry" and, as such, is often destructive to the parent-child relationship.

At this time, I am still caught in the court system while struggling to maintain a relationship with my kids. My question was mostly to seek advice on how to to do this amidst all the anger and frustration created by this system and not being able to see them but a few weeks each year. You can only get so much done over the phone.

Thanks again for the advice and debate.

[mistoffolees]

>The Constitution quarantees "life, liberty and the pursuit of
>happiness" (I am sorry that I don't know the exact number of
>which amendment this is). Although, I doubt that any parent
>has sued on this topic yet, the destruction of the parent
>child relationship with a very good reason directly
>controdicts these principles.

Good luck pursuing that one. I guarantee you'll lose.

The Constitution gives you the right to pursue happiness - it doesn't guarantee everything you need to make you happy. Otherwise, you could interpret that clause as guaranteeing a good job, a nice home, and a trophy wife. It makes just as much sense to expect that as it does to expect the government to guarantee your time with your kids.

[mistoffolees]

>Mist "let's start argument" olese said
>  Most people find that the system works quite well for them.
>Granted, in a board like this, you're going to have a larger
>percentage of people with problems, but most of the people in
>the system are satisfied with it (evidence provided in a
>lengthy earlier thread).
>
>That's a bold face lie.  An ad-hoc statistical 'make work'
>government report is not EVIDENCE.  The complexity of a broke
>system is the reason this board exist.  Your theories are very
>much a tainted minority view of reality.    

Sorry, but I provided evidence. The fact that you don't agree with it isn't refutation.

You've had plenty of chances to prove that the system fails in the majority of cases - yet you've never provided anything.

Your assertion that the system is broken is not evidence.

[olanna]

So much information out there....

Here is a good example of how the system does NOT work...from a family court judge.

http://books.google.com/books?id=dRY1-7WFlTwC&pg=PA136&lpg=PA136&dq=family+court+judge+l+mendel+rivers+jr&source=web&ots=TuyRtJbYg0&sig=6cO6dVgGdvZxz-4i1DIU5aZx-v8

http://www.accelant.com/index.php?article_id=114875&page=article

[Davy]

It is NOT evidence just because YOU say it is evidence. Just who do you think you are to to demand evidence be produced for your inspection (unless you want to start paying me huge dollars) as if you are the Sparc God or Godess.   You're very much far from that. And anyway, true to form, you will try to manipulate every word of every post.  

[olanna]

" does to expect the government to guarantee your time with your kids"

If there were money in it, you best believe they would be involved in making sure it happened..

[Ref]

in your parenting agreement, there are ways to make sure you have more face time with your kids.

Is there language in your agreement about you going to school events? Do you have joint legal custody?

Try starting a webpage (facebook, myspace, or livejournal would work) Chances are, your kids, depending on age, have one of those anyway. Put pictures of what you are doing, people on your side of the family and notes to them letting them know you love them.

DH and I have been through a zillion loops with the long distance thing. Everything you do can be countered by your ex, if she is bitter, so you will have to change tactics.

Are you in driving or flying distance? You can send them pictures of things that you think they find interesting near your home. (DH and I ran around the county taking pictures of Mule sculptures that SD liked). You can get them a magazine subscription so that every month they think of you.

Anyway, there are a million creative ways to get to spend time, even if it isn't face-to-face. Good luck with everything.

Ref

[DaddyMax]

Be grateful.  At least you get to speak to your daughter.  My children have been trained to say how much they hate me, I am not their father, and they never want to see me again.  I would give anything to know, from my children,  how they are doing.
This will make the second christmas I have been completely without my children.

[mistoffolees]

And, yet, I provided published research studies to support my position and you haven't provided anything but a few anecdotes.

Go figure.

[frzrclan]

That's for sure. They already have all my money. Its partly that I can't afford the travel that X-Mas and spring break are out. What is amazing is that I still have a fairly strong relationship with my kids. Perhaps its even better than some fathers who are around their kids all the time.