i miss my kids.

[bblindell]

My situation is a legal nightmare and I don't know what to do.
My ex has been difficult to say the least for the past 7 years, often keeping my kids away for weeks at a time.  This usually only happened when I was dating but when I was single, I saw the kids no problem.  3 years ago I met somone and we married.  Needless to say, I haven't had a relationship with my kids since.  I was behind in C/S but caught it all up and took my ex to court.  The judge said the estrangement was my fault and ordered that I spend 6 months "rebuilding" a relationship with my 10 and 14 year old.  At first I was hurt but did exactly as the judge said.  My ex still made it hell.  She said the kids didn't want to see me and even had them say this to the judge!!  After completing 6 months of one day a month visits, where I drove 4 hours one way, we went back to court.  The judge ordered my ex to resume normal visitation.  The VERY NEXT NIGHT I was supposed to meet my ex to get the kids and she wouldn't let them come.  Again, we went back to court.  The judge said that I would have do another 6 months of rebuilding.  I don't have a signed order (other than one from 2002) and the kids are terrified to say they want to see me if their mom is anywhere around.  The wierdest part is that in Oct. she brought them to me for 5 days and didn't call them or provide ANY clothing for them.  She says they are uncomfortable around me.  The judge ordered my C/S payments be made to a guardian ad litem for the next 6 months, but I don't think what is going on is legal.  My lawyer is crappy but I don't have the money to keep paying her.... she said that she was done after the last hearing anyway.  How stupid is it going to be to represent myself?  How long does a judge have before an order must be signed?  Is a judge's order from the bench considered binding or is it only legal when it has been signed?
Thanks for reading this entire thing. I am desparate to be involved with my kids.

[Ref]

I am so sorry for your situation and for the mess this board is right now.

From the heartbreaking story that you have told, I really don't think representing yourself is a good idea. Because of all the emotion that you have (and should have) it will be difficult for you to play the role as a logical lawyer. Now, I don't know you personally, so I may be wrong, but I understand the pain you are in and in my own heart know that it would be difficult to remain calm cool and collected as a lawyer would.

Anyway, you need to read up on PAS and HAP. Parental Alienation Syndrome and Hostile Aggressive Parenting. It sounds like you have been steeped in this for years. This may be a good way to try to understand what you are going though and what other people have done to mitigate the situation.

In my own experience, there are tricks you can do to help your relationship with the kids, but it is  next to impossible to have a "normal" relationship with them if a controlling CP doesn't want it.

Do you have joint legal custody or does she have sole? If you have joint legal, there a plenty more options to you.

Have you tried writing letters, email, calling them often? How about setting up a webpage, like myspace or facebook, that has all family info on it for them, pictures of your times together and other things you have been up to. You can use this page as a place to "write" them letters they can view whenever.

First of all, being uncomfortable around you should be no basis to keep the kids from you. As a matter of fact, they should see you more so that they could get a more comfortable relationship with you. That is the world of "shoulds" though, not real life. Your ex sounds like she wants any excuse to be the kids only real parent.

Keep posting on this page. Besides the occational childish bickering that goes on (the reason why your post got bumped down...), there are many very helpful people here that are dedicated to helping out people just like you.

Best wishes,
Ref

[bblindell]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post.  Unfortunately, my ex has sole custody.  I am not going to give up and will for sure implement your suggestions.