FED UP & SCARED

[tony022407]

I have tried with all my power to keep my relationship with my ex g/f as civil and amicable as possible... We split up 2 yrs ago due to her being caught cheating while my daughter was at home. She took me to court July 2007 for court ordered child support; i had no problem with this b/c I was already voluntarily paying her weekly. I was married in Feb. 2007 not long after which time my visitation with my daughter increased and was on a regular basis... I had her every weekend and 5 consecutive weedays (my 7day break from work) my wife is a stay at home mom and I offered daycare to my ex based on my wife being home all the time and my being off during the week on regular basis ( i work swing shifts) this was refused. She has now ruled me into court for an increase in child support, visitation to be cut to every other weekend, request for daycare to be included in my child support. I have no problem taking care of my daughter she is the light of my life (she is 3 btw) I want to seek full custody not b/c i have it out for my ex but b/c my ex continues to use her as a pawn to get at me and this is just not stable for my daughter. There are so many reasons why I just feel that it best for my daughter to be with me. What are the chances this can be accomplished? She has numerous times told me I am not keeping my daughter over night b/c I am keep talking about joint custody or she is afraid that i will not return her (something I have never threatened)
I am so scared that I will not see my daughter b/c I am not playing by her rules... what do i do?

[babyfat]

See if you can get a mediator or what ever it is called in your state to sit down with the both of you to make arangements that best fit the situation and are most productive for the child. Maybe she just needs some third party who is uninvolved to sit down with her and explain. I don't think what you set up was unreasonable. If your home and the child needs a sitter well that is kind of a no brainer to me. Why pay a stranger to care for a child when the other parent is willing to do so? I do know some parents who opted to send a young child to day care for the purpose of the child learning to socialize with other children, which I can see, but it doesn't seem to be what she is arguing.

[Kitty C.]

That is your key right now.  Your ex has buried herself by allowing generous parenting time, which it sounds like has been in effect for quite a few months.  If she really wants to take you to court to reduce that, make D*** sure she 'proves' why it should be reduced.....ie. proof that you've abused your DD or something equally reprehensible that would necessitate reducing it.  You want to 'maintain the status quo', meaning things have been going well with the present schedule and there's no reason to disrupt your DD's life by changing it.

As for the increase on CS, make sure that you have all her financial info to crunch the numbers.  With daycare, you can counter in court of your availability (and your wife) for daycare (I hate calling it that when it's your own child!) and impress upon the court that being with a parent is preferable to spending money on daycare, when that money could be better spent on the child, like a college acct. for example.  When she's old enough for pre-school, that's a different matter and then it must be calculated that you and your ex EQUALLY contribute to the cost.

Above all else, make sure you get an atty. that will fight for you and your daughter.  Nothing else will matter unless you have that first.  And keep coming back here.........there are many people who have been to he!! and back (and lived to tell about it) who can give you plenty of advice and suggestions, and there are many articles available as well.  Good luck!