Frustrated.

[FatherTime]

Hi,

Nothing really to say.

I just feel sad and depressed.  This crap isn't easy.  I'm getting tired of it all.  I try and try and nothing seems to matter.  The court doesn't want to deal with what they see as old news.  

I had court today.  It was the same old railroad.

I've never been able to get the truth out.  

I just want to let the people who come to this site that it's hard on all of us here.  

I don't know what to do.

[sweetnsad]

Try not to let it get to you...I know it's hard, but someday, somehow, it will all come out...

Take care..relax...deep breaths...now smile!  We are all here for you...:-)

[nosonew]

Fathertime, I'm sorry things aren't going well.  I feel your frustration.  I do have one suggestion, it worked for us.  

The judge got tired of seeing us in his courtroom every other month and send us to a mediator/court ordered judge-jury-executioner.  We are court ordered to go to her for all problems until ss reaches the age of 18.  During our 5 years with her, she has learned all there is to know and has been lied to (face to face) by the bm.  BM even admits she lies, stating she does it for "her own well-being and for the best interest of the child".  However, the mediator as I call her, sees right thru the bm, and put a stop to bm's harassment, bm's violation of court orders, bm telling ss bad things about us (she talks to ss alone), and upon ss request he live with his father, we went to 50/50 then finally full custody.  It is very hard in a court to express and prove everything that is going on as well as the damage it does to you and the kids.  With someone you meet with one-on-one, with any little problem, they get to know everything and can make correct determinations on correcting the situation.  

It is in our court order that if we disagree with a decision made by her (if bm and dh can't agree, the mediator makes the final decision) then it can be taken in front of the judge, however, he has stated in writing he will go with the mediators recommendations 100% of the time.  Thus, we have NEVER been to court again since she was initiated.  

This is just a suggestion and if it can work in our case, it can work for anyone.  (And yes, initially it was expensive, 150/hr, but over time, we only see her 1-4 times per year now and if both parents are present it is split 50/50 on cost).  Thus, instead of paying an atty 1,000/mo like we had been for 5 years, we pay her about 500.00-700 per YEAR!  Works great.  I highly suggest it.  SS is now 14, so we have mediator for 4 more years, which I think is great...if we hadn't had her, ss wouldn't be living here now.

[MYSONSDAD]

I can not remember the last time I had a good day.

Sad and depressed is a way of life. The system SUCKS.

Keep one thing in mind. All of us here know exactly what your going thru. We each take our turns on the CRAP the courts dish out. This is the only place I can find any comfort. We all care and are willing to be there for each other. Hang in there. Your not alone.

My friends who have no idea what this is like, they try to help, but until your in the middle of this hell, you just don't know.

Only stress relief I have, is my Parenting time. My son is the ultimate stress reliever.

NOSONEW, That is a wonderful suggestion. Something that would make a difference and be better for all involved.

[Peanutsdad]

Hang in there FT. We KNOW how it gets. You do know what to do,, keep on keepin on. It's all any of us have.

We are the ones pioneering change. It is the fights we parents fight now that will change life for our children, so that hopefully, these long expensive custody fights become a thing of the past.

[joni]

.

[kiddosmom]

Hitting that brick wall does get tiring after awhile. Keep faith in yourself. We all care about you and your situation.

[hisliltulip]

FT, let me tell you a story...

I knew a man who had three beautiful children.  Two boys and one girl.

He and his wife split up when the kids were 5, 3, and 18 months.

The man saw his children every other weekend, and sent child support every month for 18 months.

One weekend, he went to pick up his kids, and the house was empty.  The BM had disappeared...

He learned from others that she had moved "somewhere in California".

For two years, he heard not a word, then the state of California came after him for CS because BM had applied for welfare...

Soon after his new wife set up for the children to come see him for a week.  The oldest boy (by that time 8) did not like his Step-Father or Mother and didn't want to go back (the kids were getting abused).

The BM said fine, that new guy was more important than her son.

KNOWING that the children were being abused, Dad still let BM take younger son and daughter back to California.

He saw his kids once 5 years later, when BM was back in state to see relatives and she called to see if he wanted to see them.

His younger son moved back to state when 17, daughter moved back to state Dad when she graduated highschool.

You know what?  This man gave up before even trying.  The kids would ask him repeatedly, "Why didn't you get us away from Mom and Step-Dad?"

There is a lot of bitterness from these kids.

They understand that Dad may have lost, but they to this day can not understand why he didn't even TRY...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Your trying, you're giving it your best shot.  No matter the outcome, the kids will understand this when they get older (if they don't already).

Family Court is a heck of a battle field.  But atleast you are standing up and fighting for your children's rights!


Keep your chin up.  We know what you are going through!

BETH

[Indigo Mom]

-----I don't know what to do.-----

First, you can begin by forgiving yourself.  Then, begin to love the wonderful man that is you.  

You're in the middle of Hell, a Hell your ex has made for you.  You're concerned about your child, or children, and their well being...as you should be.  You're worried about their life or lives, but forgetting about yours.

You have the right to your children...but also the right to love yourself, the right to take care of yourself.  Good things happen when you can honestly say "I love me" and "I will take care of me".  Without self love, you're unable to handle the stress your ex is causing, the courts are causing.

Love yourself.  Take time outs...take lots of them.  In those time outs, just love you.  Bring your "inner self" out of this funk, and then begin to fight...when you're down and out in this Hell, you can't possibly take on what you're trying to.  

I have the worst time expressing myself...I do hope you "get" what I want you to get.  Remember, you're on a site where people don't just "offer" hugs and prayers, they truly give them and there's no love like the love from people who are where you are.  

((((((((((FatherTime))))))))))

[StPaulieGirl]

Well, try and get out to the country and just take a good long walk. Bring some food, and maybe a camera.  I know you think this is superficial sounding, but  you're pretty discouraged (as you should be) and you need a healthy break.  Oh wait, disregard this if you live back east...we wouldn't want you to freeze to death :-(

I don't know your story, or what you're up against, but my thoughts are with you.  Don't give up, just take a step back for now.  Take care...