Single dad looking for advice

[gemini3]

There is a right and a wrong way to go about handling these situations.  If you have a documented agreement that you will have the children on x day and x time, and you are refused when you go pick them up - then the RIGHT way to deal with this is to document it with a 3rd party witness, preferably a police report.

The WRONG way is to force yourself into someone's house and take your child.  That is called trespassing.  And, if he doesn't have anything in writing proving that the date and time were agreed upon by the mother, it could also be considered kidnapping.

You're entitled to your opinion, of course.  I just think it's wrong, and that you are giving this guy advice that could land him in jail.

Staying overnight with someone doesn't do anything to prove that people can or can't get along.  

He also couldn't sue his lawyer for malpractice if he stayed the night with his girlfriend, something bad happened, and his lawyer hadn't advised him against it.  This is not opinion, it's fact.  So, I think his attorney might actually be trying to protect his client instead of himseldf, as you are suggesting.

[jzurinsky]

Actually it wasn't rashly...once I started putting my sons snowsuit on his grandmother helped me finish. And then I left. She then came to the car and said they are not wanting to prevent me to see my son but in actuality they just want to control.

[jzurinsky]

Greatly appreciate another point. Just what I was thinking. The overnight thing isn't going to happen. Especially at her parents home. Thank you

[jzurinsky]

First, and foremost, I didn't force my way in....she let me in when she was on the telephone with my X.

Second, there is no written agreement because my X refuses to sit down and make arrangements as the judge suggested. And if my X and myself can't agree then the judge said the courts will do it for us. I want to make arrangements....I think my X is just angry because she really didn't understand what was going on and didn't think I was able to actually take our son without her. Her mother told me she didn't understand when I spoke to her later after court to try to set up something. I just have to wait for her to cool down a little.

Third, the police will not make out a report just because she wouldn't give me my son....'they don't deal with custody issues'. They said I would have to charge her with contempt.


I spoke with my X today and she seems to be a little more receptive so we are going to try to discuss things on Sunday. She just gets soooooo frustrated when she doesn't get her way its hard to keep her calm. Wish me luck!

[gemini3]

From your post, which said "I left and went to the car and then decided she doesn't have that right so I went in the house and took him." it sounded like you went in against the grandmothers wishes and 'took' your son.

It's not uncommon for police to be unwilling to come and write a report.  You need to be clear that you just want to document that you were there to pick up your son and he was not turned over.  If they won't, ask someone else to document for you.  The more neutral the better.

Maybe you could enlist the help of a counselor or certified mediator to help you and your ex work out a visitation arrangement?

Good luck.

[jzurinsky]

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I am just getting disappointed. First my X tells me she doesn't want to keep me from taking him but then she is creating all this conflict. Up until Tuesday we were even trying to work things out but it was only on her terms. I was willing to compromise and still am but she is making it very difficult.

How do I go about getting a mediator? My mother was with me on the first day but a neutral party would probably be better. Not that my mom causes any problems but I know in my X's eyes it does.

So if anyone can make suggestions on how I would go about this I would greatly appreciate it. I just don't want any more fighting and arguing especially with my son there.

And also I have signed up for parenting classes. The judge suggested it for both of us but my X won't go. I want to learn all I can to raise my son in a healthy safe environment. I do have a lot of help from family but I think this is a good idea.

Thanks

[wendl]

Great go to that parenting class ALSO take an infant CPR class. It will not look good mom not willing to take parenting class.

My husband ALWAYS took a friend to pick up and drop offs, he still does and we live in another state, my husband meets a friend and then they go pick up the kids OR he has a family member pick up the kids for him since we live in another state.  This works out well for us.

When talking with mom, be clear that yes we have our problems, but they have NOTHING to do with the child.  That the two of you need to work equally together to raise this child.  Try to keep her focused on the child and not what happened or did not happen between you two.

As for mediators, call the clerk of the court, they usually have number of mediators that you two could call to go to, that way you can sit withanother person who does not have a emotional interest in the case help you two.

It is a frustrating cycle, keep your head up and focused.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[jzurinsky]

A little update and a few questions. So my X and I are coming to an understanding. It was very hard for her at first but now she is realizing she doesn't have a choice with regards to me having time away with my son. But now she is wanting more from me. She is wanting more of a relationship than just parents to our son. She has been coming to my house to spend time with me. Which is nice because I get to spend more time with my son. And my atty suggested this also if I could get her to cooperate. People have been telling me to watch out because they think she is just doing this so she won't have to spend any nights away from him. She keeps hinting she wants to move back in but I am not willing to do that just yet. We have a lot to work out. But I am not sure how the FOC and the judge will view this. Maybe as extra time (establish status quo) or me needing her there. I am also not sure what to expect with the Friend of the Court. What are they gonna want from me? Are they just there to see what I am capable of? Do my wishes come into play? What should I expect? Do I have to prove anything? Please help!

[gemini3]

It sounds to me like you and your ex can't decide if you want to be together or not.   I would assume that the courts would feel the same way.  You need to figure out what you want to do before you ask the court to get involved.  They don't like it when you waste everyone's time.  If you go through all of this and then end up back together in the end you've done exactly that.  I don't think that this will help you at all.  I think that it will hurt you, and that they might get annoyed with all the back and forth.

I think your ex is using your child ot get her own emotional needs met.  Not a good situation, and you aren't helping matters by feeding into it.

This of course, is my opinion only.

[jzurinsky]

Right now all I want is to be civil and get along for our son's sake. She has been pushing but I am not agreeing. I want to spend more time with my son and establish a good bond with him. I don't even mind being friends with her. I have had a lot go on in my life the last year and I don't need any more drama. I plan on going through with the court and custody. Even if we got back together (it will be a very long time if it did happen) there is no guarantee she will not leave again. So I want my rights when it comes to my son on record. I have been on this roller coaster ride with her too many times and this is why we are not together. Deep down I know I still have feelings for her but she is the mother of my child and I can't forget that. And that is all. I just want the courts to realize that we can get along for our son. I am not a bad guy I just want my son to have two caring parents that can work together  to better his life. It is not his fault we couldn't work it out. Don't you think the FOC will see it as that? She is not spending the night (she wants to but not), we are not a couple more like trying to be friends and trying to be parents. We only see each other when I drop him off at her parents and then she was going to spend extra time at my place maybe twice a week after my visitation time.  I don't spend any time at her parents with them anymore since I have my own unsupervised visits now. My atty thought it would benefit me and my son.