New, confused and getting *beep*

[Angel15]

Hello.

I am new and recently going through a divorce.  I have no idea how the divorce process goes, so someone please help me through the process because it isn't going well.  I have tons of questions.

My Xwife spent so much money on my credit cards as an authorized user that it forced me to file BK.  Please save all the "you stupid idiot" comments, trust me, I know how dumb I was, but I 'blindly' trusted the woman, but the damage is done.

She moved out of the house, took our daughter with her and filed for divorce so she wouldn't have to pay.  She is asking for spousal support, child support, daycare costs and attorney fees.  Nice, huh?

The reason for the divorce is her creation of this debt, which I am forced to pay simply b/c "I" authorized her.  I have tried everything to get help on making HER responsible for HER doing b/c I too have my own bills to pay, plus I have all the marital home expenses to deal with and I have gotten no where.

We had our first hearing where the judge ordered that I pay her support, child support, and half of day care costs.  I don't know how the hell I'm going to cover my mortgage AND utilities now.  Is it right for her to drive around in a leased car and have a fully furnished apartment and claim she can't support herself and I have to?  No one asked her to leave.  She volunteered!

I don't know where to start asking questions, but is the judge's order final?  My attorney says it's temporary, but still.  I can't believe he rewarded this woman w/o even asking her one single question about the debt SHE created.  It was ALL her!  I don't mind the child support b/c I would never deny my daughter of anything, but to give HER money?  SHE should be paying ME for the expenses of the home which she also owns AND for the debt SHE created!!!!

Some of my friends say that 'everything' will come out during the divorce?  Is this so?  Would she be asked what she did with so much money?  She was working two jobs while charging EVERYTHING...even her nail salon... on MY cards!  So, what did she do with all this money?

We have to go to 'parenting mediation' now b/c I want custody of my daughter.  [Another post]  After learning what type of sociopath she is, I'm afraid she is unstable and my daughter is so thin now that I am taking her to the doctor to find out if she's anemic.  The minute my daughter was taken away from my care, she has gotten thinner and is very sad.  She's 5 yrs old and right now, I don't know who's taking care of her.  X was ordered by judge to enroll her in a day care, and she hasn't.  I don't know what to do.  I've never gone through this and don't know much of anything at this point.

Any feed back will be appreciated.  Thank you.

Angel

[pinktulip]

"SHE should be paying ME for the expenses of the home which she also owns AND for the debt SHE created!!!!"

You own the home jointly?

Perfect.  I hope you have equity?  

If so, sell the house, pay off the debts, split the profit equally, you said she worked 2 jobs?  Good, she's not entitled to alimony then if she's got a steady work history.  You'll pay child support and get a visitation schedule to see your daughter (unless you can prove she's an unfit mother or she agrees to give you full physical custody, I'm afraid I don't see how you would be awarded FPC).

[Angel15]

Sorry, no equity in the home, so that's out [bankruptcy court is more liek it].  I was already ordered to pay her alimony b/c two weeks after she filed for the divorce, she quit one job and took a disability leave from the other, so when we went in front of the judge, she was awarded CS and spousal support b/c she didn't make enough to make ends meet.

I don't make enough to make ends meet either, but the judge ordered that "I" pay anyway.  I was ordered to pay less than what she asked for, so I guess I should be 'grateful' huh?  What a system.

Anyway, my question is... [she was ordered to go back to work... she couldn't prove her disability, so she has to work now].  When it comes back that she makes more money than what she said she makes, would the spousal support decrease or be eliminated?

I won't lie on here... I don't care what my CS payment is, I'll give my DD anything...  but just the thought of giving this sociopath MY hard earned money as 'spousal suport' makes my blood boil.  

Another thing, what about my house?  Can I remove her name from it?  She's on the deed, but doesn't contribute a dime towards the bills of the house nor has she ever paid any of the mortgage.  I always took care of that.

Thanks for your reply...
Angel

[mo7818]

As much as this sucks now *trust me, if you think it sucks now just wait, it gets worse* it does all come out in the end. My friend, a girl, was stuck with the mortgage, utilites (while she let him live in the house rent and utilties free), racking up alot of the cell bill and on her fast pass account, fast forward almost a year and she got all her money back + some. He didn't help her pay for anything during the separation but she documented everything that was marital debt and he now owes her over $30,000 (which she will never see even though it is court ordered). It took over a year for her to get it and it ruined her credit but in the end he got what was coming to him.

Be very anal about your documentation and have back up (copies of bills) for EVERYTHING you are claiming. I know you have a lawyer but you still have to do everything yourself - make an excel spreadsheet of what is owed, what you have been paying in the martial debt. AND CANCEL ALL YOUR CREDIT CARDS with her name on them

Good luck - it is a bumpy road from here on out!!!

[Angel15]

Thank you.  I've canceled some accounts and others have been canceled for me.  I'm looking at bankruptcy b/c I cannot pay the bills.  I've paid thousands already, but honestly, I just can't keep up any more.  Now, I have to pay her support and child support, so there goes another grand out of my paycheck, so even if I want to, I can't pay.

I do document and have all my receipts, so do you think this will all come out in the divorce proceeding?  I don't know jack about the way this flows, so any help will be appreciated.

Does the divorce proceeding work like a trial?  Where evidence comes out and stuff and different points are brought to the table?

I'm trying to research as much as I can, but it's hard to know what to do when there's no "Divorce for Dummies" book... or maybe there is.

Angel

[Haleys Dad]

Document everything you do in a daily journal/notebook. Save every receipt, every check you write, everything that deals with daily life.
When you go to court, your attorney should insure that it is recorded that your wife owes you half of all customary expenses (House note, house insurance, vehicle note, vehicle insurance, half of all utilities, etc.) If you are in a "Community Property" state, then she legally owns half and IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HALF !!!
At my first hearing, my attorney also had the court record that my wife (who has temporary custody and use of the home) will PAY ME fair rental value for the use of the home, from the time I filed until she moves out !! Poor girl isn't smart enough to realize how much she is going to owe me !

My chance at custody is good also, as she is now pregnant from her adulterous affair and has insufficient means to care for 5 children (only one is mine).

[rhutche106]

there actually is a "divorce for dummies" book. I saw it the other day but I didn't look at it. Divorce does work like a trial where evidence is put on the table - but that's your job to gather and maintain the evidence.  Your atty can only do so much.

fight for at least 50/50 placement custody in your final decree- don't just settle for joint legal custody because that means absolutely nothing. And if you agree to it just to get through everything it's next to impossible to reverse it unless you can prove abuse of some kind.  

My understanding on the spousal thing is that after the divorce is final, it's impossible to get it changed - however, nows the time to get your facts in order so that at trial, all your evidence will show what's marital debt.  Like you said you can't undo the past, but marital debt is usually split 50/50 (even if she created most of it) unless you're really lucky!!!!

[marko6262]

Hi, it sounds like your in about the same boat I am in and have no where to turn. I have been surfing the net to try and find help but it really does not exist. There is some legistration ongoing to put an end to all of this misery but that will not help us. My daughter is 6 and will be 7 in August so she is feeling the same way yours is. My soon to be exwife took things a step farther to ensure her full custody of our child. After our first hearing the judge ordered liberal visitation for me with her having full custody. The first weekend I spent with my little girl was wone of the best times in my life and her's too. She had a blast and cried all the way home when she had to leave. I promised her that we would be back together soon which turned out to be a lie. Four days after I dropped her off the police knocked on my door and arrested me for a lewd act with a minor. The only investigation that was done was by a female cop that took a statement from my ex-wife and asked my daughter some very direct questions. I had a women in my place with me during the entire visit but they never asked anything. I spent 27 hours in jail and at my bond hearing I was released on $15,000 bail and ordered to have no contact with my daughter and was plced on house arrest. That was the 7th of March and I am still waiting for the Solicitors office to make a decision even though child services turned in their report stating they found no merit in the charge against me. I was also ordered by the family court to pay 3/4 of my monthly income in support payments along with all insurance costs and any cost associated with the home my ex-wife is living in. My ex-wife has been diagnosed with depression and stopped taking her medication but no seems to care about that. I would say that misery loves company but I would not wish this living hell on anyone. If you are still able to spend time with your daughter guard yourself and cover your own but. I wish you the very best of luck and wanted to tell you to find someone to help support you emotionally through all of this.

[drew5111]

WOW ,I think we married the same woman!what is it with the system these days? accusations are all it takes for a woman to be heard and the courts jump to help them with their nasty planns to make us pay for them being unhappy.what about what we went through?or are going through?i was accused of the same thing by my wife 4 years ago. she was hooked on crystal meth and was in a abusive drug indused relationship with another man.the courts first gave her the control of everything and i could do nothing.it took an entire year to finally prove to the courts that she was unfit to be raising our daughters.in the end i won but did the stupidest thing in the world,i let her back in!i thought that she was better and the girls needed their mother to be part of their live.for the last three years she has been making up stories of abuse to her friends and had found and removed all papers supporting me in what happened in tx before.now because of circumstances the files from that case are sealed and i can not get a copy of them without going to court for them.they are in another state and i can't afford a lawyer to make the proper motionds to release the papers.she once again has run away with my girls and claims abuse once again,going to a womans shelter with them so she will get help and i will be at the courts mercy! COURTS MERCY!!!  WHAT A JOKE,YOU HAVE NO REPRESENTATION YOU HAVE NO CASE. SHE IS GETTING AWAY WITH LYING TO THE COURTS AND REMOVING OUR GIRLS FROM ME BEING ABLE TO SPEND ANY TIME WITH .they actually gave her an injunction based apon nothing other than lies and i could not do anything because DCF AND THE POLICE  have not finnished their reports yet so i had no proof of inocense.she stole all the money we had,mind you she don't work.and i have to pay her support also,and have yet to see my daughters in over a month.justice is not only blind but def also!maybe its just selective hearing?

[rlring22r]

Document, Document, Document everything!!! Hire the nastiest lawyer you can find that is very skilled in family law. Make sure your attorney files a counter suit saying you want custody, child support etc. I actually had a woman lawyer that was very good and nasty.  I had a x that was doing the same thing, charging everything and getting credit cards without my knowlege. Ran up thousands of dollars in charges before I caught on. Run a credit check on her to see what else is out there. Make sure your attorney makes her produce all documents in discovery. Ask for everything, all bank records, work history, medical records etc. Document all charges she put on the cards. I know it can seem like overload sometimes but hang in there. Have your attorney state in the decree that she cannot move the child out of the county you now reside. I got mine on that and took her back to court. The judge nailed her on it and had to pay my attorneys fees and I now have custody of my child. Has your x had any mental problems? Depression, drug use etc? Not treating your child right? Leaving her at different places? Not doing what the judge said? (big one) Document everything to do with your child. Where she goes with your x, how she is treated while at your x, does x have a boyfriend coming over etc. Go after her on that if you can. I live in Tx and they have started to come down on child custody a little harder the last couple of years and dads are having better luck in gaining custody now.  But be very careful, women with this mentality will do anything to get at you. Try to stay with relatives or friends while you have visitation so you have witnesses on how you treat your child. (until divorce is final)I know this sounds like over kill but you may need them if she turns postal on you and accuses you of not treating your child right. Again very important.. Make sure your lawyer is very versed in family law. Mine could actually reicite the laws to the judge per batum in court that my x had broken. That helped a lot.