PLEASE HELP

[abell82]

       I am reposting this in a different place b/c no one has answered me and I really need help! I just recently got married to a wonderful man and he has a daughter that is 4 and a half. He divorced his former wife because he caught her with another man. Because he is in the military and was going to be single- he didn't have a chance to get custody of his daughter.

       Since the divorce the mother has had numerous boyfriends, moved so many times that we almost have to ask her every time we talk to her if she is still at the same home. Her husband (we think she is married) just recently got out of jail for 3 counts of domestic violence and assualt in the first degree. And now this man is her babysitter everyday. My step-daughter tells us about this man breaking stuff in her room and hitting her mom- and her mom hitting him. One time they both were arrested for domestic violence.

        I could be here all day typing up everything that has gone on. We are worried not just because of the situation but she is also very behind on her learning! I think because no is paying enough attention to her to notice. It is very hard, as most fathers know, to get custody of their children! We are worried that we may spend every last dime we have- and get no where! Who else is in this situation and what advise do you have?!

We have an update! Just yesterday we received a letter from the husband's mother! She was letting us know that mom and Step daughter are not living we them anymore. The mother was screaming and cursing at the in-laws the day she left- in front of the step daughter! She told us that the mother has been lying about a lot of things and that she is very unstable! We have never met this lady who wrote the letter- but she stated that she knows the Step daughter would be better off with us!! Would the letter hold up in court?!

[Kent]

No, hte letter would not hold up in court. However, if you can track her down, she may be willing to testify on your behalf.

It would be great is she fears for SD's safety and reports them to CPS. even if CPS finds it to be unfounded, a report is a report...

Kent!

[determined]

The letter could be provided to a GAL or a FOC to get them to check and get a direct report.  Sometimes they don't follow through unless they are faced with something in writing.

[rhutche106]

Can you hold her in contempt for denying visitation or anything?  That's the fastest route.

Then if you get legal documentation of the arrests, the testimony of the lady who wrote your letter, and get a guardian ad litem, I would think you would have a decent chance.  Will definitely be expensive.....

[gemini3]

Sounds like you have a mess on your hands.  You may or may not have a chance to get custody, but the letter probably won't help you in court.

What do the custody/visitation orders say?  Is she in violation of any of the orders?  Who has custody, and what kind is it (joint, primary physical, etc.)?

Have you been keeping a log of all of the incidents that you're talking about?

When was the divorced finalized?  In order for there to be a change in custody there has to be a material change in circumstance - which means a significant change that affects the child's well being in a negative way.  If all these items were in play at the time of the divorce then there is no material change.

Has your husband exercised all of his visitation?  Does he spend time with his child on a consistent basis?  Is he involved in her care - ie: doctors appointments, etc?

All of these factors play a roll.  Please reply with more information.

[abell82]

What do the custody/visitation orders say? Is she in violation of any of the orders? Who has custody, and what kind is it (joint, primary physical, etc.)?

My husband has joint legal custody! Mom will not even tell him what daycare she is going to!

Have you been keeping a log of all of the incidents that you're talking about?

I have a binder that has everything about SD's situation!

When was the divorced finalized? In order for there to be a change in custody there has to be a material change in circumstance - which means a significant change that affects the child's well being in a negative way. If all these items were in play at the time of the divorce then there is no material change.

It was finalized in 2004. Things have already changed since I posted this the first time. She is now engaged to someone, while she is married, and living with this guy. Just yesterday my husband received a phone call from the fiance b/c he was concerned about what he was getting into. Again this is someone we have never met before. He told my husband that she is very aggressive and that just last week she was hitting him with her heeled shoes b/c he would not take her to a bar. He said that when she moves out of his house that he will call my husband back and tell him some things that have been happening (possible drug use).

Has your husband exercised all of his visitation? Does he spend time with his child on a consistent basis? Is he involved in her care - ie: doctors appointments, etc?

My husband sees my SD as much as he can. Again we live in Cali and she lives in Miss. She will not help us pay for airline ticket, even though its says that she is suppose to, so we have to wait to see her again. And as everyone know- airline tickets are ridiculous right now!