Birth of son, I am unmarried and hospital rights at delivery

[jshively]

Hi group....

Its been a long time since I visited this site. I have a situation that has gotten out of hand with my ex-fiance, who delivered our son (i am the father however paternity has not been acknowledged or testing yet).

I flew in 2000 miles to be at the delivery. I have been away for 4 months, and it is a long story but she had agreed I could see our son here while she is in the hospital.

I checked in to my hotel Saturday and went to birthing center of the hospital next door and confirmed that she was indeed having the c-section at 8am Monday morning (2 days ago) . I recieved a phone call from my ex-fiance the night before stating I could "visit" our son Jack at 2pm the following day.

In my haste the next morning... I went to the hospital at 8 .am and informed them I was there to see our son born, not necessarily the delivery just to see him, they mentioned they did not have her name there nor was she scheduled, they sent me to another hospital 20 miles away which i rushed to, I did not find her there, nor was she registered in any other hospital after nurses called ...

Long story short, I came back to my hotel and than went back at my scheduled 2pm visitation (by the way, it was next door actually the entire time). At the birthing station I was notified she had changed her mind and did not want me to see our son, nor did she want contact, and no, my name was not on the birth certificate. I was devastated, and her mother called me up shortly after and said i could not be trusted because i created a "ruckus" at the front desk. I have been calm and patient without any motive outside of being there for our son's birth, and there is much animosity now between parents (becuase i have been away) but i strongly feel intereference and control issues beginning now.

I am 40, no violence or anything in our relationship, I just want to be part of our sons life, and am working on relocating here (2000 miles) again to be part of his life.

As I understand it, since we are unmarried, I have no rights until paternity is established? Is this correct?

She has her name on the birth certificate without listing me as father (We are in the state of Kentucky) across from Ohio.

Since I am leaving today back to Portland, Oregon, I just want to see our son, if for 5 minutes to hold him. Does the hospital have the grounds to deny me visitations to our son because of mom or parents? I strongly feel her parents (she is 36) are controlling this and are very toxic regarding their control and handling the adult decisions between my ex-fiance and I and are very good at alienating myself from our son.  I am biting my tongue and silently filing paternity, but have definitely tried the amicable route and cannot continue to be undermined by the parents or blocked from having a relationship with our based on grievances and personal vendettas becuase i have been "irresponsible" I am also a single full time father of a nine year old daughter and this is very important to me since I am drained emotionally. Please offer any advice and hopefully soon, I will be on a plane in 6 hours.

Sorry this was so long

[Sherry1]

zero, nadda, zilch.  You legally have no rights to see the child, hold the child or even claim it as being your child.

About the best you can do is hire an attorney in the county where the mother resides and begin the legal process of establishing paternity, visitation rights and child support.

[Cookiemomma4]

Unfortunately, the hospital has every right and responsibility to turn you away.  Until paternity is established or the mother allows you in, you are no more than a stranger on the street to them.   It sucks...we know!  How sad that she is keeping you from him too!
File in the local child custody office ASAP (if not sooner) to assert your rights as the father as quickly as possibly.  It is the only recourse that you have without her cooperation.  You may have to go through paternity testing if she chooses to make this more difficult.
Good luck, and congrats on the birth of your son!

[jshively]

thank you both for your response, yes, I was afraid of this nightmare scenario....the truth hurts!......

I am getting ready to depart to the airport, anticipating strangely a phone call so i can see our son...so unnecessary, i will file for paternity through division of vital statistics, and have a family advocacy group working on my behalf, as this is a lower cost route.

Thanks both for your words...when fathers want to be part of our children's lives, it should not be a choice determined by others outside of my ex-fiance and myself...it has destroyed what was amicable the day our son was born, I am drained and will sleep on the plane ride....thanks again.

[jzurinsky]

Yes it is very sad. I too have been on this rollercoaster ride now for 5 months. When things were working with my X she had "promised" I would be notified when our son was born. Well needless to say her promises mean nothing. I had to go the legal route. Started with paternity (she even requested...what women does that) and now we are in temp parenting time and next month in front of the judge. Good luck!!