Chances of getting full coustody

[Fueledbyjava]

 I am a 29 year old father and am in the process of divorcing my wife after I caught her having an affair. I was wondering what my chances of getting full custody of my 3 year old daughter are in the state of Alabama. I am active duty in the military and have been for the last 11 years. I am asking because outside of adultery I can't say that she is a badmother or anything like that, this last 6 months of divorce stuff has been hard on all of us, but she is a good mom. I was just wondering if being a male in the military in Alabama if I would even have a chance to get custody, my parents also live here and I make twice as much as my wife. I woould give up everything if I knew I could get custody, my only concern about it is dragging my daughter and myself through living tjis way until we go to court only for it to be a futile battle. I was just hoping maybe someone would have some advice and opinion or could share a similar experience and the results with me. --Thanks.

[wysiwyg]

I am not sure I can help, but my daughter is in the same boat and I am wondering the same thing.  She is E5 active duty, 2 kids, going thru a Divorce and custody is temp 50/50 physical.  My daughter makes more than he does, he has small 1 bed apt kids sleep in playpens in the living room, he has a DVO on him (threatened life of daugheter and kids then tried to buy a handgun while under a rest order), can not pay the bills/rent, is already in another relationship, has documented himself (on the web) that he had kids for weekend and passed out drunk, kids could not wake him up (5 YO and 11 months), and it is documented that a diff girl he is seeing (who had her kids taken from her by the courts) is physically abusing my grandkids and hitting the baby.  What are my daughters chances of getting custody being active military?

[Fueledbyjava]

That sounds awful, it would seem that her chances should be excellent but the court system never seems to fail to dissapoint. this whole experience has been a lesson in how nice guys finish last for me, it seems like the more amicable you try to be the more you get stepped on. I just worry that my military status would be a check against me as far as full custody goes in the eyes of the court, also the fact that I am a man seems to be a huge deal in custody where the mother isn't a total degenerate or crackhead, very frustrating.

[wysiwyg]

could not have said it any better myself.  After having been thru this with my husband for the last 14 years, your sentiments are 100% correct.

As far as my daughter, she is the better parent but like you is active military and perhaps a strike on her, how many single custodial active duty mothers have you run across?

[Fueledbyjava]

Quite a few actually, depends on her job and duty station as to deployability etc. With the current world climate, chances of deploying are pretty high.

[janM]

I don't know about the military aspect.

Parents' earnings do not determine custody.

If you are both fit parents, why not 50/50? Do you have any temp court orders yet? Do you have time with your daughter now? Who is she living with? Status quo figues in quite a bit.

Could you two make up a parenting plan that you agree with and submit it to the court?

[janM]

The 5 year old needs to learn how to dial 911 if she can't wake daddy up, or if someone is hurting her.

Can you see if the gf has any police records, convictions, etc?

They may want to get a GAL (atty for the kids) involved to look into the living arrangements and other issues.

[Fueledbyjava]

We are still figuring it out in the agreement right now it has the standard with joint legal and her as primary parent, me paying child support. She is not very agreeable to 50/50 as I believe she plans to eventually move back home out of state. I would take full custody w/o child support if she would give it to me which won't happen. I was just wondering what my chances would be going to court being in the military and a male etc. It just seems that the system is so skewed towards the mother/female that fathers don't really stand a chance. I believe I could give her a more stable environment and better upbringing without all the chaos that her mother has reated and will create in the future in her own life and now that of my daughter.

[Fueledbyjava]

I still live at home with STBX and my daughter. No court orders yet, my lawyer has drawn up papers with standard visitation for me and joint legal with her as primary. Neither of us have signed the papers yet as there was an issue with the child suppport figures on her end. 50/50 sounds good too. If I was to sign the aforementioned agreement, what would my chances be of going for full custody later, or 50/50 later?

[rhutche106]

0%.  If you sign that now, unless you spend a ton of money and can prove neglect/child endangerment, you won't get it later.  Please DON"T sign that if that's your plan.

My husband signed that 5 years ago with her side promise that she would let him have all this extra time because it's important for him to be involved.  5 years later he's got nothing to show AND she is guilty of lying and involving the kids in adult matters trying to get them on her side and alienate them from her father.  We have a court date next week so I'll let you know how it goes. But as our attorney told us, unless you've got something to prove significant change of circumstance, what you sign in the beginning holds you for LIFE.

She of course can always come back to modify child support as much as she wants, but nothing can force her to give you more time with the kids. DO NOT SIGN THAT unless you're content to live with that the rest of your life.