Chances of getting full coustody

[Fueledbyjava]

Thanks for the advice! My atty. says that I have 90 days after signing to appeal anything in the agreement, ever heard of that. I am going to talk to STBX tonight about 50/50. It seems perfectly reasonable to me as long as we still live in the same city. She has said that she will give me more time than STD VIS, just like your husband's ex but I guess if it isn't in writing all she is required to give is the standard, right? It is such a catch 22 because on one hand I want this to be over so we can all stop living this way and move on, and I want to believe her promises, biut on the other hand i want guaranteed time more than standard and that will only drag this out longer. I'm sure she will go nuts and spit venom at me when I bring it up as I am convinced that she really only cares about the child support(716 a month!) and knows that keeping our daughter from me hurts me more than anything. This is hands down the most frustrating and diheartening experience I have ever been through. i have lost all faith in the system and it's ability to not just make default judgements without really looking at a case. The laws need to be rewritten, men aren't the villians that they once were. I would wager that there are almost as many deadbeat moms and single dads out there as there are the same of the opposite sex.  

[rhutche106]

I may be a little biased because of our situation, but biomom's words rarely matched her actions. In 5 years she's "given" my husband, an extra overnight four times. Three of them because she was out of town herself, or had a conflict and one was from 8PM til school the next morning so he could make a cubscout thing with his son.  And boy we've heard all about how generous she has been. Unless it's in writing she doesn't have do anything. It sure is easy to believe they're going to keep their word, but if you're getting divorced you probably didn't trust her before so why should you start now????

It's always about the money.  Kids biomom doesn't hesitate to ask for 1/2 or this or 1/2 of that (of course father doesn't have any say in those choices) but far be it from DH to ask for more time.  You would think logically less time means less expenses for her, so wouldn't money go further?  No it's all about knowing the time is important to the father so that's the best way to control and hurt.

[Kent]

YOUR lawyer drew op paperwork giving you standard visitation?!?!?!?

It's time you have a serious talk with your lawyer, and likely you'll need to find a new one. This one is obviously looking for the easy way out, and NOT your (and your daughter's) best interest.

Keep in mind: When you go to court or write an agreement, you ASK for the world, and you SETTLE for what you want.

What you want (or at least what I believe is reasonable in your situation) is that you SETTLE for shared physical custody, and one of you having sole legal. In addition, your custody order needs to say that whoever moves out of state (or even out of the county) will automatically relinguish custody to the other parent. It will not quite work that way, as you would need to go back to court to have the custody actually changed, but if it's already in writing, it helps your chances.

Good luck!

Kent!

[Fueledbyjava]

Thanks, I like the stipulation about moving, I never thought of that. My next question is: Has anyone ever had any experience or success with appealing custody immediately after  the divorce is filed? My concern is that I really want this over as we are still living in the same house with our daughter and it is tense at times, it is already going on month 8 and I just don't want my daughter to have to live with us like this anymore. My STBX has drug this out way longer than it needed to be and I believe she just wants custody for child support money. As of Friday she signed the agreement however I have not and I am just wondering if going forward with it and then going back and appealing the custody would be the thing to do, that way the house and financial stuff is already done and I acn just focus on getting at least 50% custody without her holding the house and everything else over my head as well. Any thoughts comments or advice is greatly appreciated.

[tigger]

in circumstances to have it heard.  It would not look good that you signed and agreed and then immediately changed your mind.  Know what you want and ask for it.  Don't rely on a second chance that you may not get.

[Fueledbyjava]

Agreed, I will address the issue with her tonight, and I have a meeting with my lawyer tommorrow. The best time to hash this out is now, after the agreement is signed on both ends it may as well be set in stone. All I am asking for is time with my daughter, you would think that would be an acceptable request. It is frustrating to deal with her as she is very unreasonable about this.

[Kitty C.]

If you've been trying to talk to her and come to some reasonable agreement.............and you say she is still being 'unreasonable', I would forget talking to her about it again.  You're wasting your time, creating additional conflict, and 'showing your hand' to her.  Just tell your atty. what you want.  REMEMBER:  this is a 'negotiation'...........ask for the moon and hopefully you'll get the trip around the world. All negotiations start out with two parties on polar opposites and you hope to come to an agreement somewhere in the middle.  If you ask for only what you truly want, you may very likely get a WHOLE lot less.

[Fueledbyjava]

Yea, I'm seeing that already. For some reason she is convinced that joint physical custody would be unstable for our daughter, so would only seeing her dad a weekend here and there. I just don't want the time I get with my daughter to be subject to how she feels about me at that particular time or day.

[tigger]

Or depending on why the divorce is happening, hurt and anger.  I can't remember your particular situation but remember that divorce, especially when it wasn't your idea, is a very emotionally devastating time.  If the divorce was your idea, she may want you to hurt as much as she is.  If her actions warranted the divorce (adultery) she may realize what she's losing and wants to make it difficult in hopes that you'll give up and come back and in some twisted way, she's sure she can make it work.  If she's even slightly aware that she's not the perfect mother, she may fear losing her daughter to you and therefore would prefer to limit time to prevent this.  So many different possibilities, all pointing to fear, hurt or anger.

[Fueledbyjava]

The divorce was her idea (adultery). I tried to get her to go to counseling and make attempts to work it out, no joy. I go to see my lawyer today so we'll see what happens. Another question: What are the rules on  retirement, I know married 10 years is the standard,when does the clock stop for marriage as far as that goes? Can the date I filed be used? We will have been "married" 10 years in Dec. (tentative court date is SEP)