No good time but bad timing

[72dolphins]

My wife and I have been maried for almost 12 years. After a 3 and a half month short term disability, due to foot surgery, I returned to work. I knew I'd need to work lots of overtime in order to catch up on some debt and my wife was due to have a hysterectomy in a couple weeks and we wouldn't have her income. But 5 days after I went back to work she filed for a divorce. Now I not only need more money to pay back debt and supplement her income, I have to pay $1000 of child support and start a new home for myself and make sure I have the things I need when my 2 boys come to stay with me. That's first and last months rent and a deposit. Not to mention new utilities and food. I went through my finances and discovered that after I make my monthly payments and pay her $1000 I have $400 left to pay rent, utilities, groceries, etc. My future EX refuses to believe that the courts would allow the child support to keep me from being able to support myself. I've told her I'd have to work overtime just to squeek by and then she could take me back to court and raise my support according to my income including the overtime. Talk about a "catch 22". What's a guy supposed to do? Another kicker is, I found out at work that I was going to be served divorce papers that evening. The person who told me this devestating information found out from an ex-boyfriend of my wife's. She had lunch with him a few days prior and she told him that she was divorcing me. He works where I do and he thought it was necessary to tell some of my co-workers, who then told me. That was incredibly painful and humiliating. Thanks for listening.

qb13

[ocean]

Do you have anything with the courts now? It not, then do not pay anything of hers or even child support at this point. In most states it will be considered a gift and you will have to double pay. Save the money to the side.

Use the child support calculators on-line to see how much child support would be. Get child support set through the courts and then you can get the second job. She can not bring you back to court right away and would need to prove a change in circumstance BUT you are right...it is a catch 22. Don't tell her everything you are doing or what jobs you have. Each state is different...here 2 children is 25% of your income before taxes.

[Postman]

That's rough...

here is a link you might find useful

http://www.worldlawdirect.com/forum/

look for TBYTE he is a PPO-DAD zealot but does offer good advice.

[Kitty C.]

.....find out what you state laws allow.  Here in Iowa, they can ONLY use your OT income if it is mandatory OT.  The reasoning is, they canNOT estimate your CS on future earnings, only your past earnings.  Which is why DH's ex cannot touch the massive amounts of OT that DH earns during the summer.

Also, I don't know if it's state or federal, but they can only legally take up to a certain percentage of your income.  I know that others here will have that information.

If there is nothing signed by a judge in court, NOTHING is binding yet.  Just because you've been served doesn't mean she has you by the cojones yet.  If you haven't even been to a preliminary hearing yet, all she has done is petitioned the court and made HER demands.  You will have to answer that with your demands or what you are willing to compromise on.  Then you will get together, either thru mediation or your attys., and try to come to an agreement...meet somewhere in the middle.  If you cannot agree on specific issues, the judge may rule on it for you, whether you like it or not.

One VERY important thing to remember:  often fathers are of the impression that all they will get is the standard every other weekend, every other holiday schedule with their kids, so that's all they initially ask for.  Consider this like a business negotiation...ask for it all and settle somewhere in the middle.  If she is asking for full physical custody with minimal visitation to you, ask for the very same thing.  What you are aiming for is something as close to a 50/50 physical split time with the kids as possible, which is the BEST possible outcome for the kids.

Read as much on this site, and others like it, as you possibly can.  You MUST educate yourself on everything about divorce, custody, and support or you will be taken to the cleaners and taken out of your children's lives.