concerned and worried

[sharita]

I will try to make this as short as possible

My fiance and I have been together 3 years and he has a shared custody agreement for his 6 and 9 year old boys.  for many years this has worked out ok.  but for the past 2 years their mother has been making horrible decisions and very selfish, not thinking of the children at all.  (she also has a 18 month old with another guy)  Anyway some of the major things we are worried about is:

in three years she has moved 14 times, sometimes back to the same place (her mothers 3 bedroom trailer, who has an 8 yearold, 14 yearold wheelchair bound child and 30 something yearold child also living there)

she is planning on moving the boys into the 3rd different man's house in less than a year in a half.

she has switched the eldest from schools  6 times (he is in 4th grade)

she never keeps a job longer than 3 months

she sleeps in the same bed with her  2 boys and the sister sleeps in their room also

the guy she is going to move in with she has been with about 3 weeks, the kids have already spent the night there, and he has 5 children of his own.

now this is not even the least of it, there are many, many more detailed, ridiculous things this woman has done.  we have a 3 bedroom house and the boys each have their own room. we both have reliable transportation (she does not have her own vehicle)

the question is, my fiance has finally had enough, he wants to go try to get full custody.  we have no money for a lawyer so he is scared to death b/c the courts treat him like crap even though he takes care of his kids 200%.  are any of the things listed above enough reason that a judge would consider our household more stable and right for the boys to live?

[sharita]

i want to add that the mother last year was keeping the older one home from school to finish late homework and the younger one too so she didnt have to drive to him there.  by the end of the school year the eldest was doing way worse with turning in homework and finishing projects on her days.  this school year just started so it is hard to say if she is staying on top of the school work but with a new boyfriend i highly doubt it.

our schedule is us (father) Sat-Tuesday.  when they were in our school district we had them from about noon on saturday until after dinner on Tuesday.  we had a couple evenings a week where we could get on the kids to do their homework, now she switched them schools again about 25 minutes away from us and we have no clue what is going on with them in school!  would courts take in account that they were doing bad at the end of last year when their mother was moving in and out of her mom and boyfriend's house and not handing in or finishing homework on her days?  was that too far in the past since it was last schoolyear?  and if we write down everything that happens concerning the kids, wont it still be he said/she said?  do they care that we recorded things, or do they think we are trying to dig her grave?

[knoot7]

I can tell you I have been there! Our outcome -the judge and law guardian saw nothing wrong with SS moving 9 times in 5 months, sleeping on recliners and couches! The judge also ruled a 3 hour public transportation trip one way to school was acceptable along with missing 19 days of school two years in a row ONLY on HER days! She told the judge it was a 45 minute ride despite the proof of transportation schedules. SS did keep his grades decent - not to his potential but decent enough the judge saw nothing wrong with it. We also already had it documented in court the relationship challenges she had consistently (back and forth more than 20 times in 5 years at that point)

We too had a stable environment, transportation, a good relationship model, a bedroom for SS, owned our home and we too had him 50% of the time (more like 90%). Finally last summer though letters we were able to convince BM to allow for SS to living with us during the school year. We communicated only through letters at that point. Once we proved BM wrong on the transportation, obtain attendance records for his school career and had it in writing all her days, and convinced her how this would benefit her, she allowed for it.

Then two CPS reports on drinking and violence later, this summer SS was with us 100% of the time and we denied visitation and filed with the court. The law guardian did not listen to SS with his wishes but put in the clause the parents have to respect son's wishes. Needless to say SS is with us this school year and for all years going forward, BM has EOW and SS is in football so she hasn't seen him for weeks....as SS has football on Saturdays.

That was our experience... it stunk! but with the school records we could show the inability to get him to school. I think you may have a chance showing the kids decline in school attendance and grades. Not providing educational needs for the children IS a form of neglect! Hope that angle could work for you. Unfortunateoly for us the golden uterus won in court, but Dad won in the end due to BM's ways/choices. SS is 14 now so he knows what is going on, can see BM's faults and lies. When he was in 4th grade though - BM could do no wrong.....