Change of custody

[coachg308]

I have three children with my ex wife. She has sole legal and physical custody of the children ( that's a lonnng story). My 13 year old daughter is miserable and has even resorted to cutting herself because of the relationship with her mother. My daughter will be 14 in Feb and wants to come to live with me and my wife. I know that the age of consent is 14 in GA and that her wishes will more then likely be upheld. However, I'm worried about the children being split up. Has anyone gone through this? Will they split up the children?

[ocean]

Yes, they can split the children up but you can make it so she visits mom when the kids are there and then the other children come to you when she is there.

It sounds like this child needs therapy NOW. See if you can get her to start therapy. If mom disagrees with you, go get it court ordered. There is a lot going on here if the child is cutting themselves. Does her school know? Can you get the counselors there to help? Was there police reports? How far away are you? Can she stay in the same school?

[Davy]

I was once in a similiar situation.  I won't go in to much detail except to say the situations were somewhat extraordinary and my daughter was 14, OS 13 and YS 10.  There had been a 2yr+ absence (I was in the home state) and once I was close (45 miles; in family home) dau called and wanted to live with me and so did sons.  

I met with dau for the purpose to coach her to stay with mom (begrudingly) because a move required a change in schools but I surmised the problems had escalated far beyond her broken relationship with her mom.  Same with sons.

Long story short...I moved (puke) to the mother's hometown (the kids were in trouble) and their feet did the walking to live with me.  No court involvement.  Eventually (18 months) we moved back to the home state.

The point I'm trying to get to is I think you FIRST must determine the fullness of the problem no matter how convenient it may be to blame the mom or find fault with the mom. They sometimes/often show themselves to be inept without you having to say a word (don't bad mouth mom).

FOCUS on the complete well being of the child and treating the courts secondary while protecting the child without being overbearing.  Try to communicate reasonably with the mom (oh..I know).  If the child is hurting herself or displaying totally outrageous behavior then act accordingly.  You may need juvenile specialists, etc . In my opinion the issues are beyond the capabilities and requirements of a school counselor.

Another facet I observed in my situation and some others.  The children seemed to know their lives had turned to chit and they did't like themselves.  They knew Dad would'nt tolerate any BS and desired the correctness.  The mother didn't complain (at least initially) about the kids absence from her.(ie caribean trips, cruises, etc).  Mother constantly manipulated daughter emotionally to control all aspects of her life.

Sorry I belabored the issue but I hope it helps.

[coachg308]

I wouldn't change her school because she's already changed schools three times in the last two years. Her mother refuses to let her go to therapy. She'll be 14 soon so I constantly stay on her about holding on for a few more months. The judge at our divorse was soooo pro mom. The children were actually living with me and my wife and she gave them to my ex. My ex got to court and said I kidnapped the kids and denied her access; when in actuality she deserted the children. It's very difficult to go up against a woman in court. I would rather we wait until the judge really doesn't have a say so.

[coachg308]

This was actually a GREAT help. My daughter and her mother have never had a bond. I was always the care giver of the children in my marriage. I don't talk bad about there mom, I recognize that no matter what she does, all children want to be loved and accepted by there mother. I also recognize that my children are living in substandard conditions and it makes me want to jump out of my skin. There are four children in one bedroom (girls and boys) and my ex hasn't worked a legit job in 2 and a half years. He current form of employment is providing erotic massages. There is so much going on that I really feel like I'm taking part in a horror film where my hands are tied and I'm watching my children be eaten alive.

[Davy]

It appears that you realize your objection is as much with the court as it is with the woman.  What many have learned is that courts fragrantly disregard the legal statues and use their discretionary powers to do (rule) whatever they please often to the great detriment of the children.
You may be disappointed if the court ignores your daughter's age and wishes.

My atty entered a Recusal motion saying the court is BIAS and PREJUDICE against the father and children in order to remove him from the case.  This may not be effective in every state and,  generally speaking, requires a gutsy attorney that is not part of the good ole boy system in a particular jurisdiction.

I know your burdens are heavy but hope there is a way to get the children in your primary custody.  I hope the woman is not holding on to substantiate CS.

Best to you and your family.




Bumper Sticker suggestion :

Don't tell mom her sons are pastors ... she thinks they take turns playing a piano in a whore house.

[janM]

>II know that the age of consent is 14 in GA and
>that her wishes will more then likely be upheld.

You may want to confirm that, cause I've heard that that has changed, and while the child's preference may be heard, it's not a guarantee that their wishes will prevail.

For starters, try to get a third party to document the cutting, and take it to court to get her court ordered therapy.

[HanasStepMonster]

 I know that the age of consent is 14 in GA and
>that her wishes will more then likely be upheld. However, I'm
>worried about the children being split up. Has anyone gone
>through this? Will they split up the children?

In Virginia - if there is more than one child, they will many times wait for the YOUNGEST to reach age of consent - so they don't split up the kids.