Custody Mediation - Anyone have a positive outcome?

[United]

Hello,

We are in the middle of custody mediation.  I see many posts referring to custody evaluations, but not custody mediation.  It took two years to actually get to this point, due to mom's stalling and refusal's.  

From the very first session, before even meeting the children, the mediator stated that she is "hesitant to change the current order" which is 50-50.  She is still stating the same thing, even after many sessions.

This leads me to think that custody mediation is designed to get to 50-50 as "the ultimate goal" and since we have it, there is nothing short of something horrific that will make a mediator actually recommend a change.

Has anyone had the experience where a mediator actually recommended a change from 50-50? (this is California).

Thanks for your input and wisdom.  My patience is wearing thin......

[Kitty C.]

So what's the reason you want to change it from 50/50?  Yes, it IS the ultimate goal, as the best thing for the children is to have EQUAL access to both parents.

Got anything on the mother that proves her inability to be a good parent?

[BelleMere]

If you can present some compelling evidence about the problems, then that might help. Problem is that if you can't agree which house should have primary residential, then 50-50 really IS the best option. So, what are the problems? Mediation for us did work out (but we never had 50-50 . . in fct, that would have been a dream come true when we were NCP) because we made concessions to let BM feel like she was "winning" something. I.E. after much debate we agreed to do all transportation (something that didn't really matter to us, but we let her think it did and was a huge inconvenience) in exchange for concessions from her. Maybe there's a way to restructure the schedule for 50-50 that addresses whatever problems it is you are having.

[United]

 
mom drinks (two dui's); mom has moved the kids 17 times in past 5 years (usually in with a new guy); mom asks kids to lie and guilts them when they don't; mom refuses to discipline because she doesn't want them to be mad at her; the kids grades went from A's and B's to D's and F's- she won't send them to school when she's not working because the doesn't want to be alone.  I think you get the picture.  It goes on and on.  The kids do very well with the consistency and structure in our home, but it is very hard to have long term benefits when it is a week on and then a week in Disneyland.  We believe mom has personality disorder, but we haven't been able to get psych. eval ordered.

Our mediator seems very hesitant to move from 50/50 all the same.