I don't usually post here, but I need to tap into your experience...

[junglechicken]

Just a bit of background, because no one here knows me:

I met my now-dh very shortly after he and bm separated summer 1999.  They were married nearly 4 years and have two daughters, whose ages are listed below.  BM met her bf very shortly after dh and I met, and they've lived together ever since.  DH and bm share custody of the girls, bm and bf have a 4yo son, and bf has a daughter whose mother is her primary custodial parent.

BF is of less than favourable character.  He is emotionally abusive to bm, that I have witnessed myself, and the girls have told us of him being the same way to them on occasion, as well as physically (mostly consisting of pushing - nothing that leaves marks.)  When he and bm began living together, shortly before their son was born, to the best of my recollection, bm always had a phone, she lived in a divey apartment but her rent was always up to date, and she deserved credit for trying to keep her and the kids' heads above water.  It was apparent dh's cs was going towards the kids.

Since moving in with bf, they've moved 4 times.  Once was to a larger apartment in the same complex bm lived in herself previously.  That was for the sole purpose of gaining more living space because they now had three kids living there instead of two.  They were evicted from that apartment for nonpayment of rent in the fall of 2002, and moved into a rental house nearby.  This is when bf began to really show his true colours, and it was aroudn this time I witnessed him being verbally abusive to bm.  One by one they lost their cable, phone, and then that house, all due to nonpayment.  They moved out of that house at the end of November 2003 and into another rental house.  They are still in that house, however, my osd has told us they've been threatened with eviction again, have no phone or cable again, and osd even told us the name of the form they received that indicated they were treading thin ice with the current landlord.

Hopefully this will never happen, but my dh is insisting that if bm gets evicted again, from her 3rd residence, he's going for custody of the kids.  The fact that she can't keep a roof over their heads will be the main focus.

In that case, do you think getting an attorney and going for the throat with a custody battle and all is best, or do you think mediation might work?

Take into account the fact that communication between dh and bm SUCKS....and that bm, of course, will not be in favour of a custody modification of any kind.

I don't know. I'm just hoping that doesn't happen because a custody battle will mean a nightmare for the kids. Just a nightmare. *I* am not impressed with the way dh and bm handle each other - I can't imagine a judge ruling favourably.

[Peanutsdad]

If the two parents cannot even communicate,, mediation is very unlikely to produce anything but nice fat attorney bills.


I'm afraid I have to side with your DH on this. It WILL be very unpleasant, bUT entirely appropriate for a change of custody in light of his ex's inability to care for the children.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm

URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/guide.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[junglechicken]

Thanks for your reply.  :)