Question for Lawmoe

[nosonew]

Hi and welcome! Great to have you here!  Okay, have a question or two, here is the background, as short as possible.

    Child (son) born out of wedlock in 89, (one night stand), father finds out about child at age 2 when bm requested help from the state, DNA testing determined paternity. CS established, is garnished (never late, paid all back support in lump sum), From 91-94 saw son whenever in town (lived 4 hours away) 1-2x monthly per visitation agreement that of course stated "When bm and dad agree..." Father moves back to town to be closer to son and  meets me in 94, bm upset at relationship (they had ONE night, never dated, never nothing after that...although she tried).
    Upon finding out we were dating, she filed sexual abuse allegations.  Child was 4.  Things went downhill from there, and he had to go to court in Oct 94 for set visitation, she refused all visitation from June-Oct court date.  He received regular Kansas state guidelines for visitation, after 4 day only visits, to re-aquaint him with child.  She continually refused visitation and began severe PAS, with 3 more false allegations from Oct 94-99. Numerous court intervention, with just slaps on her wrist.  Finally judge recused himself and sent us to the BIG guy, who oversees 12 counties.  (we married in 96).
    The area judge never heard our case or our 120 contempts against the bm, sent us to a "case mgr" who he described in his order as "the person to oversee all aspects of the case until minor reaches age of 18, reporting back to the court, etc".  The judge even put in his order that he would go with her recommendations 99.9% of the time, as she is involved in all aspects, although either party could take an issue back to court if they disagreed with her final decision, however, if the judge sided with her, the party taking it back to court would be liable for all expenses of the court's time, as well as the other parties atty fees.  Needless to say, we have NEVER been back to court!
    The case mgr has been a Godsend, helping the two parents communicate and realize what is really going on.  The bm still caused problems, but the case mgr resolved them quickly.  The case mgr counseled the bm (in our presence) regarding her controlling nature of the child and that as a teen he would likely rebel if she did not change her ways, to which she replied, "He will live in foster-care before he lives with is dad", which the case mgr did not like, and told her she actually felt the child would "do better emotionally" with his father.  BM's reply, "Over my dead body".  Then, child reaches age 12, tells his dad he wants to live with him, writes letter to case mgr (per her request), meets with her without bm's knowledge (per her request), and she changes custody to 50/50 for awhile, then when child turned 13, he requested a full change of residence, which she granted.  
    Due to bm's controlling nature, and hell-bent against this custody change, she moved.  Telling child he would see her every other weekend, all summer long (8-9 weeks), every holiday, etc., even if that meant missing Prom and Graduation! Case mgr disagreed with this, and let the child decide his visitation.  It is written in the order that "If the child has social, sports, academic, or other activities he is interested in that interfere with his weekend visitation with the mother, he may choose to change his visitation to fit his schedule and both parties are to work with these adjustments."  
    My dh has always told child he should see both parents as much as possible. He really is the perfect parent.  He dislikes bm immensely, yet will never allow his feelings to interfere with his son's relationship with the mother.  We have both explained to child that even if "he" doesn't feel the need to see his mother, she NEEDS to see him.

Okay, questions:

1.  Have you ever seen a judge make an order like this regarding the case manager?
2.  How do you feel about the child being allowed to make his own visitation? (I think it was done by case mgr due to her verbalizing she would not re-arrange the schedule if something came up important for son)
3.  How do we deal with her requests for additional time he doesn't want?
4.  He has been to her home for her 2 weeks of "extended summer visit" (all the case mgr put for summer was 2 weeks with bm) and we have been unable to contact the child, it has been 8 days.  Suggestions?

Sorry so long, but just wondering after Socrates questioned the judge's order in this case....  Thanks, nosonew  

[nosonew]

Hi and welcome! Great to have you here!  Okay, have a question or two, here is the background, as short as possible.

    Child (son) born out of wedlock in 89, (one night stand), father finds out about child at age 2 when bm requested help from the state, DNA testing determined paternity. CS established, is garnished (never late, paid all back support in lump sum), From 91-94 saw son whenever in town (lived 4 hours away) 1-2x monthly per visitation agreement that of course stated "When bm and dad agree..." Father moves back to town to be closer to son and  meets me in 94, bm upset at relationship (they had ONE night, never dated, never nothing after that...although she tried).
    Upon finding out we were dating, she filed sexual abuse allegations.  Child was 4.  Things went downhill from there, and he had to go to court in Oct 94 for set visitation, she refused all visitation from June-Oct court date.  He received regular Kansas state guidelines for visitation, after 4 day only visits, to re-aquaint him with child.  She continually refused visitation and began severe PAS, with 3 more false allegations from Oct 94-99. Numerous court intervention, with just slaps on her wrist.  Finally judge recused himself and sent us to the BIG guy, who oversees 12 counties.  (we married in 96).
    The area judge never heard our case or our 120 contempts against the bm, sent us to a "case mgr" who he described in his order as "the person to oversee all aspects of the case until minor reaches age of 18, reporting back to the court, etc".  The judge even put in his order that he would go with her recommendations 99.9% of the time, as she is involved in all aspects, although either party could take an issue back to court if they disagreed with her final decision, however, if the judge sided with her, the party taking it back to court would be liable for all expenses of the court's time, as well as the other parties atty fees.  Needless to say, we have NEVER been back to court!
    The case mgr has been a Godsend, helping the two parents communicate and realize what is really going on.  The bm still caused problems, but the case mgr resolved them quickly.  The case mgr counseled the bm (in our presence) regarding her controlling nature of the child and that as a teen he would likely rebel if she did not change her ways, to which she replied, "He will live in foster-care before he lives with is dad", which the case mgr did not like, and told her she actually felt the child would "do better emotionally" with his father.  BM's reply, "Over my dead body".  Then, child reaches age 12, tells his dad he wants to live with him, writes letter to case mgr (per her request), meets with her without bm's knowledge (per her request), and she changes custody to 50/50 for awhile, then when child turned 13, he requested a full change of residence, which she granted.  
    Due to bm's controlling nature, and hell-bent against this custody change, she moved.  Telling child he would see her every other weekend, all summer long (8-9 weeks), every holiday, etc., even if that meant missing Prom and Graduation! Case mgr disagreed with this, and let the child decide his visitation.  It is written in the order that "If the child has social, sports, academic, or other activities he is interested in that interfere with his weekend visitation with the mother, he may choose to change his visitation to fit his schedule and both parties are to work with these adjustments."  
    My dh has always told child he should see both parents as much as possible. He really is the perfect parent.  He dislikes bm immensely, yet will never allow his feelings to interfere with his son's relationship with the mother.  We have both explained to child that even if "he" doesn't feel the need to see his mother, she NEEDS to see him.

Okay, questions:

1.  Have you ever seen a judge make an order like this regarding the case manager?
2.  How do you feel about the child being allowed to make his own visitation? (I think it was done by case mgr due to her verbalizing she would not re-arrange the schedule if something came up important for son)
3.  How do we deal with her requests for additional time he doesn't want?
4.  He has been to her home for her 2 weeks of "extended summer visit" (all the case mgr put for summer was 2 weeks with bm) and we have been unable to contact the child, it has been 8 days.  Suggestions?

Sorry so long, but just wondering after Socrates questioned the judge's order in this case....  Thanks, nosonew  

[Lawmoe]

First, thank you for the greeting.

Now, obvoiusly, I am not licensed inyou stae, but your post raises many red flags.  The first is that the judge delegated siuch authourity to a case manager who is in the adminstrative branchof government.  Stating that he/she will agree with case manager any percentage of time violates constitutional protections of separation of powers under state law.  It is very odd.

A review of the statutes indicates that under 23-1002, Article 10.--CASE MANAGEMENT, the court can  appoint a case manager, when appropriate, of any contested issue of child custody or parenting time at any time, upon the motion of a party or on the court's own motion. Nothing in the statute tallows the court to give the case manager the power that you describe.

That notwithstanding, I will respond to your questions.

 1. Have you ever seen a judge make an order like this regarding the case manager?

No


2. How do you feel about the child being allowed to make his own visitation? (I think it was done by case mgr due to her verbalizing she would not re-arrange the schedule if something came up important for son)

I was unable to find the custody/visitation statute. However, if Kanasas is like most states, parenting time is baseed on what is in the child's best interests.  The child has a voice, but only in the context of the totality of all circumstances and other factors.

3. How do we deal with her requests for additional time he doesn't want?

If he does not want it, ignore them.  Parenting time cannot be forced. However, it erodes any chance of acquiring custody in the future because it shows disinterest.

4. He has been to her home for her 2 weeks of "extended summer visit" (all the case mgr put for summer was 2 weeks with bm) and we have been unable to contact the child, it has been 8 days. Suggestions?

All states, require informing the other parent of a physical location and phone number where the child can be reached. raise the issue with the case mmanager.  Also try to schedule regular phone contact on a schedule when the child will be available each week.  This is minimal, reasonable and will undoubtedly be required.

[true]

Well indeed your situation surely seems strange.

Recently, during a referee hearing at my exh request. I was told that "nothing interferes" with ex's Parenting Time, not even required summer band. So now I have been court order to repurchased flight tickets two weeks later. Also, I am attempting to get the band teacher to allow different make up time, it will be hard considering its Marching Band.

Indeed you do need to be able to contact your children. One, summer if I didnt call in the evening but called during the day, I only spoke into an answering machine. My children told me they were not allowed to answer unless the ex was home. Is the location so far away that you cant go over there to check the situation out? I also send "phone cards" with my children. This summer I have sent quite a few phone minutes : )

Also, when the ex was heading to spend 14 days in Florida with our children I ended up having to write a letter to our case manager requesting "location/telephone #,flight information". He didnt give me the info until arrival in Florida, which wasnt quite the concept but its just one of those things I have to deal with.

Good luck,
true

[nosonew]

I left a message Friday and he called Saturday.  He talked to his little sisters for about 20 minutes, than talked to his dad for another 30.  Sounds like he is just fine, just a little bored.  

I know it is a wierd situation, but perhaps they justify it after having a case file as big as ours...it has stopped all court proceedings and any decisions made have been what is best for the child.  Both sides have had to compromise on things, and it hasn't killed any of us yet!  Much better than doing the court thing every month or two!