A Little Input

[MYSONSDAD]

Child Concealment

Visitation Interference

"Children learn what they live"

[FleetingMoment]

Obviously doesn't make a damn bit of difference
>WHAT the issue is, as long as you can give an OPPOSING
>viewpoint.  

If you continue to read my posts, you will see viewpoints that are "both" opposite and on the same wavelength as the others here.

>And the reason why you picked THIS site is just
>because you happen to have some life experiences in the issues
>related to this site.

That's correct. And someday I just might tell my story. But for now, you'll have to be content on making your own book by a cover judgements.

>
And before you fire off a post heaping in
>indignation, remember this first:  it's got NOTHING to do with
>how YOU perceive your 'attitude' in your posts, it's OURS.
>It's how you come across to us, cuz we certainly don't think
>the way you do!

Hey, it's never easy to become a new poster amidst a clique that's been in control of all the answers on this board.  That's ok. It's my preference to be able to think differently and for myself :)

'If your site proves worthwhile, you can bet they will destroy
>its credibility in zero download time flat.'  Just another
>prime example that you obviously haven't been around here
>long, either.  This site is one of the LONGEST running,
>growing by leaps and bounds and second to none.  There have
>been MANY who have tried to do what you're doing, with
>absolutely no success.  This place is WAY too strong for
>that.

I'm sorry??? But I believe that is either a misunderstanding (misreading) on your part or a deliberately twisted mistatement intended to lead the rest of a clique on a feeding frenzy. Nowhere did I state that "this site" has no credibility, nor am I challenging it, its purposes, longevity, growth, etc. So don't harp on it. SPARC is a great site, and it's founder is a terrific guy :)
>
>
And speaking of that, what IS your intention to slam people
>here and create enemies????  Trying to divide everyone and
>disrupt this site as much as possible?  What is your goal in
>all this??  Just to satisfy some need of self-importance????
>Because that is the perception you are giving me, and I'm sure
>to others here too.  Is that the way you want us to view
>you????

I tell a poster that I think its a good idea to have an informational site minus a discussion board, and I'm slamming the poster? I cannot create foes between friends. Divide? Divide what? What an absurd thought. Wait, maybe not. Maybe you're concerned that a lightbulb may go off in some minds... "I hate to admit it, but she has point there or she's right, this time?" As Rhett said to Scarlet, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."... how you view me. You have your kaleidoscope, I have mine. eom.

[Stepmom0418]

"Hey, it's never easy to become a new poster amidst a clique that's been in control of all the answers on this board. That's ok. It's my preference to be able to think differently and for myself"  


I wanted to correct you on the above statement as I disagree! Sparc has been a wonderful place for Dh and I. The people here are helpful and I have found their advise VERY useful in our situation and especially the particular poster you were responding to!!

The people here are great and it seems to me that you are only working to scare off the new posters. If you ask me I think that you have a reason that you decided to come to sparc and try to cause a problem with everyone who tries to give you their point of view!

Who is here at sparc? Your ex perhaps?

You dont have to cause problems to get answers!!

[FleetingMoment]

I "am" a new poster. How would I know who's a new poster here to scare away, and why would I want to scare anyone away? That's absurd.

I never stated the people here were not helpful. I never stated their advice was not useful. Have you seen me post to someone, "Bad Advice?" And you won't. I never stated SPARC is not a wonderful place for you or anyone for the matter. Everyone has the right to post, and those that want advice or guidance, have the right to pick and choose which one will work for themselves.  

So what exactly are you trying to say?

Au contraire, reality is, all it took was one response from one new poster the clique didn't like and boom! Reminds me of a bunch of protestors waving signs and shouting, "Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill."

No, my ex isn't here. It would be an amusing showtime for you guys if he was ;-).

[Stepmom0418]

You have already stated that YOU DO NOT LIKE forums such as this one .......so tell me why do you post here?

I have seen you give bad advise and I have also seen you attack members that have been VERY  helpful to MANY people here.

The most of the posters here believe that every parent should have EQUAL access to their children (unless abuse or drugs is a factor or safety) and you come here and you post and tell a poster that he should have a vasectemy!! He wants his children and is concerned about them. Why should he not have the right? What just because he has children with more than one woman? There are many here that have children with more than one person and THAT does not make a person a bad person!!


You said that you dont like message boards like this so just go away!!

[FleetingMoment]

Sorry, you think its bad advice to tell a man who's fathered three children with three women to get a vasectomy. Maybe I should have told him to become join a cult that promotes bigamy and move them all in under one roof? Maybe I should have suggested he name them all George or Georgia Foreman?  

When a woman hops from man to man, making babies in the same manner, Daddy 1, Daddy 2, Daddy 3, I would say the same thing... Tubal Ligation before another man comes along that Fertile Myrtle falls in love with.

Theoretically "equal access" should be the right thing to do, but realistically from the moment a family splits it's almost impossible.

Even the "daddy" you're defending isn't content with his second ex having equal access. He's finding that she's "problematic."

It's the 1st ex's fault. It's the 2nd ex's fault. The 3rd one is fine right now, but if they were to get divorced too... who do you think will be the faulty one. Himself? No way. This is Mr. Right here.

Of course he wants his children. But he doesn't like to share them. He wants to run the whole show. His poor third wife. I'd hate to be in her shoes. Though I'm certain you'd be happy to fill them. Enablers are like that :)

What members have I attacked? I haven't posted to any of them. Likewise, I've sure been ganged up on. Who's doing the childish name calling and mudslinging? Are you recognizing yourself? I can't help if you feel you have to throw your two cents worth in over and over again. Save it.. it's not worth a half a cent to me.

[MYSONSDAD]

This is someone who thrives on emotion and reaction.

If we don't feed them, they'll starve...

[FleetingMoment]

Posters need to keep their personal emotions out of others posts. It doesn't make them appear anymore credible than the poster they disagree with it, if they can't refrain from name-calling or calling one poster's advice to another, bad advice simply because it is not the advice they would give themselves. You're on the right track. Smart :)

[Tiresias]

Hello Everyone,
  I am reletivaly new to SPARC and I am right now standing on the edge of the forest in which most of you (old-timers to SPARC) are in.
 Please take a moment to hear what I see in this forest...
I can be pretty sure that most of us on these boards are in some way hurting, either for our children,ourselves or for our spouses and for many all of the above.  
  I see a lashing out at others (especially when the topic is "flaming") for others opinions to or for the poster of the topic.  I see this as a way of releasing some of that pain that we are in.  But, the energy that is spent on arguing with each other about mere opinions could be better spent on helping each other with real problems.  The poster can take what they need and leave the rest.  It really is as simple as that.  I see so many arguments on these boards, its really heartbreaking when we should be banding together to be a support system for eachother.  We dont have to like eachother, but we have a common bond on some kind of level and I feel that we have an objective here to help the adults so that in-kind, we really will be helping our children.
       Thank You for listening

                           Ladybug3

[Bolivar]

You said "I am working on a website and book that will delineate divorce issues generally."


My question is who are your customers?  The reason I ask,, do you feel that all parents (and non parents) who go through divorce deal with the similar problems?

Your ability to see the big picture of divorce is far greater than mine.  One major reason being my emotional attitude towards my situation.  (your background also helps tremendously. lol)

There appears to be a huge difference in views in the experiences of divorce.  This difference is expressed by the large number of web sites and books catering to different groups.

Is the book your writing going to be like a reference book where the reader picks and chooses topics which applies to there situation?  Or is it going to be more like a traditional book where the reader reads it from front to back?

One last note.  There seems to be a lot of info on what to do when one is involved in a divorce.  There doesn't seem to be a lot of info on CUSTODY ISSUES AFTER THE DIVORCE.  From a web point of view it seems most posters (regulars) are dealing with after divorce,  custody concern.  

Of course I realize that my perception is based on the sites I visit,, which tend to be for NCP. lol :-)


P.S. Could you recommend a book, for understanding and developing a strategy for modify custody after the divorce papers have been signed?