Any ideas on how to prove this for a custody motion?

[joni]

My DH's Ex has sole legal and physical custody of his daughter.  I have learned thru my 7 y.o. SD that her grandmother is drinking bad again.  My DH's Ex lives with her parents.  At the time of the divorce, the Ex swore her mother had been sober for two years.  The judge discounted my DH's concerns.

My SD tells us how grandma is drinking wine when she gets home from school (grandma is the baby sitter for about 30 hours per week while mom runs around).  SD says grandma's hands shake really bad and that grandma falls asleep at the table during dinner.  After dinner, grandma goes to bed.  SD stays up alone, often til 11pm, waiting for mom to get home because she's scared.

The family is very good at functioning around grandma's drinking.  For example, grandma's not allowed to drive.  So forget about her having any DUI's.

How do we approach this for a challenge in custody?  My DH's Ex is an emotional and psychological mess.  We think she text book Child of Alcoholic Syndrome.  Obviously, the same grandma that caused mom to be messed up is now raising our SD.  I'm sure that in a motion, we'll could list the issues with grandma's drinking and it would just end up being a he said/she denies bantering.  Of course the Ex would never admit her mother is an alcoholic.

I just don't know how to approach this.  Any ideas would be appreciated.

[janM]

Tell SD that the next time Grandma falls alseep and she is alone to call the police. They will come and check out the situation. If grandma doesn't wake up I'm sure they'll call CPS. Or if you think she is alone, you call them and have them do a welfare check on the child. Make sure they know that if they need to take the child into protective custody, to call you. 7 is way too young to be unsupervised,  and she should be in bed before 11pm. Let her know that if she sees policemen there that she can answer the door.

[Stepmomnow]

I would also get SD into therapy during time when DH has visitation (make sure BM knows of it) because SD can ten tell the therapist and the therapist can report it.

[joni]

I think that's the most viable way to go.  SD is terrified of mom's wrath.  Don't think she would ever call 911 on drunk grandma.  Although, I will tell the child to do so if grandma gets sick, falls or she can't wake grandma up.

We have her two weeks at Christmas.  Will talk to husband about doing that.  I know mom will answer with a court motion.  Last year, judge wanted to talk to child and mom wouldn't let the child talk and backed off on her motion, mediated it and gave us what we wanted on visitations.  Mom's hiding the skeletons in her closet.  Just trying to sort out a way to catch her in her lies.  It's bound to come undone sooner than later, hopefully sooner for the child's sake.

[DecentDad]

What about hiring a private investigator to knock on the door at 7pm with video camera in hand?

The P.I. can try to engage grandma, perhaps give reason to inspect something in the house.

Or, you can introduce your 7 year old to the PI ahead of time.  Then, she can open the door for PI if you think that grandma will be asleep and drunk at 7pm.

PI can record the whole thing with video recorder in hand.  Maybe 7 year old can show him through the house (wine glass, grandma sleeping).

And do that a few times to show it's a routine occurrence?

I have no idea of the legal implications if a child invites a person into a dwelling to videotape.  Is it still trespassing?

DD

[MYSONSDAD]

I agree, a therapist talking with your SD will be very 'eye opening' and also give you some leverage.



"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

Every State is different, but a PI would know what they can and will be able to do. Their testimony in court is priceless and pictures speak a thousand words.

If the child lets them in, then I think legally it is okay.

They can also do some behind the scenes investigating that normal people can't. Never know what they might find...

Best money I ever spent!

"Children learn what they live"