Off to a Trial

[ER]

Haven't posted in awhile as things quieted down after mu second pre-trial for usotdy of my son. Well the GAL leaned in my favor but not sole custody but instead more of a joint with my ex. We had a scheduled settlement conference to see if we could solve our differences and come up with a plan to avoid going to court...well...today we saw the GAL for this and guess what?? Yes, we are going to a trial. Not only was there disagreements but my ex flew off the handle and dropped the "F" bomb right in front of the GAL. Needless to say I was touched by this. The GAL finally got to "see" what I have been saying all along. Oh, I did agree with the GAL recommendations but my ex flat - out refused only wanting a shared parenting plan with our son.

I would like to understand somthing here if anyone could help. We both went through the GAL process, had Psychological Evaluations and what not. When it was all said and down both reprots strongly agreed that a shared parenting plan was not feasible. Even in the GAL's report to the courts he stated that he hoped that a shared parenting plan would become feasible in time. So, I was recommended to be the CP and primary residential parent. The mother got visitations with extra day and night alternating weekends. Holidays were the same as before, vactions, and summer break was a bit off on visitations in that my son would alternate one week with me and one week with his mother. Pretty much cut and dry. So knowing all this going into this meeting what are the chances now for say both of us. I was thinking of joint but now I thinking I should stick to sole just after what I saw and how she refused to cooperate on anything. It kind of made me wonder what would be occuring down the road in the future.

To top it off, the GAL was very concerned in regards to me and my ex getting along since my son has developmental problems. But if a parent claims that they were left out of any knowldege of their childs well-being through-out the cusoty process but was in ralty never denied access to anything regarding their child then how can they make such a claim? My ex had over 9 months to be a part of my son's theraphy. She knew about it, her family knew about and when she refused to speak to me, I told her family the progress of my son. She never called me nor offered to see where my son goes or show conern about his progress but when asked in front of those involved she states I purposly kept her away form it all. Now wouldn't any parent who loves their child and wants to truly be a part of their childs life be invovled in any way possible regardless of the situation with thier ex? I am most certain that if my ex had custody, I would be getting infomation weekely on my child no matter what. And, this is comming form my son's mother claimming again and again to the GAL that I threw her out of my house but yet she takes her daughter and  left our son with me...does that even make sense??? WHat grounds will she have to fight me on now?

Thanks

[PburgDad]

What can you tell me about how the GAL works? Do you get an opportunity to really lay it out for them? How did you prepare for your meetings? Any advice?

I have filed for custody and have been appointed a GAL. Our pretrial is Feb 17,

Tx - Jim

[ER]

Always document events and signicant doings with your child or children. Keep a journel handy to enter anything that happens both with you and your ex regarding the child or children. Retain records or letters from those involved, schools, day-care, outside activities the children are involved in. By all means when you talk to the GAL always show respect for your ex and refer to your ex by their name not "the ex" or "my childrens mother".

The GAL is there for your children and not for anything else so dishing out the dirt on your ex will do no good. Let your ex open up and say the bad stuff. You have to focus on the children and stay with nothing but the facts of the children and why you feel you should be with them. Always, always stay focused on the children. If your ex has done things harmful or somthing significant towards the children than by all means state it but back it up with facts. If she was aressted for somthing, get the records and bring them for proof.

The GAL will not care if she is dating 10 men with the kids unless it posses a danger for their safety or their is sever neglect. I know it is hard to swallow but in my case my ex left me and my son for another man, took her daughter mind you and then preceeded to try and force this guy on my son as his "new dad" He also was arressted for DV as well as a steriod freak from sources but it didn't matter as I found out. It was a big blow to me that that would not be considered but there were other avenues that came out that helped such as a lack of interest in her children. So eventhough it hurts, it may be good for ex's to have others that involve their time rahter than be responsible for their children (hint, hint)

Always be involved and make the effort to stay involved with your child or children lives. Show the GAL that you are involved and that the children respond to you by being involved. This by far is the best advice I can give as it made a huge differnece in my case. My child has developmental problems and I went forward and got him the help he needs. It is only now that my ex is fighting against it because for 9 months she was banging her loser boyfriend and now realizes that she is about to lose her son over custody. So now she is trying to "look good" to impress the judge that she wants to be a mother again, not to mention the oney her father is feeding her to look good. So, take that advice and be involved, you do have a right even if your ex refuses it, find a way around the problems leagallly. It goes a long way with the GAL.

And lastly, be prepaird to spend money. Not just a bit a lot depending onyour situation. You may be both ordered for Psychological evaluations, who knows. It could be over before the pre-trial or it could tak a year or more but not matter what you will be spending money and unfortunately the system will take it all the way.

Good Luck!

[PburgDad]

Thanks for the advice. The heart of my case is that my ex has completely ignored the parenting plan or working together, and demonstrating how the kids have suffered. I don't have a "smoking gun" on anything, but she (and her new husband) both have DUIs in the last 2 years, she filed bankruptcy, and generally ignores the kids. My significant change in circumstances is that I am no longer traveling for my job. I take my kids EVERY chance I can - way over my alloted time. I don't feel like I have a very strong case, but I have to at least send a message to my ex and try and get more official time with my kids.

Does the GAL look at circumstances during the marriage? I have a TON of evidence against my ex that I never had to use during the divorce.

Tx-

[onedaddy]

The GAL is only interested in the childrens best interest.  He/She will always look for a common ground and expect cooperation from both or either parent.  It will look good to give in to your ex at times, but you can stand your ground when you feel it is necessary or unreasonable.

We brought a thorough chronology of facts with us for our visit along with all the proof to back up what we said.  We left the he said/she said to a minimum.

She was seemingly taking the side of sociopathic BM at the beginning.  But BM and SF continually badgered her after literally every weekend the children were with us with some new ridiculous allegation and then continually denied DH time. GAL would confront us on these allegations at first which made us want to scream.  Always keep your cool around GAL, they expect this. Something the GAL does not like is interference with parenting time be phone contact, visitation, school plays even pictures, the more you involve your ex the better you will look.

There might not be much the GAL can do with new husbands background but it will or at least it should mean something to the judge.  The SF in our case has 20 arrests with 5 years in state prison for Arson, DV('s), assault, patronizing a prostitute, etc. BM is his 4th wife and he has 2 kids by 2 women he has no rights to. We are beginning the 3rd day of our custody trial tomorrow and thus far everyone has been interested if not by his background then by BM's lack of judgement in choosing this man; in moving the children 6x in 2 years each time further from DH without any consult to DH even during this trial; in having DH falsely arrested 2x which we proved, etc., etc. You get my point, your BM might not be this crazy but don't leave anything out, you never know what will help you or when it will help for that matter  

Like ER we also have the forensics evaluator big time on our side which I think will end up being the most important part of our case.  According to his report BM is more than a piece of work with sociopathy, pyschopathy, anti-social behavior and BPD.  He even coached our lawyer on effective ways of cross-examining this type of behavior.

Good luck and stick with the facts Karma has away of working things out; I hope!