Help

[moninoh]

I am a woman and found this site looking for help for my husband who is a NCP.  However, I am posting about my own situation, looking for insight.  I am currently involved in a custody battle.  I have a child with a former boyfriend who never wanted anything to do with her.   When I filed for child support, her father decided to file for custody.  The father is telling the courts one thing - that he can be a better parent, etc, meanwhile telling me that he will hurt our daughter once he gets visitation if I don't drop the support.  How can he do this and how can I stop him?  Help.

[Hardware Queen]

He is making such threats because you are going after *his* money. He wants to hurt you because you are getting him where it hurts. Check to see if your state is a one- or two-party state for recording purposes. You may be able to record his threats and use them in court. Certainly it should be grounds for going after supervised visits.

At the very least, a parenting evaluation should be conducted. See http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/evalfaq.htm. See http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/custfaq.htm for FAQs about custody.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Genie]

document by keeping a journal with dates and times of conversation, either by phone or in person and exactly what was said.  If he is sending you emails print them out as proof.  All this can be used to get a restraining order against him banning contact with you.

This is not good and you don't need to hear his threats.  And if he is threatening your child then you could possibly protect her with the restraining order too.  Paperwork can be filed at court house and you can file police reports too after incidents.

[moninoh]

Thank you both.  I had no idea it was legal to record conversations...also I never wanted to bring police into it, but this is my baby.  I almost feel like these are empty threats and I never wanted to be a mother who kept her child from her father, but my gut feeling tells me that I just can't hand her over.  Sadly, this is the type of man that makes it so difficult for the good fathers, such as the ones on this board, to get a fair shake...

[Hardware Queen]

Here is a site that tells which states are one-party and which are two-party: http://www.aapsonline.org/judicial/telephone.htm. I believe you can find recording devices someplace like Radio Shack.

I wouldn't want to risk those threats being empty threats. A good father would never even think such thoughts. Trust your gut feelings on this one.

[T0052SC]

Here is a site to get recording devices.  They have it all; phone recorders that will time and date stamp, cell phone recorders, audio recorder, and listening devices.
http://www.spytechs.com/index.htm

Try it out.  They will even do next day air.

[Genie]

my state IL is one of them.  Must have 2 party consent. That means you have to have to say "I am recording this conversation" before doing so.  If he doesn't disagree or say NO then you can proceed.

I actually have a MS Word document that I go into and type in date time and conversation as documentation of everything going on. It has come in handy b/c you don't remember stuff that happened 6 mos - a year ago.

[Hardware Queen]

Yes, but as long as it was legally recorded (ie both consented). One way that's legal (I think) is when someone rants into the voice mail/answering machine.

Your transcription idea is a good one for when recorded evidence cannot be used.

[joni]

I'm in Illinois and know of several dads who tape conversations without permission.  Sure...they can't use it in court but have your attorney listen to the PAS and the rants and raves of a crazy BM....and it's a motivator for the atty to get their rear in gear and really become your advocate.  

[Troubledmom]

California Penal Code
631.  (a) Any person who, by means of any machine, instrument, or
contrivance, or in any other manner, intentionally taps, or makes any
unauthorized connection, whether physically, electrically,
acoustically, inductively, or otherwise, with any telegraph or
telephone wire, line, cable, or instrument, including the wire, line,
cable, or instrument of any internal telephonic communication
system, or who willfully and without the consent of all parties to
the communication, or in any unauthorized manner, reads, or attempts
to read, or to learn the contents or meaning of any message, report,
or communication while the same is in transit or passing over any
wire, line, or cable, or is being sent from, or received at any place
within this state; or who uses, or attempts to use, in any manner,
or for any purpose, or to communicate in any way, any information so
obtained, or who aids, agrees with, employs, or conspires with any
person or persons to unlawfully do, or permit, or cause to be done
any of the acts or things mentioned above in this section, is
punishable by a fine not exceeding two thousand five hundred dollars
($2,500), or by imprisonment in the county jail not exceeding one
year, or by imprisonment in the state prison, or by both a fine and
imprisonment in the county jail or in the state prison.

Would you take that chance?

TM