father fighting for custody

[2HimandI]

I feel like if you have written documentation, that is all you need. You and your kid's mother already agreed on custody. Keep all your documentation.

Good luck,
2HimandI

[2HimandI]

My question:

I want to file for joint custody - full if I could get it.....I want to know "What am I in store for?"

I was behind on child support payments, but now I'm cut up. PRAISE THE LORD!!! I want joint custody, full custody.

My son's mother doesn't want to work. Last job she worked, she worked for 1 day. She receives unemployment checks while going to community college; which I heard was illegal. She gets money for going to school- about $1,200 every semister after books. She gets state's assistance, lives in a section 8 house; rent is about $6.00 And, she receives food stamps.

She makes more money than I do. I am so glad I'm through with back pay. I was bringing home $331.00 every two weeks while she wa receiving $301 every two weeks. Check this out though... I have to live off $662 a month ($400 rent, $150 utilities, $$hygeine, $$food, $$transportation, etc).

I want joint custody of my son. I have a two bedroom apartment with my finance. I want to know:

• Should I get a lawyer?
  
• What can I do to improve my chances getting custody?
  
• Should I marry first to improve my chances (off the record)?

Thanks in advance.
2HimandI

[Marsha]

WorriedinMD,

Its true, much depends on the judge, but if the process there is similar to CA's laws...here when we attend mediation the mediator writes a report that gets submitted to your attorneys', and the judge.  There should be a court date coming up very soon?

In our case, when the mediator submits his recommendations...it is counted very heavily by the judge.  Of course, both of you can still argue your case, but say the mediator recommends joint legal and physical...it will be quite hard for an attorney to convince the judge otherwise (it did happen twice in my case...but different history).  So when I go to court, I try to make my best appearance and case to the mediator...knowing he is the link to the judge.

I am not sure why you are focusing your energy on mom's income unless your court date lops custody with child support.  If they are kept separate, then I would leave moms' income alone.  I would try not to bad mouth her at all...I'm not hearing any neglect or serious parenting issues...and the judges get so sick of hearing bickering about the other parent.

Keep your focus on your child, why its in HIS best interests to continue with the status quo.  You absolutely should get joint legal and physical and your attorney should fight tooth and nail for that if the recommendation doesn't recommend it.  Keep the focus on the child.

Personally, I think it would be horrid to significantly change a toddlers' pre-existing schedule IF, he has adjusted well, and seems like a relatively happy, balanced child.

Thats all just my opinion.  Thanks

[*iLUVmySD*]

2HimandI ,

I would start your own topic with your question if you haven't already. Just so it doesn't get missed.

[worriedinmd]

In maryland the mediator can't communicate with the judge. they just send a form to the courts saying that you attended. Child support and Custody is all one hearing

[Giggles]

Does anybody know how I could get relevant crime statistics for a particular neighborhood without going through the police department....I haven't had any luck online. I also wonder if anyone knows of any methods to go about proving someone is lowballing their income if their primary income is tips. I know my ex is only working part time as a nail tech/stylist but I dont' know how to go about proving her income is a joke. She even told me what she actually makes. If anyone can help please, please reply to this post

This seems to be EXACTLY what you might be looking for..

http://www.spotcrime.com/md (http://www.spotcrime.com/md)

[worriedinmd]

Final update and hopefully I won't need to use this site anymore. lol

We settled 3 days before trial. I gave in and agreed to let her get to 50-50 overnights. In return my child is attending the school where I teach, and I have him thursday after school thru sunday at 6 pm and every other wednesday night. I was also having trouble with her income and I don't know if I could have proved it ,but at the settlement conference we pulled her bank statements where she was depositing 2000 a month but her paychecks only totaled 1300. So she was definitely making more tips than she let on. After realizing she was going to have to go to court to fight it she gave up on the support issue. I want to thank everyone on here for all your advice. If it wasn't for the tips of what to research and how to organize, I wouldn't have had nearly as good of a case to intimidate with at settlement. Thanks again to everyone.

[Kitty C.]

I'm glad you've come to an agreement for now, but I would strongly recommend that you keep this site bookmarked and read here frequently.  All that you've dealt with so far is a good indicator of what the future will be like.  She may have 'capitulated' (as she sees it) for now, but as acrimonious as it has been so far, I can about guarantee she will not leave this alone.  She might even go so far as to quit her job just to make sure she can get more money from you.

Now that you've found this site, keep it handy, as you will likely be coming back here frequently, at least until your child reaches the age of majority............

[hallegere1]

Just looking at this thread I should quote my old adage.

"In a he said she said case, he loses."

Do not rise to the bait, remember last time you went fishing, you saw what happened to the ones who rose to the bait.

[worriedinmd]

ok, so it hasn't even been six months since the court order and here I am back again. Already since the court order she has moved again, this time further away. She is complaining that now picking him up at school isn't in the middle and she is inconvenienced by this. On one Sunday a month she wants me to drive him to her which is about an hour away and not the scheduled meeting place in the court order. When I said I would have to think about it she immediately started ranting about how is I couldn't compromise and to this one day a week then I guess we will have to go back to court. I'm wondering what I should do. On the one hand it's not that big of a deal for me to drive him there once a month, but on the other hand if I agree to do this will I be opening up a can of worms on schedule changes which will eventually make the court order meaningless? Also if she just keeps threatening to go back to court every time theres a problem will she actually have a case when it comes to getting things changed or will the court see her as a nuisance?  I'm just wondering what I should do, I want to be reasonable but I don't want to keep getting pushed around. If I agree only verbally to make this drive once a month and she gets nasty later, will the written court order win out or will I be binded to the verbal agreement? I currently have my son 50% of the nights but I get more time with him because she only has him one sunday a month and what amounts to 3 nights a week after school. I also am not paying support which is a good thing. I just don't want to make things on myself but I don't want to open myself up to having to cave to her every whim. Any help on the situation would be appreciated.