Frustrated and confused

[missinmyangels]

I divorced in 04 and have 2 daughters. At our 1st court hearing I was granted temporary custody.  My daughters and I were doing great. We had a very nice house in a nice neighborhood while my ex lived in a substandard house with his parents, brother, sister and her husband, and his mother's cousin. I was still being as cooporative as possible with my ex. I gave my ex extra time with the girls (within reason), I kept the girls in the same school (even though it was further for me to drive) so that they wouldn't have to go through even more changes in such a short time, I did everything I possibly could to do what was best for my daughters even if it wasn't the most convenient for me.

Three months later we had our final hearing. This time my ex brought friends; a former oklahoma senator, and a friend of the judge. The only way that the senator knew my ex was when the two families went to the same church together...when my ex was 4 years old. On the stand however he lied and said that he knew him well.

The friend of the judge entered the court room with the judge from the judge's courters. The were joking together as they came in. Throughout all of this they still were not able to come up with anything against me. My ex's own mother said that she believed I was a good mother.

Unfortunately, the judge granted my ex full custody. My daughters are now 6 and 8 and continually say that they would rather live with me. They and their father still live with his parents, older brother, younger sister, and her husband. Unlike when I had custody my ex doesn't care what is in my daughters' best interest. He NEVER lets me see them outside of what the court order states. He had his own mother in tears one day when she allowed me to pick them up a few hours early one weekend. My standard visitation only allows me the bare minimum of time with my daughters. Immediately after gaining custody they cut both of the girls' hair into a short bob so that they wouldn't have to fix it anymore. In court I tried to explain that his parents' house has excessive amounts of wasps and bees that nest in their attic and also the house, but his attorney argued that this was normal. Well, my oldest daughter showed me a sore on her face last weekend where she was stung be a red wasp just below her eye.

A couple of years ago I received a letter from DHS that someone had made a report that my oldest daughter had bruises from a spanking that supposedly I had given her. I knew this to be untrue and immediately went to DHS to find out what was going on. I went to the DHS office several days in a row until someone was able to meet with me. As it turned out the claim had been made the previous November, but when they had tried to contact my ex he would make no effort to meet with them. So after several attempts they closed the case due to failure to cooperate on his part. They re-opened the case the following February which is when I was first contacted. In the end they closed the case permenantly clearing me of any wrong-doing and forced my ex to put the girls into behavioral counceling. I found out from the case worker that my daughters had become out of control, screaming at and hitting their grandmother and other things.

I then went to my ex and his parents and found it all to be true which I found very disturbing because when my daughters are at my house they don't behave that way and never have. For several months after this I have had to give me ex and his parents intstructions on how to handle and discipline my daughters. From what I'm told things are much better now.

I've spoken with several attorneys regarding my situation, but they all say the same thing. I cannot regain custody unless my ex gets caught doing something wrong. Why does it have to come to that extreme?

I really don't know what I hope to gain from this posting...advice?...support?...I don't know. I just find it sooo hard to believe that although I am a better suited parent, can provide a better living environment, and am more concerned with what is in my daughters' best interest that my ex can keep them just because he was well connected. Is there nothing that can be done against a corrupt judge? Does no one who can help care about what is best for my daughters? I'm not made of money, but I want my daughters back. Is there truly nothing I can do?

[Gestalt]

Unfortunately, without a change of circumstance, there isn't much that you can do. Make sure to document thoroughly for when you do get your chance. This site has a wonderful parenting time tracker that I use religiously.

For emotional support you might try sistersagain. suddenlaunch3. com /index. cgi a site for Moms Without Custody.