multiple problems new to forum

[jgiles80]

I am new to the and I will try and summarize my concerns concisely.

• I have a two year old son, whose paternity is questionable. My wife and I were told we were biologically incompatible, and he could only have been conceived by us at a time that was five to seven days outside of her recorded conception window. We did not return to that ob/gyn office for prenatal care. I did have a motherless test done (pcr) but they only returned results on seven of the sixteen markers that they gauranteed would be tested. I had it reviewed by a sympathetic lab and they stated that it had no legitamacy (they did offer to lower their price from 450.00 to 150.00). That result was inclusive of paternity. Should I require a tro test at the outset of any precedings, or would a motherless test done by a reputable firm suffice (I am trying to keep the matter from being too contentious)?
  
• My wife had met with an attorney this fall without informing me and amongst her qeustions was one of "divorce from bed and board". I found out about the meeting and confronted her and she denied knowing what that meant. Speaking with her further she stated that the attorney told her we would have to declare bancruptcy to separate from where we stand right now. I had told her that I could not prevent her from leaving but that given sufficent time and effort we could clean up our finances and minimize the damage a separation would cause. She agreed but then in December tried to refinance the house and remove me from the deed (she got pretty far before someone at the bank pulled the plug.
  
• Lastly two weeks ago I had found a calender that my wife had recorded a string of infidelyties as well as my having left town, taking ovulation and pregnacy tests. I also have our bank statement that confirms this. It occured in 2004, prior to any mention of divorce or dis satisfaction with the marraige. We were in the process of buying a house that I was paying the down payment out of a small inheritance, we moved into that house two weeks after she had had this affair. In 2005 we had gone to counseling, and I had stated that I believed she would justify seeking affection out side the marraige if she did not get what she wanted. To which she replied "yes I would". I have made her aware of the fact that I have found this calender and that I have the statements that coincide with it. She denies having done anything of the sort. I also gave her a copy but still have the original. What weight does a written record hold as evidence of infidelity ( it is in her own hand and pretty explicet)?
  
• I do not want to lose the equity that I put into the house but the whole situation has drained my attention away from work. Do attornies consult even if you do not necaserrily want to litigate?

Any advice on what to tackle first would be greatly appreiciated.
I am in NC by the way