What are my rights?

[tc0365]

My wife decided that she was no longer happy where we live and decided to go back to living with her mother.

Under the excuse "My dad is sick and needs my help" and "I don't like it here anymore" she took off with my daughter and left me without allowing me to come to an agreement for going back to Puerto Rico where we are originally from.

I did not oppose her leaving but I did not leave her without options to a better resolution of the issue.

When she asked to go back to PR I asked her not to leave so all of the sudden and to wait till our daughter finished her school year which at the time would have ended summer 09'.

I suggested letting our daughter finish the school year and to allow for some time for our house to sell, this was back in Oct 08'. Her response to my plan was met with "I want to leave now ASAP".

I was not happy and to avoid arguments and fights I did not oppose her and allowed her to carry on with her plan.

Most of her problem with me is that we have had recently some financial troubles. These have overwhelmed her because of all the constant credit card companies calling for collecting.

She had been treating me as if I had lied to her about our financial position and issues when in fact I had not. She thought that a company I had hired to help us with the financial issues was nothing but a lie. In fact the financial company turned out to be shoddy at best in the ways of their management of financial issues, and that is a different story.

I am not someone who goes from work to the bar to hang out with friends or even smokes or drinks. I am usually home early from work since my shift is 6AM to 3PM.

I have a steady job and all though my pay has been reduced due to cut backs I'm still making a full time salary. All though a bit tight I was already working on paying back the debts and I still am. I have successfully left the financial company I was working with for our debt issues and have successfully negotiated fair settlements with many of my creditors.

My wife left for PR on December 12 08' and since then I have not been able to see my daughter and it's very hard to reach them because cell phone signal is so bad and the only land line in the house belongs to her aunt and they are usually on the internet using it as dialup so the line is mostly busy at times I can call my daughter.

My best communication has been via letters to my daughter and when I have written letters I am not getting replies from her. that could be many issues but, when I wrote a letter to my daughter explaining to her that I feel sad and I miss her my wife promptly called me telling me not to tell my daughter that I am sad about the whole ordeal.

Well since then I have changed my letters to be more cheerful but communication is still hit or miss and usually via hands free. It's like my wife wants to supervise every word I say.

When she left in Dec 08' it was not implied at any time she wanted a divorce. At the time she was waiting for me to send her a check for the sale of a car she had here and could not sell because of a title issue. After the new title arrived I had a power of attorney and sold the car and mailed her the check. Before the check was ever mailed she called me very angry every day screaming at me that she needed the money for a car so she could get a job.

Well after a few weeks I sold the car and mailed her the check, the very day she got the check and had it in her hands she tells me she's going to divorce me. At this point my world was blown apart because now I feel I have a very slim chance of ever seeing my daughter again and my job and the debts I have keep me here tied down including a house that in this market is becoming harder to sell.

I am so angry and confused because she will call me one day and treat me like crap and some days she will call me all happy and perky like nothing has happened. This woman is driving me literally nuts.
Now it hits me I will have to pay alimony and child support and many other things.
It's not fair that a man that pays his bills and has always provided for his family for over 14 years, that has taken care of her mother in every sense of the word is treated like this. It's as if I had never ever done anything right.
Now I am afraid that if this goes to court she will file in PR and the law in PR typically favors the mother and not the father in custody trials.

I need some help regarding the rights in this situation.

[gemini3]

File first, in your state.  That's really the bottom line.  Don't wait for her to file in PR, and don't make it easy for her.

Your state has jurisdiction because that's where everyone has lived.  Courts don't like it when parents leave and then file from another state in an attempt to keep the child from the other parent.

File first, ask for full custody and child support.  She is abondoning the marriage and keeping your child from you.  You're going to have to get really tough on this or you're going to get screwed.

About your daughter - you really should not rely on her emotionally.  You should not be talking to her about the problems you're having with your wife.  That is totally inappropriate and you will push her away because she is not capable of dealing with that.  It also puts her in a position of feeling like there are sides she must choose between, which is wrong.  If you're having trouble dealing with what's happening in your relationship talk to a friend or counselor, not your daughter.

[tc0365]

File first, in your state. That's really the bottom line. Don't wait for her to file in PR, and don't make it easy for her.

Your state has jurisdiction because that's where everyone has lived. Courts don't like it when parents leave and then file from another state in an attempt to keep the child from the other parent.

File first, ask for full custody and child support. She is abondoning the marriage and keeping your child from you. You're going to have to get really tough on this or you're going to get screwed.

About your daughter - you really should not rely on her emotionally. You should not be talking to her about the problems you're having with your wife. That is totally inappropriate and you will push her away because she is not capable of dealing with that. It also puts her in a position of feeling like there are sides she must choose between, which is wrong. If you're having trouble dealing with what's happening in your relationship talk to a friend or counselor, not your daughter.

Thank you for your response.

As far as relying on my daughter emotionally i dont do that. All i did was tell her i missed her and that i was very sad about not being able to be with her. But as for the situation i have not told my daughter any of the sort. I understand this is not a sides choosing game or issue. I however did tell her that i missed her and that it made me very sad. That is something i never thought i would have to guard against. But for the moment i am trying to keep it on the positive side as well.

Again Many Thanks