Need some quick advise ... Please reply

[superdad01]

In my previous thread I had mentioned being laid off from work and etc and now I am being called back to work.

The problem is that my 3rd shift crew has been eliminated and I due to my senority I will be returning to work on  2nd shift instead of 3rd. We will be working four 10 hr days starting at 4pm -2:30am. With our daughter being in school now there would be no avaible time for parenting time like I had before.

This creates many problems for my parenting time schedule as it will now eliminate my weekday parenting time and I would only be avaible for parenting time every other weekend. I'm sure mother will be thrilled, but as far as working togther to come up with a solution I'm sure that will not be possible.

So what should I do. Should I inform FOC of my new times? My schdule has changed before and we just rolled with it, and when the child started school that eliminated some of my parenting time as well. We just let it go, but now I just don't want anything held against me. Any missed time through changes in our schedule has never been this drastic. 

I realise this schedule would not allow me equal time with the child as I would not be their at all. So I don't understand what any benefits of going back to court would be? 

Most importantly if my circumstances should change again (which I am sure they will) I do not want this parenting time missed to be held against me if I inturn lose my job through indefinate layoff (which is almost a sure thing as of now. Mother is famous for saying I just don't show up or I am consistantly late.... Question is how can I cover my ass?

Also I am now registered through TRA... which is a special program for those who lose their job which will pay for us to go to school for 2 years and pay us unemployment for 2 years while we get some type of degree to get back into the workforce.  Since mother is finally working or at least held a job as a registered nurse This would be about the only ideal time to petition the court for shared custody. With me not working I would be ready and avaible for shared parenting (which was not likely with my previous work schedule) and with mother imputed at a reasonable nurses wage and a big cut in my wages through my unemployment compensation I could probally survive finacially.

Sorry for the book.... Hope someone can help me out.

[gemini3]

Does your current order have anything in it regarding changes to the order? 

I think the best thing to do would be to request a modification of the visitation order because the current one is no longer workable.  I think that should be a pretty easy thing to do.  You should be able to get some kind of modification that protects as much of your parenting time as possible.

If you have to miss visitation because of your work schedule you should be asking for make-up time.  One of the things the courts expect of parents is that they do what they can to foster the relationship between the child and the NCP.

My (non-attorney) suggestion is this:

1.  Notify your ex of your change in work schedule, and suggest a revised visitation schedule.
2.  If she denies your request, file a motion to modify visitation with the court.
3.  While you wait for that to go through you should notify your ex, in writing, prior to every visitation period you will have to miss due to your work schedule.  In the notification you should request make-up for the time you missed.  Document this, and her response, and something to prove that you were at work every time.
4.  When you go to court show them all the time that you have missed due to work, and that she has been unwilling to work with you so that your child could see his/her father.  Request make-up time be awarded for the time you had to miss due to your work schedule, and that the current schedule be revised.  Have a suggestion drawn up and ready.

[superdad01]

Your suggestions sound great however the problem is the work hours themselves. If I am working 4pm until 2:30am that basically eliminates every possible hour or parenting time avaible in a day. Our daughter does not get home from school until 4pm. I have no idea where any make-up time would be avaible because according to any reasonable guidelines I am not avaible for it due to the work schedule. I doubt that would take away mother's weekends because that is the only time that would benefit the child that I would not be working.

I have a feeling that I will not be working much longer so when I am no longer working seems to be the ideal time to request a modification. Due to the economy I don't see things picking up anytime soon. I just need to cover my butt for the time being until it happens I suppose.

[Marsha]

How long do you anticipate working the new schedule...before you get the unemployment deal?

What are mom's work hours...is she able to care for the child after school on your workdays?

What has been your visitation schedule up until now?  How much time will you 'lose'?  And, is this visitation schedule what is in the court order?

You said four days a week, which days of the week?

[superdad01]

Honestly I don't know how long I will be working, but I am guessing not more than a couple months at best.

I think mom is still unemployed. She was working as a rn but she quit.... I think she works at a temp nurse agency. So if she does work I have no idea of her hours.

Court oder was made before child was in school. WHen child went to school I lost 40 hrs of parenting time per month right there. I was working 3rd shift at the time and my times were
week1
mon 4pm -8pm
tues 11am - 8pm
wed off
thurs 4pm -8pm
Fri 4pm - sun at 6pm

week 2
mon 4pm - 8pm
Tues 11am - 5pm
Wed 4-pm 8pm
Thurs - sun off

So I had quite a bit of parenting time. Just not the overnights because I was working 3rd shift at the time.

new work schedule is mon - thursday.

Possibly If I was granted every thursday night that is the only thing I could see avaible for now. but that's not enough.

[gemini3]

I don't see why it's unreasonable for you to have some time on the weekends.  If the mother is not working she has time with the child during the week. 

[MixedBag]

I can see Mom's reply though because the child is in school.  If the child's time with Mom is during the week, they never have a full day together.  They have evenings after school.

Dad, I suggest you ask for a modification -- and maybe the solution is to ask for all but one weekend a month.

Good luck!

[awakenlynn]

I know it doesn't replace the full time you had with your daughter because of your work situation, but at least it looks to be for just a few months.  I would do as the others advised on this post, but maybe talk to the school and do lunch with your child at school once or twice a week and talk to your child's teacher and see if you can be a "room dad"?  It would let you have some time with your daughter even if its not the night time visits and would show the court how serious you are about finding even a few minutes here and there to be in her life until your work schedule is a bit more in your favor.

Lynn

[Marsha]

Hi,

You said your new schedule is 4pm on, and thats Monday through Thursday...how do you gather you have Thursday nights free?  Just trying to be clear here.

I don't have much more to offer.  I liked the suggestion of going for a modification.  And the idea of proposing three weekends a month.  However, I would ask for something the empty weekend so its not two weeks once a month, that you don't see each other.  So maybe a Friday night that weekend.  Or two weekends a month...Friday and you take child to school in the morning, and the other weekends...one overnight. 

Part of this is clarifying in court that this schedule is temporary...and what the future looks like, and to negotiate a more balanced schedule for that time.

Do you have court ordered mediation in your state?  If so, then you and mom can discuss your schedules then.   The hope would be that it gets written in the order a temp schedule, and a more long term revised schedule.  ?

[superdad01]

Whoops I guess I meant Friday nights free....

Yea i still do luch with my daughter a few days a week now. Now that she is in first grade they don't really want parents in the class because it distracts the kids more.

My fear is asking for a modification and then being granted less COURT ORDERED TIME THEN I HAVE NOW AND THEN THAT BEING HELD THE NEW STANDARD WHEN MY WORK SITUATION CHANGES AGAIN IN WHICH I WILL BE UNEMPLOYED. THE FOC LADY ALREADY SAID MY LAST WORK SCHEDULE CHANGE IN WHICH I LOST 40HRS PER MONTH OF PARENTING TIME WAS NOT A LEGITIMATE CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCE. SHE DID HOWEVER RAISE MY CHILDSUPPORT DUE TO MY HIGHER INCOME BUT  WE NEVER PURSUED THAT FURTHER IN COURT SO NOTHING HAPPENED. I JUST ATE MY LOST PARENTING TIME.

Yes we do have mediation and we have went through it before, but mom diden't stick to what she agreed to do.

My income has also risen since the last order, and now I don't really want to go through with a modification because I can see them raising the child support as well. Since my circumstances will be changing again fairly quickly I can't risk a heavier monkey on my back then I curently have. Don't know if the judge would like seeing me back in there so quicly as well. So I suppose he could refuse to lower my just raised childsupport.

That's what happened the last time I asked for a parenting time modification But since that last time in front of the parenting time lady Mom got certified as a RN and she was working but now I don't know if she is or not.... I don't believe she will have a full year of work on her w-2's so I am still trying to figure our how to play that situation. I know her Nursing licence expires in March 2009. I assume she is going to renew it.

Since I am likely to be unemployed soon, and the unemployment for 2 years plus in my back pocket plus 2 years of paid schooling I think that would be the ideal situatuation for me to get Joint physical custody as I have secondary physical custody now. (fancy words for nothing) also I think losing a job would be an offical change in cirumstance and now that I have no job schedule in my way I would have more then enough time to spend equally with our daughter.

of course I am nervous about being the unemployed father going back to court but what can ya do... lol