(big sigh) Where to begin? I need help please.

[[email protected]]

Ok, here we go.  I don't know how or where to start, so I'll just blurt some things out if that's ok...

I live with the Mother of my two children, our kids are 5 and 3; but we are not married.  From here on out, I will refer to the Mother of my children as Satan.

Long Story Short?

Satan loves her children I know.  But she is not mentally or physically capable of being a RESPONSIBLE PARENT.

She has been physically abusive towards me in the past, to the point that she was arrested for it.   (I finally had to start documenting it)

This is after she fraudulently filed a restraining order against me.  (which was later dropped due to her not following up with it)  She claimed I was the abusive one and she feared for herself and the kids.

This was a complete joke, since she is the one; and she only did it because she found out I was seeking the help of an Attorney.

She has since been better with her demeanor and has been able to control herself physically, but the amount of VERBAL ABUSE has increased dramatically; and the fact that she does it in front of our children does not sit well with me.

To try and keep this short (which is probably too late),  She pays for her half of rent and maybe buys milk every once in awhile; but does not help out with anything else financially.  She will not initiate any type of extra curricular activity with the children and is completely unstable.

I honestly believe she has mulitple personalities.  I'm not a Doctor, and I don't have a degree; but I know right when it's right and wrong when it's wrong.

First of all, she has a part time job!  I've been reduced to taking a Security job since the Mortgage industry isn't what it once was.

Her lack of participation in paying her half of the "daily bills" has been a huge burden.  I actually have to borrow money from family because she won't help buy grocieries and help make ends meet.  She has lied to the State of Cal. in order to obtain health insurance.  Won't help out by brushing the Childrens Teeth unless we argue about it, won't feed them properly.  (chopped bologna, celery and carrots one day.  Cut up hot dogs and celery and carrots the next day.  Yogurt as a meal.) etc...  Giving them candy at every corner.  bla, bla, bla.  She doesn't clean, doesn't cook, won't do laundry.  (now when i say this I don't mean NEVER)  Every once in awhile she will come home with a Gallon of Milk, or she might sweep the kitchen floor; or maybe have an epipheny and empty the dishwasher.  But maybe she participates about 10% of the time.

I filed my 2008 Fed. and State Tax returns as the Head of Household and claimed both kids.  This didn't sit well with her, but she doesn't get it.  She is always threatening me with Harm from her family.  (Mexican)  We live close to TJ,where she is from (American citizen now) and hasn't recently started threatening to take the kids and I would never see them again.  (this has me disturbed greatly)

Now, I'm sure most Dads will say this but i will say it anyway.  I am a great dad.  I have some faults, but who doesn't?  Honestly?  I would rank myself in the top percentile among fathers, and I would and can say it convincingly; with actions of my past to back it up.  Plenty of people to support it also.

I could go on and on about her total lack of responsibilities, but I have probably already lost 75% of my readers; so I won't.

I can't "financially" live without her half of the rent.  But don't let her "half" fool you.  it is only about 1/4 of the total monthly bills.  ATLEAST  I don't have frivilous expenses, and I don't think our means of living or expenditures are over the top; I think they are normal everyday expenses that will help our children mature socially and physically the right way.

WHAT DO I NEED?  I need to have custody of the children and get child support from Satan.  We could make it if I got child support.  Her Negativity and abusive language is hurting our children.

(ahhhhhhhh sigh)))))) Soo much more.....am I rambling?

So, my question is; can someone point me in the right direction?  Honestly, I want to be sneaky about it and then have it sprung on her, because I think if she found out she would bolt for Mexico.

[Kitty C.]

If you can wait 82 days, she won't be able to cross the border without passports for each child.  And she cannot obtain passports for each child unless you sign for it also.  That's a federal law, to keep parents from absconding with children to a foreign country.  And in 82 days, everyone will need a passport to leave the US, no matter what country they go to.

[janM]

Are you legally the kids' dad? AOP or birth certificate signed? DNA?

If not, she may be able to get passports without you.

File for paternity, custody, and child support and a restraining order to keep her from moving the kids pending a hearing.

You may have trouble getting full custody if she has been the main caregiver, and without real proof of her unfitness. Even if you did, don't count on getting CS from her.

[Davy]

I have to ask.  The family is probably not accustomed to using a port of entry.  Does her family have the way and means to help her locate the children in Mexico ?

Will she comply with court orders ?

You should be aware that there are many children in the states that never again see their excellent fathers  once removed from their home to another state by an abusive mother.

Focus on the well-being of the children and protect them at all cost.  Hopefully the children
will have two rational parents in the future.

[awakenlynn]

If her behavior is bad, try putting some nanny cams in the house that can record sound, just in the public areas--living room, kitchen, so forth.  Keep written documents on everything.  IS her bills spelled out on paper, if so, keep track of what she is and isn't paying.  Get documents showing you are the father.  Start looking for a smaller place, even just 1 bedroom (for the kids) and you get a sleep sofa.  Try and do everything at once.  If you are a named father, you are able to take the kids with you just as easily as she can, so be careful but if you NEED to move out, they need to move out with you too.  Make sure you have an attorney for when she starts pulling stunts since you know she will.  Make sure you sleep on the couch or something so that is she starts yelling abuse you can pull out the nanny cam tapes.  Document everything! and be ready for a fight if the 2 of you split.

[janM]

If you are a named father, you are able to take the kids with you just as easily as she can, so be careful but if you NEED to move out, they need to move out with you too.

This may be incorrect, depending on his state (CA?). In some states, once dad is declared legal dad, both parents have equal custody rights when unmarried. In most, Mom has custody until a court says otherwise. So he could get in trouble for taking the kids - kidnapping, or custodial interference.

He needs to check with the local court, or get a consult with a local attorney.

I'm not sure about the legality of the nanny cam, either...

[Davy]

She is always threatening me with Harm from her family.  (Mexican)  We live close to TJ,where she is from (American citizen now) and hasn't recently started threatening to take the kids and I would never see them again.  (this has me disturbed greatly)

I understand .... and hold out hope for ya'll.  Be cautious !