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14 Year old who wants to move back home with mom

Started by threehearts, Mar 24, 2009, 10:45:19 PM

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First of all I live in Ontario Cananda, so not sure if anyone can help.  I have a 14 yr old daughter who has been living with her father and wife for almost 7 yrs now. She does not want to be living with her father (never really has), but do to issues with an ex her father was awarded custody I was in court the last time when she was s till 11 and the court ruled that she would stay where she was. my daughter is scared of hurting her father, but has told him that she wants to live with me and my children, but he says she doesn't know what she wants and she is only throwing attitude because she does not want to do chores such as cleaning her room or littler box. they are a few issues that I am concerned about but not sure if I should report them to CAS, such as she is 14 and has no door on her room and her room is used as a hallway(what I mean by this is her dad lives in the apt above his parents house and they have a door that connects the apt to the downstairs of the house and in order to get from the apt to the house you have to walk through my daughter's room. they live ona  farm and have been having issues witht heir water where their well went dry and they have to have water trucked in via storage tanks so because of this she isn't always able to shower on a regular basis. she has two younger boy siblings with her dad and they are always getting into her stuff and are not disciplined for it and she feels that her dad gives them more attention than her.  my daughter and I have always been close  and she has always wanted to be with me the last time we were in court they were suppossed to get her a children's lawyer but instead they assigned a social worker and he thought that since she was doing ok in school she shouldn't be uprooted, but at that time I lived in a different city. I now live in the same city and am just alittle bit closer to her school than her dad. My daughter's step mom has told her to leave on 2 different occasions and when I call the police to see if I can go and get her when she is told to get out they call her dad and ask him if I can come get her and he of course says no. he will not allow her to come and live with me even though she is unhappy. what I'm trying to find out is if she were to walk out of her dad's house and come to mine without it going to court can the police enforce the excisting court order and make her go back to her father's. any advice that anyone can give will be most helpful I am so stressed and worried about what to do to help her.


I'm in Ontario as well. Some of your information and issues sound familiar to me. My stepdaughter (sd) is 14 as well. I also have an 11yo sd.

First of all, I'm afraid I wouldn't even bother with CAS regarding not having a door on her room or not showering frequently. While I agree that it's not appropriate for a teenage girl (my sds don't have doors on their room at their mother's house), it's not abuse or even neglect. They have bigger fish to fry, unfortunately, and even some of those kids fall through the cracks.

Since it's been 3 years since you've been to court, you can petition for a custody change. Or even a 50/50 arrangement. Get a lawyer - you won't do well without one. If you live near dad and/or near the school, that works in your favour. The key here, given your daughter's age, is your daughter. She is not allowed to "choose", per se, where she wants to live, but she does have a voice. The trick is to use it wisely. If she says she wants to live with you because she doesn't like her chores, or her stepmom, or her room at your house is nicer, that's not going to fly. She needs to make a mature, informed statement regarding her relationship with you and her siblings at your house, her schoolwork and homework, that kind of thing.

Regarding the police, I don't know what they will do. It seems that sometimes they enforce court orders and sometimes they don't. I think, again, a lot of that depends on the child. If there are major issues and the child is screaming and crying and threatening to harm themselves if they have to "go back there", they likely won't enforce. I've never been through that (yet).

My sd, when she was 12 or 13, told her mother she wanted to move here fulltime. Her mother said no way. I know sd doesn't like it at her mother's, doesn't get along with her mother's longtime live-in boyfriend, but she's learned to accept things as they are and find the positive. DH didn't fight for custody, mainly because of our youngest girl, who has no desire to change the living arrangements. If I were you, I'd get a lawyer, a good one, and consult with him/her about your chances.

Good luck!


I am not a person who is able to give u advice.All i can say is that i can say is 2 is that i will pray for u and i hope this helps