Moving to another state and ss13 wants to come with...

[redchaise]

My husband is being transfered for his work from Indiana to Arkansas.  We currently have joint physical custody of his two sons from a previous marriage, with us having the boys M and T, their mom having them W and Th, and alternating Fri - Sun.  My 16 year old step son would like to stay in Indy (he will be a sophmore and has a very promising future at Lacrosse) but my 13 year old step son is adiment that he come with us. 

We have attempted to communicate with his mother about this to see if we can come to some kind of agreement but she has ignored all of our communications on our court ordered Sharkids.com website.  Because we have to move mid-June, we are starting to feel an urgency around getting the ball rolling on getting custody changed.  DH and I wrote up a schedule that we felt was very liberal, sending ss13 home once a month plus most all of the holidays, only alternating Christmas and Thanksgiving.

We are looking for some suggestions on how to proceed.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Also, if there are any recommendations for attorneys in Indianapolis.

Thank you all so much for your help!  Your website has been such a godsend to us over the years!

[redchaise]

After reading more posts I wanted to give you some more information.

SS13 has no friends currently.  He goes to a small school that only has a few other boys in the class and they are all a bit backwards.  He is also a bit behind the eight ball because his older brother is this gragarious, outgoing socialite who is fabulous at sports and girls fawn all over him.  SS13 feels like his is constantly in his shadow and he is.  Their mom won't agree to him going to a different school, so he is always "Pat's brother" instead of "Sam".  As soon as we told them we were moving he has not waivered one bit in his desire to go. 

The other contributing factor is that my husband and I have a 4 year old daughter and she and ss13 are really, really attached.  The thought of being away from her and not watching her grow up is very painful to him.  And our daughter would be lost without him.  I know courts don't take additional children into consideration, but this is just to help you understand one of the reasons ss13 really wants to move with us.

Thanks!

[ocean]

The real issue will be splitting the boys up. The courts do not like that..BUT
You need to petition the court for custody AND at the same time ask for a Law Guardian for SS. This person will talk to SS and tell the courts his wishes plus he may be able to testify. You really need to get this started as it takes weeks to get into court and you may have to go to court a few times to get it straightened out or go to trial over it. If BM gets a lawyer it would be better so a lawyer could tell her that at 13, SS does have some say with the courts...
Good luck!

[tigger]

The real issue will be splitting the boys up. The courts do not like that..BUT

Do you really think that'll impact this situation?  Splitting up a 16 and 13 year old is a lot different than splitting up a 3 and 6 year old.  The 16 year old will be out of high school and away at college in less than two years anyway.

No experience with this but that's what I'm thinking. 

[MomofTwo]

That will be a factor, but the bigger factor will be taking the child away from Mom.  The courts will hear a 13 year old, but they are the ones moving, not Mom.  Why should she be relegated to one weekend a month (or if it were reversed - Dad) because they are moving. I would anticipate Mom filing for a custody change.   They have to show how this move is in the child's best interest and moving the child away from where he has grown up, established in school, and removing him from Mom and his brother is in his best interest.   And I am sorry, a HUGE thing such as taking the child away to another state is not best handled on sharekids.com.  Maybe had you talked to Mom, you would have gotten further.  How would you like to go from seeing your child almost every day to one weekend a month and alternating holidays?