Old enough to choose, but does that ever really happen?

[zebradelta1318]

I live in  Denton County Texas. My 15 year old son wants to live with me. His primary residence with is mother is only 12 miles away.

In Texas a child 12 years old or older may "choose" who establishes his primary residence. But, from what I can tell this Choice of Managing Conservator document doesn't hold much weight.

I'm NOT trying to take him away from his mother because she is a bad mother. I'm NOT calling into  question her basic parenting skills. It's not like that at all. We've been VERY happily divorced for almost 8 years now. We've both re-married and moved on. For the most part we have been able to co-parent very successfully, but my son has come to a point in his life (he'll be a freshman in HS this year) where he wants to live with his dad. He feels like there is no one better to show him how to be a man than me. I see him every other weekend and one night a week; six weeks in the summer and holidays. His mother says the solution to this is for me to spend more time with him. I can't spend anymore time with him unless he lives with me. Does he want me to camp out on her front yard?

She's not budging on the issue. I don't want to take her to court, but it might look like I have to. If I do, what will happen? I don't "have" anything on her. Like I said before, for the most part she's a good mom. She's not nearly as strict on homework as I am and my son has managed to pass Jr. High without EVER passing a math class. Plus she let's him get away with more than I would. I have a 17 year old step-son who has already been through the trials and tribulations that my son is about to go through. The last 2 years have been hell, but he has come out of it GREAT!! He has a good job and is concentrating on his future. My son says his step-brother is a real role model for him and he looks up to him a great deal.  Whenever my son starts to argue with me or disrespect me my step-son steps in and says "more files with honey"!!  

I don't want this to turn into a battle. Has anyone ever been through this? I've spoken to an attorney and it seems that it's not a simple as it should be. We'd have to mediate (waste of time) then we'd have a Parenting Evaluation to see who's the better parent. It's not about whose the better parent really - it's about who he wants to live with.

[nosonew]

My son chose to live with his dad in January (before school started again) and I allowed it. His dad and i have the same relationship you and your ex do. No major issues, etc. His dad lives 80 miles away.

It's too bad she can't see what your son wants. That is the issue at hand. (since you are both good parents).

Could the issue have to do with CS? My ex and I worked it out where we are both happy with the arrangement. He pays no cs, I pay no cs but pay for school supplies, clothes, car insurance, etc. Perhaps $$ is an issue here. What if you offerred for her not to pay any cs and just help out here and there with other expenses?

Good luck...I hope it works out for you.

[joni]

Generally speaking, age is only one of the factors weighed by the court.

Your problem may lie in that this is the only factor changing, other than this, the child's wishes, there is no substantial change in circumstance; ergo, the court wouldn't entertain your case anyway.

Rather than take a leap from "you're the custodial parent" to "I'm the custodial parent" how about reapproaching your Ex and propose another scenario....shared parenting?

food for thought.................

One week with you, one week with her.  BM can retain the physical custody title for school purposes or whatever.  Offer to continue to pay her child support, usually this will tip the balance into her favor with you.

[dipper]

From what I have seen my dh go through with this - think of anything you can use against her.  Because if she is not agreeing and you take it to court, alot of mess is going to fly.  Last year, my dh's ex moved two hours away - cutting out his 50% time with his youngest.  We were not married at the time.  The son (12) wanted to stay here and she would not hear of it.  DH had stated that he was not questioning her parenting  but ss wanted to remain here and he felt it was for the best.  DH could not afford an attorney but went to court anyway - and she and her lawyer lied so much about dh.  He was totally blindsided never expecting the crap that was thrown in there.....

Needless to say - he had yss over 50 % of the time before her move and his oldest had lived with him for three years - since his parents split - yet the judge went along with her game and denied dh custody.  

I know you dont want to battle, but if you are going to court, you must prepare as if that is exactly what you want....

Good luck and I hope she comes around....

[Kitty C.]

For modification, it's always based on 'a significant change of circumstance', specifically with the CHILD.  Well, in this case, it is the CHILD who has had a change of mind, or circumstance if you want to call it that.  This has come about because of a change instigated BY THE CHILD.  That would be the argument I would push for.

As for shared custody, that would also be a good idea.  But with the differences in parenting styles and what is expected of the child, there is the potential of problems there, too.  As for the child's reason WHY he wants a change, it certainly is legit and cannot be tossed aside easily by a judge.l

[amazinggrace]

my ss was 13, and he had lived with us in California since he was three.  His mother moved to Texas when he was 7, and when he was 13 CSE caught up with her.  She called social services to make an abuse allegation and then took us to court for custody.  The lawyer here said that it would all depend on who ss wanted to live with, and that was the way it went.  He wanted to stay with us, and told the evaluator so.  She recommended that everything stay the same and the judge kind of automatically went along with her.  Our lawyer told my dh that he could get visitation reduced based on the false allegations and some very nasty remarks that his ex made to their son, but my husband choose not to do that.  I do believe that if you persue it and your son says he wants to live with you, that's what will happen.

[mango]

Can't you just do Week to week.

Seems to me kids always want to change custody when they turn into the teens.

Seems like a can of worms, and a big waste of money.

Six months later he may want to go back to moms afterall....