Ex may try to file for change in custody - but where ? *LONG*

[gander627]

This is my first post here and I know it is a huuuuge long one, but if you can please be patient !   My ex-wife has been complaining lately that she is going to file for a change in custody to get more visitation time or unsupervised visitation time with our daughter.  

Quick as I can make it history:  my daughter is 13 yrs old now, and when she was born I was 18yrs old, her mother was 16 yrs old.  We got married shortly thereafter, but separated about 2 yrs later.  The was all in the state of Maryland.  Being young and tempermental I would never file for divorce because my ex wanted me to pay for the court costs, which I refused to do because it was her who was responsible for our split.  I would have stayed married, or so i thought, but she decided she was too young for the husband and kid thing and decided she would keep partying and "dating" ....crazy and very upsetting.  

Finally I did catch her in bed w/someone and that was it, I asked her to leave and she did.  We went to court, this time in Delaware because we had both moved there (we lived on the border of MD & DE, literally) and had joint custody arranged and things went ok for a few years, until my daughter was 3.   So we lived separate lives, and my ex went on to have other relationships and sadly other kids with different men.  She did not really want to raise my dtr full time let alone her other kids, so joint was fine with her.  

Then I asked for full custody. I had my dtr with me about 75-80% of the time anyway.  Her new boyfriend did not like other men's kids being around.  I thought my ex would care less, but She went off the deep end, and said no and we went to court again.  The court never said I did anything wrong, but did say I did not have the financial means at the time to provide full time care for my dtr. (yet i could pay child support ?!?)  I was 21 years old, and my job was not great. So the court would just uphold the original order for joint custody.  This went on another year, I kept re-petitioning.  This was still in Delaware.  

My ex had placement rights and she was tired of the court thing and tired of my dtr.  so she called her mother in a state 600 miles away (Florida) and asked her to take my dtr.  Her mother agreed, and my ex sent her there.   This happened without my knowledge or consent.  I spent about 4-6 months tracking down my ex's family and friends and found out where my dtr was.  I had no idea where they sent her.  I had her registered for kindergarten and when I went to my ex's place to pick up her up for my 3 weeks and to start school the next week, she was GONE !!!   I was literally going nuts.  My ex told me that is what she decided and i should just deal with it and leave my dtr alone !!!   I think she was angry that I would not pay the divorce court costs and for anything else she wanted money for, so this was her very childish way of trying to punish me.    I petitioned the court again and they upheld the joint order and basically said it was my problem to travel 600 miles and "visit" my dtr, and that since my ex had placement rights it was her right to decide where it was "best" for my dtr to live.   My ex abandoned my dtr, and shipped her off to Florida, to live with my ex mother-in-law (mil)   Her mother soon could not keep her life together either.   My ex mil was a wild woman too, an alcoholic.  
 
I never stopped trying for custody and meanwhile I did get a better job offer, met someone and ran to file for the long overdue divorce, in Maryland.    The ex was happy about that and so was I.  I did not contest the custody order in Delaware at that time.  I had a plan and step one was to get the divorce over quickly and cleanly, since my dtr was not living with either of us at the time.  Of course by now, I knew where my dtr was because I had tracked down my ex mil and kept contact.  
  I was in constant contact with my dtr via phone and visits and with my ex mother in law (mil) in Florida.  I wound up moving to Michigan for a job and that is where my fiance's family and her were from.   They have a big extended family and are close.  We both have good jobs now.  

  My ex mil never heard from my dtrs mother.  My dtrs mother got into drugs and her life was spinning out of control (i suspected this was going on for a long time).My ex was arrested in downtown Baltimore, Maryland for having huge marijuana growing operation that she & her boyfriend were running.  She lost custody of her youngest chld (the boyfriend's kid)  because the 18 mo old was found in the middle of the city street shoeless.  A neighbor had called the police.  When they took the child  up to her apartment to talk to the parents...well they found my ex passed out surrounded by her pot factory.  it was on the news and in papers...it was huge.  210 plants and nearly 1.5 million in drugs came out of that apartment.  it was sad for her other kids.....needless to say I was glad that my dtr was not with her mother during this time...and ...my ex mil felt I had gotten my life together and her own dtr had not.  My ex mil had sobered up, and become a born again christian, and felt children should be with their parents (gee what a novel idea)......I told her I wanted to raise my girl full time and I was planning to get married and was engaged. My fiance supported me 100 % in all of this....i mean emotionally......anyway....my ex mil, who I had always kept in contact with, and who had sent my daughter to spend summers with me in Michigan for 2 years, now sent my dtr to live with me, and I had told her as soon as my dtr was with me permanently I was filing for an emergency custody order in Michigan.  

 I ran to a lawyer.   I filed the motion and was granted it, mostly based on the fact that my ex had not called, written or visited my dtr in > 2 years, and the events of her recent arrest, and the fact that she sent my dtr to Florida without my knowledge or consent.   I filed for sole custody and this time had a family law specialist - a man who specialized in father's rights, plead my case.   My ex was in jail about 1 month.  I have no idea on the earth how, except with a lot of tears and sad stories and snitching on her drug friends, but she was only sentenced to PROBATION for 7 years.   Anyway my case went to court.  My ex never showed up or even contacted the court in writing.  My ex never asked her probation officer for permission to attend the hearing.  My case was in front of the judge 5 whole minutes....a female judge mind you....and I WON !   by this time my dtr had been living with me and my new wife for nearly 1 year.  She was 8 yrs old.  

Well now time flies and I am still married to my same wife and my wife has raised my dtr as her own.  My ex was awarded only "SUPERVISED VISITATION TIME DEEMED REASONABLE BY THE FATHER"  and the order said "SUPERVISION TO BE DETERMINED BY THE FATHER"  I waved all request for child support.   There was NO order saying I had to let my ex see my dtr at all if I felt she was a danger in anyway to my dtr.   I do know however it is not good for the child to be kept from her parent.  Whenever we go back to my hometown in Maryland to visit my family/mother, we notify my ex and she can make arrangements to visit my dtr.  I go along and supervise.  My dtr never spends overnights and is not without me or another adult of my chosing when she sees her mother.  My ex constantly lies to my dtr and tells her that I have restraining orders on her, and orders from the court that say she is not allowed to call our house..etc  all sorts of crazy stories.  This is because my ex DOES NOT CALL OR WRITE MY DTR MORE THAN 4 TIMES A YEAR, and for a few years that would have been considered excessive.  

So, now in the last 2 years my ex is raising a stink about this and still is not making contact with my dtr much more, but when we are in Maryland and she sees our dtr, she is screaming how unfair it all is.  the bottom line is that she pretty clearly does not want to have my dtr living with her, but wants her to spend a few weeks here and there with her.  
Although it grinds me, I would not be opposed to it except for a few reasons.  
 my ex is still with the same druggie boyfriend.  My ex is still doing drugs, it is plainly obvious in her appearance, etc.  I think she was mostly clean on probation but her probation is over.  my ex has a place of her own and yet also lives 1/2 time in Philadelphia, in a not good section, with the drug dealer boyfriend.  my ex suddenly has money coming out of her ears ...if you know what i mean.....and works as a shift supervisior/waitress at a burger joint in Delaware.......My ex hangs around many friends of hers who are either in jail, just out of jail, druggies, hippies, etc.  My ex denies all of this, says she does not live with her boyfriend, etc.  She says "come to my house and see I have cleaned my act up"  well i know it is a huge lie because I hired someone , a professional, and they tailed her and found out all of this and gave me proof....she has a rowhouse in Philly with utilities in her name and there are ppl in and out of there all hours of the night according to my source.

....my dtr also looks much older than 13 and my ex's boyfriend is well....weird ...and they both like to hold some crazy orgy parties or so I have heard.....so over my dead body is my dtr spending much time in any place of theirs.

well its a free country and my ex claims she is filing for change in custody/visitation.  She told me this last month when we were in Maryland and she spent 5 whole hours with my dtr that she had filed papers.  I asked her in what state ?  she said Maryland !   I am thinking ...what ??? My dtr, myself, my wife etc we are all full time residents of Michigan.  The last custody order that was valid before the one granted in 2000 in Michigan was one in Delaware in about 1994.

  why the hell would she file this in Maryland ???? Can it have any bearing on us ?  Will Maryland file it with Michigan ? how does all of this work ?   I thought she would have to file with Michigan family court in order to change anything......and wouldn't she have to do a good deal of proving that her circumstances had changed significantly ??
Also would the fact that she does not have custody of her other 2 kids from 2 other dads have any effect on a case regarding my dtr ?  one of her kids' custody was taken by the state and given to the boyfriend's mother !    

to add to the fun, my dtr being 13, is now getting more and more emotional about all of this and dramatic.  She used to feel mostly angry with her mother for letting things happen this way and sending her to live in FL, but now being a emotional hormonal teen, her mother is really getting her stirred up and trying to make me out to be the villan,  and how UNFAIR i am to keep my ex from having my dtr for weeks in the summer.   of course being 13,  my dtr would love to be somewhere where she can run rampant with no rules !! (I think that is mostly what is running through her 13 yr old brain)

oh I forgot to add....the Michigan judge ruled that the mother had no rights to the joint custody w/placement rights,  originally given in Delaware,  because she had forfeited this when she illegally sent my dtr to live in Florida with my ex mil, without my consent or knowledge, back in 1996 !!   My ex is also trying to tell me that my custody order in Michigan means nothing because it was me who violated the Delaware order by moving to Michigan and having my ex mil send my dtr to live with me !!!     The judge was not happy to read how my ex had no contact with her dtr for a bit over 2 years !!!  

If you read it all this far, please give me any help you can.......

[smtotwo]

This is only my opinion and not legal advice having stated my disclaimer this is what I think...

If she never contested the move then she submitted to michigans jurisdiction.  

Anything she files must be files in Michigan.

If she files in any other state I'd ask Socrateaser how to proceed.  
Because you don't want to file a response with another state
and end up submitting to their jurisdiction.


Good Luck

[gander627]

Thanks for your reply.  I did exactly as you suggested and asked Socrateaser how to proceed, although to this day I still have not received any papers from anywhere saying she filed a thing.  She has talked about filing for a change in visitation before, like maybe the last 3 years and has not made an effort to do so.  Still, something in her voice this year caught me as odd, like she finally had motivation to do it, so I thought I should be prepared.  

Just FYI, no she did not contest the move.  She actually did not know about the move for a while just before it happened, because no one knew exactly where she was or could get a hold of her.  Her mother finally tracked her down and told her and she was pretty blah about it, like "oh ok I guess"

Even since we have lived in Michigan for 5 years she really has not brought up distance as an issue.  I believe she does not want my dtr to live with her - it could cramp her style and leave her less spending money !  She has 3 kids, only one is mine, the other 2 have different dads, and neither of those 2 kids live with her either !!   It is especially disturbing because she is still living with the father of one of them.  His mother is raising their girl.  very messed up situation in my opinion.

thanks again !

[joso]

I'm in a difficult battle myself.  I can't remember where I read it, but I believe the federal courts deemed that wherever the child is residing for greater than 6 months, this is the state where all custody proceedings are to take place.  For her to file anything in any other state but in Michigan at this point should be defaulted back to Michigan by federal law.  This was created for just these types of situations, so that no one state could supercede or overturn the rules of anotherstate.

[Zuntzu]

Except for Louisiana.
Trust ME.

But the other normal 49 states are all part of the UCCJA, and it dictates that the "Home State" is the state the child has lived in for 6 months before anything has been filed as to a change in circumstances.  The BM can still file in another state though, depending on the attorney she hires.  All that will do is cause you to waste money on a jurisdictional fight that will take all of 10 minutes to resolve once before a judge.

I reccomend getting an attorney's views, and doing a pre-emptive filing to change the previous arrangements.  Better there is a live paper trail in your home state than another.