My EX has not seen our son for over two years, help!!!!

[grtdaddy]

thank you for the response. i have NEVER said anything bad about his mother. the fact is i couldnt stand it bwecause it would hurt my son's feelings. as far as me i am crystal clean, i work in the medical field and provide very well for our son. I do have the "dirt" on her if needed. i have 5 people willing to testify of her abuse to our son. i know the courts like to forgive, but at the very least it should show he is exactly where he needs to be. with his father. he has gone to the same school for the last two years, and i have had the same job as well. it's hard not to stress when your childs well being is at sake. please pray for him and what is best for him. thank you

[ksmarks]

Greatdaddy, rest assured my thoughts and  prayers will be with your son, and you during this trying time.  The advice regarding no negative comments is just advice I always give.  I was divorced in 1994, & have three grown children, 27, 23, & 21, plus two step children, 21 & 20.  So it is from personal experience as well as eyewitness events that prompt me to hand that advice out so freely.

Keep the faith.

[grtdaddy]

Greatdaddy, rest assured my thoughts and  prayers will be with your son, and you during this trying time.  The advice regarding no negative comments is just advice I always give.  I was divorced in 1994, & have three grown children, 27, 23, & 21, plus two step children, 21 & 20.  So it is from personal experience as well as eyewitness events that prompt me to hand that advice out so freely.

Keep the faith.

thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I believe i may be stressing over nothing, but it's hard not too. I have taken care of this child for over 2 years alone, and now after all this time she is back and along with it comes the craziness, and unstable life that can only hinder our child's progress. I will fight every step of the way for his best intrest and willing to be broke for quite awile to achieve it.

[ksmarks]

It has also been my observation that some ex's like to drama and the effect that they have on their child's other parent. 

So again, KEEP THE FAITH!  Enjoy you son and continue to love and support him as you have for the last two years. 

I think it makes the ex's crazier when we refuse to buy into their sick need for drama and chaos.

Again good luck! 

[gemini3]

A word of advice... make sure that, when you're dealing with a judge or court appointed personnel especially, you focus on how the mothers behavior and mental health status is affecting the child.  One of the things that concerns the court is whether or not you appear willing to help your child foster and maintain a healthy relationship with their other parent.  If you're slinging mud every chance you get it will look like you have a vendetta against the other parent.

Keep in mind also, as your child grows, that children do better with both parents in their lives.  Even when one of the parents isn't the greatest.  It is extremely detrimental to a child to grow up without one of their parents.  Especially when that parent is alive, but just doesn't participate in their life.  You have some valid concerns about the safety of your child, and I do think that supervised visitation is advised in your case.  However, even though it may seem the easier road to you, I don't think that you should try to cut her completely out of your child's life.  It may be beneficial for you to also work with a counselor so that you can help your son deal with having a mentally ill parent in the most healthy way possible.

[grtdaddy]

excellent advise thank you. I have already enrolled both of us (my son and I ) into therapy in hopes to keep my son mentally stable through the process of mom coming back into his life. and myself for the just sheer fact of dealing with all of this heartache. Let me just say that, my wishes are not to cut mom off in fact i feel she needs to step up and become a parent and that is my wish. But i also know who she is and what she does and i know our son's best interest in the stable home i provide for him. She has it stuck in her head all custody should be joint in our case, and i strongly hope that is one issue our justice system disagrees with her on. Just to pijnt out something very small but shows her true colors is, now school is out and has she asked about our sons report card? Not a chance. This is a game for her and her largest goal is to do what she has done for years in the past beat me down, and get over on me. But this time i am fighting back with our sons well being at sake will keep me strong throughout this process.

[gemini3]

Most states have a law that you cannot deny the other parent access to the child's medical and school records.  A report card is one of those things.  You should be sending those to her whenever you get them.  What purpose is served by not letting her see her son's report card?

[ocean]

The law requires the SCHOOL to provide the report card to both parents. He should give her the number to the school and let her get her own records. She is trying to get proof for court now. If it was any other time, I would of said copy it for her. Just tell her to call the school and be put on their mailing list. They do it all the time.

[ksmarks]

I really do believe that we have is a drama queen here, he did not say that he would not give her the report card, but rather,  that she still has not inquired about it, which, shows that she is concerned about other things.

[grtdaddy]

let me try to clear this up. I have never denied her anything. if she requested a copy of the report card i would give her one. I'm sorry but i feel that is her responsibility to inquire about day to day things with our son. It's like her defense of asking me to call her to talk to our son, and if i don't she simply never calls and says i deny her talking to our son. Again i feel that is her responsibility to call, as well as being involved in his life. in fact she has only gotten a copy of his report card LAST year due to me telling her about it, she has since never cared to bother asking or inquiring about it. If the roles were reversed let me just say that number one any of those excuses would never keep me from being involved with our son, i would pay any price and do anything to be a active father and role model for this boy. he's my best friend and i am the only stability he knows. This woman abused us both for years before we got away from her, he has done a complete 180 and i can prove that, and as funny as it sounds about a woman being the abusive one it happens believe me, and this is documented and several witnesses ready to take the stand for testimony on eye witness accounts. my heart is breaking into pieces for the sheer fact that our sons stability and continuity is on the line, but if anything should fail it won't be his daddys fight to protect it. thank you for all the responses it does make me feel better and some assurence that he will remain in my custody.