no papers filed yet what are my rights as a father?

[James Grube]

i am a 31 yr old male in atlanta ga married to a 23 yr old female- we have not filed any divorce papers- last week she told me she wants to see other men, be free of marriage and our daughter and "just go out and party" her ass off- i said fine go ahead. we are seperated and she lives in her fathers ancient house- it has and asbestos roof and its so old when it rains the asbestos is washing off of the tiles and running to the ground.... she let me get my daughter 3 days ago and now i am not wanting to give her back- i know i have the right to keep her but i dont want to keep her away from her mother i just dont want her in such a dangerous environment. we will be filing for divorce within the next week. all i want is joint custody with a no co-habitation clause- what are the proper steps? i also need a say so in where mom is living so that i am not worried about my daughters health.

[Vicky]

Well Im not a male, but I have a 7y/o SD and her mother is crazy.  Were not in a situation like yours, but I would hire a lawyer! Because you will need one anyway for the divorce and make sure you have a strict parenting plan drawn up. Or if you can prove she is unfit then you may get full custody?
But my husband's parenting plan is very outdated and now he wishes he would have done things different at the time they had it drawn up.

Take notes of everything, keep a calendar you can write in of times, conditions of the house, of your daugther, take pictures, anything that will show proof of what your saying.
We have a lawyer and he said that all that helps and keep all documents.

Hope that helps!

[ocean]

You have the child now? If no papers were filed yet, you could go to family court and get temporary custody of daughter due to the fact that mother left house and child is with you. Then you can fight it out during the divorce. Until you have that paper in your hand, she can come get child and take her. Does she have a job? daycare for child? Do you have a job and daycare for child?
Best if you got custody now, otherwise divorces takes about a year or more to get decided (even if you think yours is easy). You have to get in writing holiday, vacations, birthdays, summers..what happens when child goes to school. Once things are down on paper it is VERY hard to change. Look at this site to see parenting plans that may work for both of you. If mother had child, until you have signed divorce papers it is hard to see child unless mom "allows" you to. If  you can trust her that is different. Read all you can on this site...

[gemini3]

we will be filing for divorce within the next week. all i want is joint custody with a no co-habitation clause- what are the proper steps? i also need a say so in where mom is living so that i am not worried about my daughters health.

As ocean said, go file for temporary custody now if you want your daughter to live with you.

As far as the divorce goes, you won't have any say in where your ex lives - unless she wants to move out of state with your child or something.  That's part of being divorced.  You do have a say in where your daughter lives - IF she lives with you.  So if you don't think where she'll be living with her mom is appropriate, then you'll need to ask for physical custody of your daughter.

[marinedirt]

Ok so here's my sittuation, We got separated because i came home and there was another guy in the house (18 y/o) she's 24. I left the house was living somewhere else but still paying all the bills. She filed for a order of protection we had court and she never went. I went by the house to pick up some stuff and EVERYTHING was gone!! EVEN THE SHOWER HEAD!! Turns out she moved in with her 18 y/o BF and took my kids too. My kids are 4 and 2. I found a mariguana pipe in her car and a container with seeds at home. About 2 weeks after court she alled me crying asking to pick her up becouse he was going to hurt her. Even send me a message saying that. I picked her up dropped her off and a friend picked her up. I keepd the kids because she had no where to go. I've let her see the kids since then but one day he tried to attack me with his brass knuckes when i was in my car with my kids in the back seat. I called the police and now theres a warrant out for his arrest. Judge denied my restraining orders against both of them that i filed. Now she wants to take the kids back but I wont let her even take them anywhere. I let her see them at places like McD's or Chuckie Cheeses but I refuse to let her take them only becouse I dont know where shes gonna take them or if she has car seats. Shes send me videos of her driving around and the 2 year old dancing in the back with no car seat. I dont have an attorney only because I had to use that money to re furnish my apartment as she refuses to give me child support. I know her mother is paying for her attorney and I dont have one. What are the chances of me keeping my boys? what could i do to help my chances?

[tigger]

Ok so here's my sittuation, We got separated because i came home and there was another guy in the house (18 y/o) she's 24. I left the house was living somewhere else but still paying all the bills. She filed for a order of protection we had court and she never went. I went by the house to pick up some stuff and EVERYTHING was gone!! EVEN THE SHOWER HEAD!! Turns out she moved in with her 18 y/o BF and took my kids too. My kids are 4 and 2. I found a mariguana pipe in her car and a container with seeds at home. About 2 weeks after court she alled me crying asking to pick her up becouse he was going to hurt her. Even send me a message saying that. I picked her up dropped her off and a friend picked her up. I keepd the kids because she had no where to go. I've let her see the kids since then but one day he tried to attack me with his brass knuckes when i was in my car with my kids in the back seat. I called the police and now theres a warrant out for his arrest. Judge denied my restraining orders against both of them that i filed. Now she wants to take the kids back but I wont let her even take them anywhere. I let her see them at places like McD's or Chuckie Cheeses but I refuse to let her take them only becouse I dont know where shes gonna take them or if she has car seats. Shes send me videos of her driving around and the 2 year old dancing in the back with no car seat. I dont have an attorney only because I had to use that money to re furnish my apartment as she refuses to give me child support. I know her mother is paying for her attorney and I dont have one. What are the chances of me keeping my boys? what could i do to help my chances?

Start your own thread to get more responses and to make it easier for people to respond to one situation at a time.

[sleepinghart]

Have you talked to your soon to be ex yet? The reason I ask is because she may not have a problem with you keeping your daughter. I say that because you said she told you that she just wanted to see other men & be free of your marriage & your daughter so she could party all the time. With that being said, remind her of what she said & she may just let you go ahead & keep your daughter with you; especially if she wants to 'go out' sometime in the near future. Even if she says "no", chances are that she will eventually want to go out one night soon & she will need someone to keep your daughter. Let her know that you are willing. From the way it sounds(her wanting to party a lot)you may end up with your daughter more often than you think; so no, I wouldn't 'keep her' from her mom right now. Sounds like the situation may take care of itself. Good luck!

[gemini3]

Have you talked to your soon to be ex yet? The reason I ask is because she may not have a problem with you keeping your daughter. I say that because you said she told you that she just wanted to see other men & be free of your marriage & your daughter so she could party all the time. With that being said, remind her of what she said & she may just let you go ahead & keep your daughter with you; especially if she wants to 'go out' sometime in the near future. Even if she says "no", chances are that she will eventually want to go out one night soon & she will need someone to keep your daughter. Let her know that you are willing. From the way it sounds(her wanting to party a lot)you may end up with your daughter more often than you think; so no, I wouldn't 'keep her' from her mom right now. Sounds like the situation may take care of itself. Good luck!

Unfortunately these situations rarely take care of themselves.  It is advisable that that anyone in this situation get a custody determination and parenting plan in place.  The sooner he does this the better it will be for him and the child, IMHO.

[MomofTwo]

Your original post said you wanted joint custody, so be sure to ask for it. Joint legal AND joint physical.  If you near close to each other, do one week with you, one week with Mom.   Mom leaving the child with you three days would never be considered abandonment in the eyes of the court and honestly would not be enough to award you custody.  Now if she leaves her with you indefinitely and does come back or want to spend time with her, that is entirely different, but you can' t be the one causing her not to see the child (by refusing to let her see the child) then claiming she abandoned her. The courts will definitely also evaluate which parent is most likely to foster the relationship with the other parent.  If you keep the child from her mother (or vice versa) that could have a significantly detrimental effect on a custody determination.

I know it is difficult since you have the emotions inside you regarding her moving out, taking everything, having someone new..... try to keep those emotions out for the sake of your child.

Write down EVERYTHING you want.  Shared custody, what time is pickup/exchange on weekends, spell out holidays.  I know it seems like a pain now, but the more painfully explicit your parenting agreement is now, the smoother it should go down the road.

The one thing you definitely want to include is Right of first refusal.  This is when one parent would typically have their parenting time and needs (in her case wants) to go out or has to work or something preventing that time sharing and will not be with the child.  ROFR gives the other parent the first choice of taking that child rather then going to a sitter, another family member, etc.... It is not meant for things such as I am going to the grocery store, but usually has a minimum hour associated with it (ie, 3 hours the parent can't be with the child). 

I am in no way defending her actions because I could not relate to choosing partying over my child, but she is young and depending how young she was when you two married and had your child, probably accounts for her poor choice and wanting to "be free."  She will regret it somewhere in her life, but you can't and shouldn't even be concerned with it.  Keep focused on your child.