BM can't afford Parenting Time Coordinator

[Superdottie]

Hello all.  I used to post under the name Crockpot for any who might remember me.

I need some input on a situaiton my DH is in.  He is NCP and BM and kids live about 10 miles away.  BM says she is moving the kids 50 miles away.  It's not happening until next summer but she's insisting on getting the new CO figured out. 

Right now, DH has EOW and overnight every Thursdays (and various holidays and 3 weeks in summer).  The move is far enough that the Thursday overnight visit won't be feasible.  The girls are in grade school.

DH and BM have been bickering back and forth in emails about how to reslove this.  BM wants to offer him 2 weekends with the kids and one weekend off (vs the EOW and Thurs nights).  Our calculations show it would reduce DH's time signficantly.  BM's response, the kids are getting older (they're 10 and 7) and they won't want to spend that much time with parents soon anyway.  Oh, and bonds between kids and parents are made young in life so, it's OK if he doesn't seem them that much anymore.   

DH wants every weekend, giving BM the option of 5-6 weekends a year she can keep the girls for family functions.  On average this would be about the same overnights he has now (52 more for the extra 26 weekends = 52 Thurs. he'd miss.) 

So, here we are.  The divorce states they must use a parenting coordinator before going to court.  Since who pays the coordinator is not specified an attorney told us it would be split evenly. 

BM says she can't afford to pay a coordinator.  We can't really either, but we'll manage.

Any suggestions on what to do?  I'm assuming we can go to court and tell the judge BM can't afford a coordinatior, but I'm afraid we'll be stuck with 100% of the bill (because BM wants to move 'just because.') 

Crap, no spell check...  Sorry! 

[MixedBag]

I'd say file with the courts and let the court order that BM pay 50%.  And don't worry about whether or not she can AFFORD to pay.

Might force her hand to settle.

[gemini3]

I agree.  I would find a PTC and send a letter requesting that she attend.  If she refuses then go file a motion to show cause and let the judge tell her that she has to go. 

[boilergal]

Have you thought about fighting it any? With your DH having custody and she can have the weekends that she's proposing for herself and DH has the rest of the time.

If she's moving "just because" it doesn't seem quite right.

Good luck.

[Superdottie]

I agree it's not right to move 'just because', but we've consulted with an attorney (a well known one) and was told we didn't have enough to get custody. 

Sad but true.  She's piece of crap, but she's the mom.

[ocean]

Are you in the same school district as kids? If you are, then talk to another lawyer about fighting the move.

I would also not do a thing until SHE makes the appointment or goes to court. Be prepared but dont do her work for her. If it went to court and allowed the move, it would probably be every other weekend but increase the weeks in the summer to 6 and maybe more school holdiays?

[ksmarks]

I have to agree with Ocean, it is not your problem that she cannot afford the coordinator, if she wants to move she'll have to get it approved.., make her file,


start saving now so that you can pay for your half....


Good-Luck!

[Momfortwo]

First, the father isn't going to get every week-end.  That's not happening unless the mother agrees to it.  What you need to do is look up your state's long distance parenting plan.  Because that is what will be ordered if this goes to court.  Where you can make up the time is in the summer.   

As for the parenting co-ordinator, the courts will determine who pays what for that. 

[brenna]

my husband and his exwife have a pc.  the court order says she had to be paid a retainer. we paid right away, the ex did not.  now, about 3 years later, the pc just emailed us and said she was no longer working for us because the ex wife has not paid her.  so if she can't afford it but the court ordered it she may have to pay the first time but after that she doesn't have to pay.  the pc said she would turn it in to the judge, but that is it, if they can't agree on something now, it has to go to court again..... and after experiencing court, they always favor with the mothers and would likely be that she doesn't get in trouble anyway.  it is contempt of court because the order states they MUST use the pc, but don't really think the judge will enforce it.  just a note from personal experience.  it stinks!  the pc wasn't that great anyway, she sided with the mom mostly anyway, it took arguing with her to get her to make a fair decision.... and a lot of money too!!! they are $100 per hour or so.  she finally made a rational decision, but it took some time and a lot of money.

[snowrose]

Is there anything in your custody order about how a move by either parent would be addressed?

I've never heard much about dealing with a Parenting Coordinator so I went looking for a definition of what their job is:

The [HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff][HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]Parenting [/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]Coordinator[/HIGHLIGHT] works directly with the parents to help them communicate more effectively and avoid conflict around child-related issues. Parents who are constantly in court about child-related issues (such as a holiday visitation schedule or the sharing of information about a child's academic or medical developments) might benefit from opinions and guidance to help make communication more effective.

I'm not so sure that BM moving is an appropriate issue for the PC, given that definition.  Is that the kind of position that a PC holds where you live?  Because that doesn't sound like the kind of thing you're dealing with right now.  This sounds more like something that would require you to ask the court to make an order controlling the conditions under which BM can move.

And personally I beg to differ.  Children who are 10 and 7 are not old enough to decide when they can or can't visit their parent.  And it should be a good several years before you start getting to that point, even for the 10 year old.