change in custody

[ksp487]

I have been divorced for two years and have had complete joint custody my of two boys, ages 6 and 11 since the divorce.  My ex-wife has worked in a different city the entire time and I have been the primary care taker for the children.  My ex-wife has now quit her job and has decided to take me back to court for a change of custody to make her primary custodian.  She has remarried and claims that she can now provide a more stable home for the children.  She has filed a motion in court with several false allegations about me and I am just totally fustrated about the entire situation.  I have devoted the past two years of my life making sure that my children are affected as little as possible in this situation.  I do not want to see them have to go through this and I really would like to hear from anyone who has gone through a similar situation or can offer any advice.

[Zuntzu]

What state are you in?

On the surface, not taking possible gender bias into consideration, you are the custodial parent with two years under your belt, and as long as everything else in the post-divorce environment has been positive, she has an uphill battle to prove a "substantial change in circumstances".

I am currently fighting my former spouse with a similiar situation, despite my being the sole legal and physical custodial parent for the last 9 years.

Start preparing yourself for the absolute worst accusations, as tearing you down is going to be the most effective attack in a situation like you are describing.

[ksp487]

I am in Kentucky.  There have been no disrupting changes in the past two years.  The accusations have already started, she filed a motion that was filled with false allegations.  All of which I can successfully disprove.  The worse thing that I fear is that she is messing with the boys, telling them all of these false allegations and trying to turn them against me.  

[Zuntzu]

The 11 year old will know BS when he hears it, but the balance will be presenting the facts in a non-judgemental way...a tough line to walk, but it will pay off in the long run.  Your 6 year old might me influenced by lies, but keeping a firm line on doing what you say you will, and being consistant with your parenting will go a long way towards presenting a comforting and stable home environment...and the best reason of all is it will allways be in your childrens best interest to keep an even keel, and love them unconditionaly...even if they start to buy the other parents lies.

Don't contribute to any alienation that might be going on by being passive, assert yourself, your love for them, and correct any misconceptions before they become entrenched.

Don't bank on being able to disprove false allegations...but you would know your situation better than I.  Whats your attorneys take on it?

Hang in there man, if there is anything better than being a parent to our kids, I have yet to hear of it.