Out of State Visitation questions-help

[MomofTwo]

Davy,
Again with the presumptions.  I simply asked who created the distance between the poster and the child.  I did not place anything on anyone.  It is relevant who created the distance and you know it, rather, you should know that.   Poster said THEY tried to work things out between themselves.  When he was unsatisfied with the way things occured, he had remedies to fix it.

I personally don't care about your infinite wisdom and what you have done for your children but don't be preumptuous about me and my take on things.  Children up for sale because of child support, I won't even go there, but from my standpoint, I don't get child support.  I have solely raised my children, financially and from an every day standpoint. Their "father" chose to divorce them when he divorced me. I was the one who filed for his visitation, because he didn't want any. I hoped by having it he would try to see them, wrong.  I was the one who called him constantly trying to keep him involved in his children's lives, something he CHOSE not to do and still chooses not to do.  I have two boys.  I think boys need a good male role model and their father in their life, he apparently doesn't think that way. He doesn't see them, doesn't ever even call them.  In 4 years he has called them 4 times. He doesn't acknowledge their birthdays or holidays.  I thank God every day I am educated and have a great job and that I can provide for my children by myself.  You condescending remarks (again, jeez, don't you ever get tired of being so negative) are unfounded.  You know nothing of me or my situation.  I have never pursued child support and have done everything I can do to make him a Dad, but the truth is, you can't make people do what you want.  But I wasn't doing it for him, I was doing it for my children. So, please Davy, in all of your infinite wisdom, tell me how to do that. Your take is that every man wants to be involved and see his children and take care of them, I have an entirely different perspective. Rather then actually see his children, he claims to be homeless so he can tell the courts he can't take his children, yet has money to travel and go on lavish vacations and drive nice expensive cars.  You are so wise, tell me again how I think children are up for sale.

[olanna]

olanna .... YES but why would you ask ?  She told her brother several years ago after years of counseling (I was not involved of course) that what has happened to her was done intentionally and on purpose in order to control her.  She's an RN and she's not stupid ...two children of her own.

Is the fact that she is successful, ie an RN, also her mother's fault?

[Yomont]

Sorry I have not replied recently as I have been busy with work.

In regards to who caused the seperation, I really don't see that as relevant to visitation but maybe I am confused.

In my case I was in an abusive relationship where my wife would physically hit me for the sole reason as she would put it "So I could hit her back, so she could call the cops and have me locked up". Here is the great part not once ever in the 7 years of the relationship did I ever raise my hand to her as I knew what she wanted. This stemmed from an abusive relationship she was in prior to our relationship, I guess I had to pay for someone else's injustice. Then one day after her arguing for 7 hours and phisically hitting me she decides to call the police and tell them I hit her when I never did. When the cops came she told them she made it up and I left the house. I came back a week later and told her she needs to leave as this is not healthy for my child, her or myself. She left from Vegas to NJ then settled in Colorado Springs.

I always tried to work it out amicablly with my ex-wife but she played nice until the last minute where she would come up with all kinds of excuses and I had to settle for the usual 3 weeks. Yes I should have fought for visitation rights but thought in the best intrest of the child it was better to try to play nice in the sandbox. Boy was I wrong. This is not about money as I do make over 90k a year and don't need to get child support back, this is about spending time with my daughter who I love and is important to me.

I appreciate all the advice I have recieved from each of you as it has been helpful and look foward to the continuing advice.

[MomofTwo]

Yomont,
I am sorry for what you have gone through. The reason who moved is relevant is because that person (the one that created the physical distance) can be held accountable financially for transportation costs for your parenting time.  Since she moved, you could petition for a reduction of child support to offset the transportation costs.  Since it was never petitioned for before, they may not give it to you, but you won't get it if you don't ask for it.
Where are your court orders out of...Las Vegas or Colorado? Wherever it is, you need to consult local counsel there and file for shared parenting time (ie, visitation, but that's not a good word.)  Typically a long distance shared parenting agreement is anywhere from 4-6 weeks in the summer (it can be up to almost the entire summer depending on what is done in that area and your previous parenting time), rotating holidays, you can ask for anytime she has a 3 day/long weekend from school to have her. 
You need to be painfully explicit in your agreement, what age child can fly unaccompanied minor, who pays for what costs, what airports can be used, .... the more specific you can be, the better off you will be in the long run. 
Maybe if Mom knows you are serious, she will start to work with you. Ideally that would happen, but if doesn't, you do have to pursue it through the courts. 

[Davy]

Olanna; First of all, if you want to jump ugly on Davy (especially about my daughter) will you please move your snide remarks to a new thread on the Father issue board since there is not a board relevant to seriously abused children.

Kimberly, as I will refer to her, chose an educational program and career, at a time when she was young and  in a long term recovery program away from her mother.   She went thru a demanding college nursing program (approx. 15 yrs ago) as a single mom with two babies all on her own at least with no help from family.  She has functioned as a shift supervisor, work in case management, etc.  She recently received credit for saving a life while off duty. She's seen life on multiple fronts you and I can only talk about. She's as tough as they come ...

... and she's still daddy's girl.   You are barking up the wrong tree.   

[Yomont]

Support payments ordered out of Colorado Springs.

So I will have to make contact or go to Colorado Springs in order to start the petition?

[Davy]

Yomont,  Thanks for posting about the support order.  I suspected that the only orders in your case was a support order and was probably administrative in nature ... no court appearances and a judge just signed a stack of papers. Likewise, there was not a custody determination by a court and visitation was left to agreement which has not worked.  Is that correct ?. 

The reason this is important is because the parties are in different states and the laws are different if both parties are located in the same area and there is a 6 month rule governing interstate custody proceedings.  It is usually better for you if you can file in your state ... the intertate issues are not an issue unless they are contested.   Of course, it is a detrement to you  if legal filings are in Colorado  which could cause you substantial missed work, travel costs, etc but the main issue is that fathers usually do not fair as well in out of state courts.

At this point If I were you in your circumstances  I would function as follows  (and I only post for your considerations)  : 

1)  Continue to focus on child
2)  all your speaking (attorneys, etc) should focus on childs lack of access to her father
3)  try not to talk negatively about the mother (except attorneys, etc or on this site)
4)  cut back on verbal communication attempting to obtain agreement for visitation this     summer.  Present a written agreement of what you want and demand a response by a certain date.  Only you know if it needs to be on attorney letter head.  Take "agreement" to your local court (competent to make custody decisions) for judge signature and file with court clerk.  Send signed copy to mother (no advance notice to avoid turmoil). Provides some credibility to agreement and may greatly help your cause in the future.  May wait to get child before you do this.  Or filing ex-parte (temporary orders; without notice). Adequate attorney can advise.
5)  consider keeping child longer than mother agrees...it would be understandable under the circumstances and there is no current court order.
6)  review information in the articles section of this site ... much info. presented and verified by experienced common folks over a long period of time
7) become comfortable interviewing and managing attorneys; hopefully those 100% behind the cause
  anticipate an increase in CS if your income has increase substantially since initial support award.  By the way, i admire your objectivity concerning CS.  I was the same way.
9)  be aware, with the mothers history of manipulation and and violence, lack of access to other parent...child may be in an abusive situation
10) IMHO, matters concerning reducing CS for transportation costs, etc are for final negotiations...you have bigger fish to fry at the present.   

Remember these points are for your consideration .  Other posters may want to add to or detract from these points.

   

[olanna]

Olanna; First of all, if you want to jump ugly on Davy (especially about my daughter) will you please move your snide remarks to a new thread on the Father issue board since there is not a board relevant to seriously abused children.

... 

If you can dish it out Davy, you need to learn to take it.  Don't be so sensitve!

[Davy]

Deleted by Board Moderator.

[Davy]

just what I thought !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!