Time with parents vs. non-custodial parents

[christa00]

Seems silly that we are really going through this, but here it goes. Me and my ex have joint custody sharing primary, now that school is out, my ex works during the day and I am home. I have told him on several occasions i would take her during the day while he is working. Of coarse he would rather be run over by a bus before he does that so he has been letting our daughter stay with his live in girlfriend. What would a court say about this? Is it worth pursuing? Doesn't time with a parent trump a girlfriend? Oh and the custody order states she is to be with her paternal grandmother while father is working. Help....

[MomofTwo]

If the order says child is to be with grandparent when it is his parental time and he is working, that is who the child should be with. 

His time is his time however and while it makes sense for her to be with you rather than a gf, he is not legally obligated to do th at.


You could file for a modification and request right of first refusal.  This is asking that anytime he can not be wit the child during his parenting time for more than xx number of hours, that you get the first choice of the child being with you.

[MixedBag]

I agree...

[ksmarks]

Any chance dad would agree to let you have her some of the time? 

If you can avoid putting dad and the girlfriend on the defensive it will be better for all of you, and less expensive as well..

Just a thought....

Good Luck

[christa00]

We just finished up custody evals, so we are waiting for the reports for the court.  There already is an order in place regaurding my ex's girlfriend that reads limited unsupervised contact. There have been some issues in the past, mainly personality conflicts between daughter and girlfriend. Which lead to an emergency relief order but that was just pertaining to the school year. After the eval report I am going to request the right of first refusal be put in the order,only because the order we have now is not clearly written. I just don't see why we use our children as pawns to get back at an ex. Seems logical if one paent is unavalable the other would see them unless they are unavailable and then other arrangments would be made. Guess  I am thinking to normal,courts don't work that way.

[ksmarks]

It certainly makes sence to me that you would want to spend time with your child, and if dad is working. 

If there have been previous issues with the girlfriend I can see more drama a head for you,  especially, if she and the ex feel that you are jealous or feel threatened by her or the about of time that she spends with your daughter.


Good Luck

K

[Superdottie]

I agree it's completely reasonable for your child to be with you vs GF if the other parent is working - esspeically if it's a regular thing.  And given you've had issues with GF, even more reason to get the right of first refusal clause added.

Take care!

[ksmarks]

It will soften the blow so to speak to request that you each have the right of first refusal if you are unable to by with the child for a certain length of time.

We had it in an order with husbands ex- time frame was not workable and got a little crazy, we went home to go to the Travers (horse race) and left the kids with Grandma & grandpa, about 5 hours, became a huge issue!  Cost a great deal of time and money.  Mom also used it when she did not want to pick up step daughter from camp, offered her to dad, however dad was again visiting his parents some 4+ hours away from the camp,  mom then charged dad for childcare expenses.

Have you and dad had any co-parenting classes or training yet?  Highly encourage that, and even if he won't go it can't hurt you to go alone and get what you can from the sessions.

Best Wishes!

K

[christa00]

  This whole custody thing has just been a crazy adventure, I have tried being reasonable with my ex but that has expired and now I have to look like the bad guy and do things through courts and lawyers. Common sense has gotten me nowhere and its a shame all this money has to be spent. There are days when I feel as though I am just beating a dead horse the process takes soooo long and I have a feeling neither of us will like what they reccomend. Just wanted all your thoughts on this.

[Momfortwo]

Do you have right of first refusal in your court order?  If so, he's in contempt. 

If not, I would file for a modification to have it added (this would work both ways) and have it include that when one parent is unavailable to care for the child (such as when they are at work), the other parent must be given the opportunity to have the child.  I would also make sure that it includes that the parent gets the child over a grandparent, stepparent, significant other.  This would work both ways. 

You will probably get it. 

BTW, if he's trying to have you pay childcare costs, I would refuse on the grounds of:  Why should you have to pay have someone care for your child when you are free to do so? 

That's probably one you will win, too.